The Words You Speak (The 100 Bellarke)
by hellabellarke
Summary: Basically a bellarke soulmates au where the first words your soulmate says to you are imprinted on your arm until they are spoken. Set in canon season 1. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

The sound of charcoal against metal fills the room.

Clarke tries to draw at least one thing every day, but usually she exceeds that. Her cell is almost entirely filled of drawings and sketches, many of what she imagines the ground to look like, a couple of her mom and dad, and one of her old room from her home. Even though she knows she'll get a trial when she turns 18, she doubts she'll be set free, and she will probably never see her home again.

Now, though, Clarke isn't drawing, she's writing. The words imprinted on her arm and now scrawled across the floor under her bed have been taunting her since she discovered what they mean. She's been studying them and trying to understand when they could possibly be said to her organically, but she always draws a blank.

Sometimes, she wishes they were something simple, like 'excuse me', or 'good morning'. Maybe if they were something that everyone said to her, she wouldn't have to feel so tied to one person, since it could be any of them.

Sometimes, she wishes it was something obvious, but also easy to guess when or where it would be said. Like Wells', whose had said, _'Oh, I love chess!'_ or her fathers, whose had said _'This procedure will only take around an hour'_. She swallows the bitter feeling in her throat when she thinks of Wells, when she thinks of her dad.

Clarke honestly wouldn't have been this obsessed over her sentence, if it had made sense in the slightest. She just couldn't understand when this could be said, or by who.

You see, everyone had a soulmate. Some people were born without a sentence on their arm, but that just meant that their soulmate was already gone. It was sad, but it didn't happen very often. Sometimes Clarke wished she was born without one.

The sentence were the first words you're soulmate would say to you, and when they had been said, the words would disappear within 24 hours. A bit of a wait, but Clarke was told it was nothing compared to waiting to find the person who would say the words.

We called it your soul mark. Science couldn't explain it but it never seemed to bother anyone too much. Almost everyone was content with it, and was content with the idea of being bound to one person, who you didn't get to chose, for the rest of your life. Of course, it wasn't like you were actually forced to be with that person, but once you had met you couldn't break the bond and it was like you were always drawn to each other. At least, that's how Abby had described it to Clarke when she was younger.

And it wasn't mandatory that you would have to be with or be interested in your soulmate romantically, although it was very common, some people were just very close friends and behaved more like family than lovers.

Despite all this, Clarke was still scared. She liked to think that not much scared her, but the mark on her arm sure as hell did. It wasn't that Clarke didn't like the idea of having a soulmate, but it was still daunting.

Another thing that scared Clarke was having the words disappear before someone had said them to her. Her mother had told her how it felt to have your soulmate die, and it sounded like hell. Clarke felt anger fume up in her veins for a moment when she thought about the pain Wells had caused her mother when he turned her father in.

However, with all of this, being as strange as it is, the strangest and most confusing thing surrounding the soul marks that the people of the ark had encountered was when the sentence was in what appeared to be another language.

When the first mark like that had appeared, long before Clarke was born, people had assumed that it was baby-talk, or something like that. Nonsense that one would spit out randomly, and everyone was at peace with that idea.

Over the next few years, almost 4% of soul marks were in that same language. No one understood why, no one could understand the language, and not one of them ever found their soulmate. It was sad, but more so, it was confusing.

Clarke was glad that hers was in English, but the words still confused her to no end. Her mother and father had no helpful input either, both just saying soothing things like 'if it's meant to be said, then it'll be said,' and 'i wouldn't worry Clarke, have faith in your soulmate'.

Now, however, after losing her father, after being betrayed by her best friend, after being locked up in the skybox for months, she had no faith. She often wondered if her soulmates soul mark would be one of the few to disappear, or if somehow, in some miracle, she would be freed from this prison and would be able to hear and say the words herself.

But Clarke had no faith, no hope, she knew that she was going to have to leave her soulmate with an empty arm and never meeting their soulmate, never knowing who it was or anything about them. She felt sorry for them, but mostly, she felt sad. She felt sad a lot of the time now, and drawing was one of the only things that could actually get her mind off of it.

Suddenly, when she was in the middle of writing what felt like the hundredth repetition of her soul mark, the door to her cell beeped and was flung open. She leaped to her feet immediately, almost hitting her head on her bed, and stared at them with wide eyes, rolling her sleeve down to cover her mark.

"Prisoner 319, face the wall." One of the guards said, entering her cell. She quickly did as told, and turned around, slight panic coursing through her.

"What is this?" She questioned, swallowing her fear.

"Quiet." The guard replied gruffly, clearly not planning on telling her anything. Shocker.

"Hold out your right arm." He said, and Clarke cautiously turned around, ready to put out her arm when she saw him grabbing a metal wristband out of a case. This time, she couldn't ignore her fear.

"No, no, it's not my time." She tried reasoning shakily, "I don't turn eighteen for another month."

"Hold out your arm." The guard repeated, opening the wristband, while the other removed his baton, turning it on.

When they try to take Clarke's watch, she loses it and attacks them, and the next thing she knows she outside her cell and staring at the sight before her.

All of the prisoners are being removed from their cells by guards, and the whole skybox is in distress. Kids all around her are struggling and crying and fighting, and Clarke draws to one conclusion: they're killing them.

They're killing everyone in the skybox, each prisoner, each child, to make more time for the rest of them. Besides, why would they waste precious air on a bunch of criminals like them. Clarke was going to die. And her soulmate would lose their mark.

The guards were behind her again, and she was about to run when she heard her mothers voice, calling to her. Clarke felt tears well up in her eyes as she spun around and raced into Abby's arms, voicing her thoughts of the culling she thought was about to take place. However, Abby just shook her head and gave a weak smile, tears in her eyes now as well.

"Clarke, you are not being executed." She says firmly, grasping Clarke's shoulders, and for a moment Clarke is relieved. Just for a moment. Her mothers next words make sure to shatter that relief though.

"You're being sent to the ground."

Clarke is quick to argue that it's not safe, that the ground isn't supposed to be survivable for another hundred years, that it could be toxic and kill them immediately, when she is hit with an almost painful realization.

Her mother seems to realize this too, but before either of them can say anything about it, Clarke feels a slight pain in her back and her vision starts to go fuzzy. As her mother holds her while she falls to the ground, whispering reassurances in her ear, she can only think of one thing, her soulmark. As darkness takes over her, it almost feels as if the words are searing into her arm, and she can't get them out of her head.

_If the air's toxic, we're all dead anyway._

**...**

**i haven't posted on here in over a year but here we are, i guess this is my coping mechanism for accepting the fact that we have about a one in a million chance that bellarke will actually be canon. so yeah, enjoy.**

**don't be a silent reader**


	2. Chapter 2

When Clarke awoke, she was strapped into a seat in a dropship, on her way to the ground to Earth, and quite possibly, to her death. She glanced around, her eyes raking over each and every person she could find. Any one of them could be her soulmate, and she'd probably know who within a matter of minutes.

She saw a pair of boys standing against a wall, strapped in, they were talking with each other nervously, but clearly excited. One was tall and thin with a mess of brown hair over his head, and a pair of goggles resting on it. The other was a bit shorter and scrawnier, Clarke was sure she'd seen him somewhere before, maybe on farm station. But she'd never had a conversation with either of them, meaning it could be one of them.

Her gaze floated over past the two boys and landed on three people sitting in a row, one girl, she looked around Clarke's age, with long black hair. She was pretty. It could be her. Beside her was another boy, he had a long face and a kind of dazed expression on his face. It could be him.

Beside him was another boy, this one less lanky than the two boys standing by the wall, his dark hair was long and covering parts of his face, but he was smirking widely and he had a look of adventure in his eyes. Clarke could swear she recognized him from somewhere, only she couldn't remember where. Regardless, it could be him.

As Clarke looked around at everyone she could see, she quickly realized that not everyone there could be her soulmate. There was one person who she knew, and was thankful, couldn't be.

"Wells, what the hell are you doing here?" She shouted angrily, her ex best friend looked hurt, and she inwardly grimaced at the small pang of guilt she felt.

"When I heard you were coming down here, I got myself arrested. I came for you." He said, and Clarke couldn't believe what she was hearing. Why would he think that she would want to be anywhere near the person who was the reason her father was floated.

Before she could respond, a monitor she hadn't noticed before flicked on, and Chancellor Jaha's face appeared on the screen. He began talking about rations and shelter and some place called 'Mount Weather', undoubtedly telling the kids that if they wanted to survive, they would have to get there.

"Your dad's a dick, Wells!" Clarke heard someone shout when Jaha called them 'expendable'. It could be him. Although Clarke admittedly agreed to that statement, she couldn't help but wish that her soulmate wasn't a criminal, even if they were just a petty thief.

Whoops and hollers interrupted Clarke's thoughts, and she looked away from the monitor just in time to see the boy from before floating out of his seat. When someone called out an impressed 'yeah Spacewalker!' Clarke knew how she had remembered the boy from before.

As he floated over to her, she felt her heart rate quicken. It could be him. He opened his mouth to speak, and she felt a lump in her throat. Although the words didn't really make sense to be said at this time, she couldn't help but be nervous anyway.

"Check it out," He said, but not to her, to Wells. "Your dad floated me after all."

"You should strap in before the parachutes deploy." Was Wells' only response, and the boy just smirked, floating in the air in front of them. When Clarke heard seat belts being unbuckled, she looked over quickly to see the girl from before and the boy sitting next to her moving to undo their buckles and float with 'Spacewalker'.

"You two! Stay put if you want to live!" Clarke yelled to them, thankful when they actually listened. For a moment she wondered if what she had just yelled would cause either of their soulmarks disappear in a day. But when they made no move to answer her, Clarke felt herself relax. However, that changed when the boy began to speak to her.

"Hey," He said, and Clarke instantly relaxed. It wasn't him. "You're the traitor who's been in solitary for a year." He said, and her relief was instantly replaced with annoyance.

"And you're the idiot who wasted a month of oxygen on an illegal spacewalk." She responded curtly, before looking back up to the monitor.

"But it was fun." He said, smirking. Clarke couldn't help but stare at him incredulously. Fun? If his idea of fun was practically dooming the human race, then sure. It was fun. She was glad he wasn't her soulmate.

"I'm Finn," He greets, but Clarke doesn't respond, just looks back at Jaha, who's still talking to them, despite hardly any of them listening.

More kids get out of their seat to follow Finn despite Clarke's warning, but they are only unstrapped for a couple of moments before the dropship suddenly jolts as it enters the atmosphere. The two kids and Finn are thrown at the side of the dropship, and they must have hit something important, because the monitor immediately cuts out and the ship begins smoking. Great.

Suddenly, everyone is in a panic, shouting and screaming, some kids are crying, Clarke couldn't see what had happened to Finn or the others, but she had a bad feeling that even if they were okay now, they wouldn't be when they hit the ground. Clarke hoped that neither of them were her soulmate.

As Clarke had predicted, once the dropship is safe on the ground and people have begun moving towards the lower level, where the door is, her and Finn are left behind with the two boys, neither of who had survived. Finn face is shaded with guilt, but Clarke doesn't have time to console him, not when she hears people yelling about opening the door from the floor below her.

Without thinking, Clarke practically throws herself down the ladder. She can't just let them open that door, it could kill them all.

"Stop!" She shouts at the boy in the guards jacket who has his hand on the lever, about to open the door. He pauses and Clarke climbs the rest of the way down the ladder and pushes through the crowd so she is face to face with him.

"The air could be toxic." She says, not even thinking as the words flow out of her mouth, almost uncontrollably.

The boy stares at her, for a split second his eyes widen and he seems to lose his composure, his lips parting in shock. This only lasts for what was probably a millisecond but what feels like a hundred years, before her regains himself and responds simply with:

"If the air's toxic, we're all dead anyway."

Clarke eyes widen and her jaw drops, her mind, that was going a mile a minute just a second ago, halts, and everything seems like its in slow motion. Those words, those eight words, that had been etched into her skin for 17 years, were finally spoken aloud. They looked into each others eyes and Clarke could see that he knew, _he knew. _

The moment is abruptly ended when a girls voice sounds from in the crowd. "Bellamy?" She asks, before pushing through the crowd of people.

Bellamy. That was his name. For some reason, it all seemed to make sense now.

Before Clarke could even form a coherent thought, the girl was throwing herself into Bellamy's arms, and for a moment, Clarke felt a pang of jealousy shoot through her. It's not until people begin yelling for someone to open the door and the girl turns around and responds with 'do you mind? I haven't seen my brother in a year,' that that sick feeling goes away. Then she is met with confusion.

"Brother? No one has a brother." Someone in the crowd voices her thoughts. "That's Octavia Blake, the girl who hid in the floor!" Another responds, and the girl, Octavia, lunges toward the voice angrily, but Bellamy holds her back.

Even with all of the confusion and chaos around her, Clarke knows one thing for certain.

She had just met her soulmate. And his name was Bellamy Blake.

**...**

**here's chapter 2, i hope you like it so far, i kinda skipped over the whole landing because i didn't think i needed to write out something that happened in the show that doesn't really matter in this fanfic. anyway leave a review if you liked it**

**don't be a silent reader**


	3. Chapter 3

Neither of the two had said anything to each other all morning. Clarke was already almost completely sure that she had found her soulmate, and she was sure Bellamy was too, but they both had seemingly mutually decided to wait it out, just to be certain.

As the day passed, Clarke tried to go on as usual, or at least as usual as she could on Earth, but the idea that she had met her soulmate and hadn't even seen him since they said the words was eating away at her. She had this overwhelming need for closure, to talk to him one on one and figure out how they were going to do about this whole thing.

Maybe it was the pull that soulmates had towards one another that she had heard about. But maybe it was her own emotions, the confusion she had felt for years, the countless times she had scrawled the sentence across her cell floor, the anticipation leading up to the moment the words left his lips, the relief when, after all her life, everything seemed to click into place. Everything seemed to make sense.

Now however, only a few hours later, she was experiencing an inner turmoil. She couldn't decide whether or not she should talk to him, whether she should give him space and time or whether she should go to him and demand to speak with him about this because he couldn't just ignore it. Right?

All of this was bad enough, but Wells was certainly not helping. Actually, he was making it worse. Like he always did. As she briefly explained where they would have to go to get to Mount Weather, he was hovering over her shoulder like a bug she just couldn't seem to swat away.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" He asked, as she drew over the map, mapping their route. She felt the now familiar pang of loss and betrayal in her chest, and her silence was apparently answer enough for him.

"Oh. Your dad." Wells said dumbly, and the anger that Clarke felt inside was dulled due to everything else going on at the moment. Instead of lashing out, she just sighed and averted her gaze.

Before the conversation could be prolonged, she picked up the map and turned to face the criminals before her. She began to explain how they had been knocked off course and had to get to Mount Weather if they wanted to survive longer than a few days when a painfully familiar voice interrupted her.

"I've got a better idea." Bellamy said, and Clarke did her best not to flinch as she practically spun around to face him.

"You two go, find it for us." He spoke, and although he was clearly speaking to her, he avoided her gaze, instead focusing on Wells. Clarke's brow furrowed and she once again had the urge to go to him.

"Let the privileged do the hard work for a change." Clarke knew she took the comment too harshly, she knew she shouldn't be offended by something like this, but it still hurt to hear, especially coming from her soulmate. She briefly wondered if she was ever going to get along with him.

"You don't understand, we all need to go." Wells supplied after a few moments of silence, obviously confused at Clarke's lack of response. She could feel her ex best friend side eyeing her as if to ask what was wrong. She ignored it and turned away quickly, walking back into the dropship. If anyone asked why, she would say she was finding something to carry supplies back from Mount Weather.

After a couple minutes, Wells made his way inside the dropship, approaching Clarke cautiously.

"Hey." He said after another moment of silence. "Are you okay?"

His tone suddenly angered her. He had no right to ask if she was okay. She hadn't been 'okay' in over a year, thanks to him. So instead of using her head to rationally think of a cold response, she flung her head around and lashed out at him for what would now be the second time today.

"You don't get to ask that. Not you of all people. You ruined everything. You killed my dad, you got me arrested. Then you come down here and act like everything okay? Like it's just another day where you're still my friend and you still care about me and I still trust you? You can't pretend forever, Wells, and you know as well as I do that I will never trust you, or care about you, or even want to be anywhere near you again! So just leave me the hell alone! I wish I never met you." The last sentence was hardly above a whisper, and Clarke felt tears in her eyes as she quickly pushed past a speechless Wells and made her way outside the dropship.

As she stepped outside, she tried to let the air calm her, but her heart was racing and everything was just too much. She ran her hands through her hair and looked around at the kids all around her, yelling and running around excitedly, not a care in the world. She envied them.

Her eyes continued roaming the people until they met a pair of brown ones. Even from across the camp, Clarke could feel the intimacy in the stare. He had been watching her. Suddenly, Bellamy Blake seemed like the most inviting person in this camp, and despite the way he had spoken to her earlier, she wanted to run to him, to feel safe with him.

Although, after a moment of looking at each other, Bellamy broke their gaze and turned around to talk to his sister. Just like that, the moment had passed. Clarke didn't think she could do this for another twenty or so hours. By now, she was sure, and she knew he had to be too. The way she felt towards a complete stranger, nothing else could explain it.

But instead of walking towards him, like every atom in her being was begging her to, she turned on her heel and walked the other way, ignoring the longing in her chest and the tugging in her heart.

It wasn't until she nearly got jumped on by Finn that she snapped out of her thoughts. He landed clumsily on the ground in front of her, all but falling from his perch on the outside of the dropship. How he had gotten up there, Clarke had no idea.

"Heard you're going on an adventure, Princess, mind if I join you?" He flirted, and Clarke just stared.

"It's not an adventure, it's a supply run. And since you seem to be the only one willing, I guess you'll have to do. But we're going to need more than two people if we want to bring back enough supplies for everyone." She responded, feeling annoyance rise in her gut at the nickname.

"And don't call me that." She added, for good measure. He just smirked.

Before he could say another word though, Wells was there. Clarke almost outwardly sighed, but managed to not show much of a reaction.

"I'm coming too." He stated, like it was a fact and not a question. Either way, the answer was no.

"Not happening." Clarke replied curtly before turning and seeing the two boys she had noticed on the dropship before.

"Hey! You two!" She called out, and the boys turned around to look at her questioningly. "We're going to Mount Weather to get supplies. We need all the help we can get."

They looked at each other excitedly before walking over. Clarke heard Wells scoff at her choice of words before leaving. Good.

"We're in. I'm Monty, this is Jasper." The shorter boy said, and Clarke nodded, opening her mouth to introduce herself before Finn beat her to it.

"I'm Finn, this is the Princess." He mocked dramatically, but Clarke wasn't here to play games, she was here to survive, nothing else. At least not concerning Finn.

"Don't call me that." She snapped, before properly introducing herself to Monty and Jasper, who both looked somewhat amused at the whole ordeal.

They were just about to leave before someone ran up to join their group. Clarke looked over to see it was Octavia. And where Octavia was, Bellamy must be soon to follow.

"O, what the hell do you think you're doing?" He interrogated, grabbing her arm. Octavia just shrugged him off.

"Going for a walk." She replied, and Bellamy sighed before pulling her aside and talking to her in a hushed voice.

"We need all the help we can get." Clarke decided to try her luck as she spoke to Bellamy, hoping he would actually listen to her and let Octavia go with them. Clarke would be more than grateful to have another pair of hands, she had already been doubtful that four people could bring enough food back for a hundred.

To her surprise, Bellamy looked over at her, and they locked eyes for a moment and Clarke suddenly felt a wave of worry wash over her, worry that wasn't hers, for a sister that wasn't hers.

Bellamy must have had a similar experience because before either of them could utter a single word, he looked away and nodded once, signalling Octavia to go. Clarke let a small smile of gratitude cross her face, and Octavia stared at her brother for a moment more, confusion written clear as day across her face. Obviously, Bellamy didn't usually act like that.

But she didn't waste another second when they began walking and she quickly chased after them. Finn fell into step beside Clarke and looked at her, a confused look on his face. It took her a couple seconds to realize that she was still wearing the tiny smile. She quickly neutralized her features, but Finn had already noticed.

"So the Princess can smile." He said, and all good feelings left her in that moment.

"Don't call me Princess. Last warning." She said sternly, before walking forward to fall into step with Octavia.

"Just so you don't get any ideas," Octavia suddenly speaks up, sounding somewhat annoyed. "Finn's mine."

"Just so you don't get any ideas, I don't care." Clarke said nonchalantly before the two of them fell into silence. It wasn't until a few more minutes of walking that Octavia spoke up again.

"So how'd you do it?" She asked suddenly, and Clarke frowned.

"Do what?"

"Get my brother to shut his mouth for once, that's a talent that I don't think I've seen anyone posses before." She said, faint amusement lacing her words. But Clarke could tell she was genuinely curious.

"I don't know. I barely know him." Was Clarke's only response. However, as she spoke the words, she realized that she really hoped that that would someday change. Someday very soon, preferably.

**...**

**so this is kinda bad and not a lot happens in it but next chapter will be from bellamy's pov so that should be fun. and thank you so much for all the reviews and favourites and follows, it means a lot that you guys are enjoying my story.**  
**and just so everyone's aware, i don't plan on having finn and clarke be in a romantic relationship in this, finn will just be doing some harmless flirting and clarke won't be interested (and jealous bellamy could possibly make an appearance)**

**don't be a silent reader**


	4. Chapter 4

Bellamy watched his sister disappear into the trees, and he felt a slight surge of panic go through him at the thought of letting her out of his sight. He knew he needed to stop being so overprotective of her but at the same time he hadn't seen her in over a year and the last thing he wanted to do was risk losing her again.

He was still shocked at himself for letting her go with them in the first place. Bellamy didn't trust or like Finn in the slightest, Jasper and Monty seemed harmless enough, but Bellamy still didn't like it. She wasn't safe. She was out there, with a bunch of morons, walking through a radiation soaked forest without having any clue what could possibly be in there. She shouldn't have gone- or at least, he should've gone with her, to make sure she was safe.

His train of thought abruptly halted when he realized he wasn't just thinking about Octavia.

Bellamy had tried his hardest not to let what had happened earlier in the dropship change his mission here. Get Octavia, and get the hell out before the council came down and floated his ass. He knows what he did to Jaha was wrong, no matter how badly he deserved it, but he did what he had to do to protect Octavia, and he wasn't going to let anything distract him from what he had to do now.

But then there was Clarke. Bellamy had not planned to come down here and meet his goddamn soulmate. He had not planned for it to be a privileged girl who'd been in solitary for a year for god knows what. He had not planned to be thinking about anyone but Octavia, and he had not planned for it to interfere with his plans.

He let out an exasperated sigh as he turned on his heel and swallowed the urge to go to Octavia. Octavia, and no one else. Like he'd said before, he wasn't going to let anything or anyone interfere with his escape.

Bellamy just managed to hold back a sigh when he saw two boys cornering Jaha's kid, Wells, against the dropship. The scrawnier one had a knife and seemed like a whole lot of bark and no bite to Bellamy, but still, he leaned back and crossed his arms, waiting to see how this would pan out.

Not to his surprise, a few moments after he began watching, an annoyed Wells shouldered past the boys and stalked away, both of them watching in his wake. Bellamy took this as his cue to approach, he figured that he might as well try one thing before he was positive he had to run, not like there was a reason to stay now. No, not at all.

"Next time you're gonna kill someone, maybe don't announce it to them first." Bellamy stated, an amused smirk turning up his lips as he read the words one of the boys must have scratched into the dropship. 'First son, first to dye'.

The boys just looked at him, the smaller one getting noticeably frustrated. He muttered back a sarcastic reply and Bellamy decided to try his luck.

"If you don't want anything to do with the Ark, then why are you helping them?" He asked, and the boys narrowed their eyes at him.

"We're not." They replied, so sure of themselves. This was going to be easy.

"You're wearing those wristbands aren't you?"

Within a couple minutes, Bellamy had fully convinced both of them that the Ark following them down to the ground was a bad thing, in their own self interests of course. He turned to walk away and couldn't help but feel a tiny bit hopeful. Maybe he could stay here, with the hundred. Maybe he wouldn't have to run away with O and she'd get to actually hang out with people her own age and maybe find happiness here. The thought filled him with warmth.

Maybe, if they could stay, he'd find happiness here too.

Bellamy was getting anxious.

It had been a while since Octavia and the others had left. Okay, maybe not that long but to him it felt like ages. He knew that it wouldn't be a short trip and he wasn't actually expecting them back anytime soon but that didn't help calm his nerves.

He shouldn't of let Octavia go. He should've gone with them. Why didn't he go with them?

Bellamy shook his head and tried to ignore the panic he was suddenly feeling so strongly. He opted to talk to Murphy and Miller - they seemed driven enough - about hunting and setting up tents instead of thinking about what could be happening to his sister right this moment without him knowing or being able to do anything about it. And with that thought his mind couldn't help but drift to what could be happening to Clarke.

Bellamy felt annoyance surge through him, almost completely blocking out the nervousness for a moment. He hated this. He hated how someone could say one sentence to him and it would have this much of an affect on him. He hated how he couldn't get her out of his head but he couldn't even remember her last name, he was sure he heard it when she got arrested - it was big news - but now he just drew a blank. He hated how he worried about her and let her disrupt his perfectly thought out plan of escaping with Octavia. He hated how he had let his sister go out into a dangerous forest a few hours ago because she had spoken to him for the first time since the dropship and he hadn't even been able to form a coherent thought so he just nodded.

He hated her.

Okay, he obviously knew that wasn't true, but he was distracted, and worried, and overwhelmed. And Murphy and Miller weren't helping. He thought this could get his mind off things but it obviously wasn't working.

"I'll figure out the rest on my own." Bellamy suddenly cut in, interrupting Miller mid-sentence. He needed to be actually doing something or his mind would break with all the thoughts and feelings he's having right now. He hated it.

Miller and Murphy started at him for a few seconds before muttering something to each other and retreating from Bellamy's makeshift tent. He'd built it after Octavia left to do something, but now he didn't know what to do.

He was about to exit his tent as well to try to find something to do, but before he set foot outside he was hit with an overwhelming feeling of fear, so powerful that he had to stop in his tracks.

He knew almost immediately that it wasn't his fear, it was Clarke's. This may just be his least favourite part of the whole soulmates thing. When people had told him stories he didn't know it would be this intense, this real. But here he was, frozen in fear because of an experience someone miles away was going through.

That thought alone snapped him out of his trance and he felt more panic well up inside him, this time his own.

Clarke was somewhere in the forest with four other people - one of them Bellamy's sister - and she was experiencing pure fear.

Something was very wrong.

**...**

**this chapter was kinda short and rushed but i wanted to update. i think i'm gonna stay in bellamys pov for a little while longer, it's fun writing from his character. anyway let me know what you think**

**don't be a silent reader**


	5. Chapter 5

It had been around twenty minutes since Bellamy had felt the strike of fear and the only reason he hadn't sprinted into the woods in the direction he knew Clarke was in - wait, that was new - was because he hadn't had the chance to sneak away yet.

The last thing Bellamy wanted to do was draw attention to the fact that he somehow knew the group was in trouble _and_ he also happened to somehow know where they were.

The last thing Bellamy wanted to do was have anyone find out about this whole soulmates thing, especially not Octavia.

He knew it sounded selfish. He knew it wasn't fair to Clarke. He knew he should do more than just pretend the interaction had never happened. But he also knew that the only way that him and Octavia, could survive would be leaving this place as soon as they could.

Sure, Bellamy had been excited at the prospect of a soulmate as a child, everyone had, and even though his words hadn't really made sense in his mind, he didn't care. He was going to have a soulmate, and nothing else really mattered.

But when he was six and Octavia was born, suddenly it didn't matter anymore. He would no longer see his soul mark and feel excitement at the prospect of meeting them, he would no longer dream of the day that they said those words or who would say them. Octavia was all that mattered.

Then, when he got his little sister arrested and his mother floated, nothing did. Bellamy was hopeless. He barely ever gave his soulmark a second glance anymore, he never once thought about his life past that day, and he didn't even bother attempting to talk to anyone new, everyone either knew him as the boy who hid a sister for sixteen years, or their janitor. He hated his job, he hated his loft, he hated his life. He hated himself.

But suddenly, he could save his sister. Suddenly, he had the chance to get her back. So he did. His plan was crystal clear then, get Octavia, and get the hell out. But then he met Clarke. Then, just like that, he had a soulmate, he had someone who he would have a connection with for the rest of his life. Someone who he had only met that day, yet the thought of leaving her physically hurt him.

As much as he wished and wished that it wasn't her, that it was just a coincidence, they both knew it wasn't. And the fading soulmark on his arm was a constant reminder. This was too complicated. It was too much. Bellamy had no idea what he was going to do in the future, but he knew one thing he was going to do right now.

He was going to save his sister. And he was going to save Clarke.

Bellamy left the camp with no interference, no one noticed or cared enough to say anything, and he was grateful for that. Not even Miller or Murphy questioned him.

Once he had made it out to a clearing he paused, trying to figure out if he had any actual idea where they were, not wanting to risk it all on a feeling. But suddenly, that feeling grew stronger and stronger until there was movement in the trees and before he could so much as reach for a weapon, a blonde head rushed out of the brush and right into Bellamy's chest.

He started at the sudden contact and, without thinking, grabbed her forearms to hold her in place. She looked up at him, panic swimming in her blue eyes and Bellamy almost gasped at the intensity of her stare. All he could do was stare back, unable to look away and feeling almost entranced by her. Her arms found his and they stood like that for a moment, before Bellamy remembered why he was out there in the first place.

"Clarke?" He croaked out, and at his voice she seemed to snap back into reality, and she was quick to step away from him before Monty ran in the clearing after her, Finn close on his heels, dragging along a limping Octavia.

"O!" All thoughts of Clarke and whatever had just happened fled his mind as he raced over to his sister, worry spiking through him.

When he reached her, he carefully sat her down on a log, assessing the damage. There was blood on her thigh, and upon further inspection he saw three long gashes. They almost looked like scratches. He wondered what had done that, and was that why Clarke had been so scared? Was that why they were running? _Was it chasing them?_

"What happened?" He asked, his voice coming out less strong than he wished it was.

"I went in the river and something attacked me, the others said it looked like a giant snake." Octavia's voice was shaky and she struggled to catch her breath. Bellamy felt sick. He never should have let Octavia go with them, what would he have done if he lost her?

"Jasper saved me." She said, her voice cracking over the boys name. Bellamy tore his eyes off O to look for the boy, to thank him or tell him to stay away from his sister, Bellamy didn't know, but either way, he wouldn't have been able to.

"Where is he?" Bellamy asked slowly, dread seeping through him.

"We were attacked." Clarke's voice sounded right beside him and he almost jumped as she kneels down beside him and began examining Octavia's wounds. All he could do was stare, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Jasper was hit." Clarke averted her eyes at the words, and Bellamy was amazed at her ability to stay so calm in a time like this. However, he quickly put the words together and the dread got stronger.

"Attacked? By what?" He asked, glancing around at the trees, hoping they weren't followed.

"Not what, who." Finn spoke up this time, and he frowned at the boy. What the hell was he going on about.

"Turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn't the last grounder."

Bellamy blanked, staring at Finn, confusion written across his face.

"What?"

As Finn began explaining exactly what had happened, Clarke walked over to Monty, who was shaking like a leaf. She began speaking to him in a low, calming voice that Bellamy found himself longing to hear more of.

Monty said a few words before nodding slightly, his arms coming to wrap around himself as he began to walk - no, stumble - back to camp.

"...and we've been running ever since. I think the river is a boundary." When Finn finally stops talking, Bellamy realizes he hardly heard a thing. He chooses to nod curtly at the boy before turning his attention to his sister.

"O, how do you feel?" He asks unsurely, already guessing what her answer will be.

"Like shit." She replies honestly, and Bellamy is about to pick her up when he feels a hand on his arm.

It's like lightning, and suddenly he can't breathe. He feels his muscles tense up and relax at the same time and he can barely keep the sharp gasp from escaping his lips. Clarke must be feeling the same thing because she actually does gasp, before removing her hand like his skin was hot coals.

"Uh- I-" Clarke clears her throat. "You shouldn't carry her like that. She- it's a deep cut and you could hurt her."

Bellamy doesn't say a word, just stares at her, eyes wide. How can someone touching you do something like that. After a moment he clears his throat as well and nods before slinging Octavia's arm over his shoulder and dragging her along that way. He wasn't sure how this was much better but he trusted Clarke's judgement - that was new, too.

Thankfully, Octavia had been too tired and in pain to notice Bellamy and Clarke's interaction, but Finn on the other hand, was watching the both of them, his brows furrowed.

Bellamy chooses to ignore this and pulls Octavia past him, back towards the makeshift camp. He really needed to work on getting these kids to do something useful and start working on constructing an actual camp, one with tents and fireplaces and maybe something to sit on.

Bellamy hears quiet speaking behind him and turns his head to see Finn talking to Clarke in a hushed and serious tone. Clarke is just looking at the ground, the faintest blush painting her cheeks. So faint you'd have to squint to see it.

It's then that Bellamy feels something nasty in the pit of his stomach, like anger and annoyance and pain all at once. The idea of Spacewalker making Clarke blush sickened Bellamy to the core and it's not until Octavia pokes his face that he realizes he's staring.

"Bel, what are you so mad about?" She asks unsurely, and Bellamy realizes his fists are balled and he's gritting his teeth. He tries to relax his posture but he still feels lingering aggressiveness in his form.

"Nothing. Let's get you back to camp." He says to his sister, focusing his attention on her instead of the two people behind him. He speeds up his pace slightly, suddenly wanting to get away. Maybe escaping with O wouldn't be so hard after all.

But even when he made it back to the camp, that ugly feeling stayed with him, just under his skin. Not an immediate enough problem that it was much of a bother, but it was still there, nagging at him. When Bellamy saw them walk through the gates a couple minutes after him and Octavia, he realized what he was feeling.

Bellamy was jealous.

**...**

**here's chapter five! thank you all so so so much for all the reviews, i love to hear what you all think of the story. i'm glad you guys are liking it. i think next chapter will be from clarke's pov again but it'll be switching back and forth between both of them pretty frequently.**

**don't be a silent reader**


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke watched Bellamy's back as he helped a limping Octavia back to the dropship. Whatever had just happened between them in that clearing was crowding her thoughts, and she didn't realize she was staring until Finn's voice broke her out of her trance.

"Hello? Earth to Princess? You still in there?" His tone was mocking, but Clarke could hear something genuine behind his words.

"Don't call me that, Finn." She sighed, looking away from the Blake siblings to face the boy. When she met his eyes his widened in surprise.

"You're blushing." He said, and Clarke frowned, looking away.

"I'm not." She muttered, looking at the ground.

"You are, and just a second ago you were staring, and when you went to talk to Bellamy and Octavia you froze... What's going on?" He inquired, and Clarke felt annoyance rise in her gut. Whether it was because he was pressing or she was being that obvious, she didn't know.

"You don't know what you're talking about." She said, calculated and cool. Unfortunately he saw right through her.

"Uh huh. You know, it would make this a whole lot easier if you just fessed up. What's going on? Is it something about Octavia? Or Bellamy?" Clarke tried not to make eye contact when she felt warmth rush to her face. She really was blushing. Clarke Griffin, blushing. She almost wanted to laugh at herself.

"We just met today, Finn. I wouldn't even consider you my friend, let alone trust you with anything. We're acquaintances at best. I don't even know your last name. So just drop it." Clarke huffs, the annoyance in her chest growing.

"That means there's something to tell." Finn pries. When Clarke just scoffs and makes no move to answer, they fall into silence for a few moments.

"It's Collins, by the way. My last name." He says, introducing himself. She glances his way, making no move to return the favor.

"You should know it, since it'll be yours one day." He says with a smirk, and Clarke rolls her eyes at his blatant flirting. She hasn't decided if he's actually interested in her or if it's just his personality. Either way, she doesn't feel the same. She didn't think she had time for a relationship back on the Ark, and she definitely doesn't think she will down here. Too bad Bellamy had to go and complicate everything for her. She wasn't planning on letting Finn do so too.

"Funny." She says sarcastically, offering the boy a glance. Although she wasn't romantically interested in him, having a couple of friends down here couldn't hurt. She already considered Monty and Jasper her almost-friends, and she was making way with Octavia.

It's then that she feels something ugly in her chest, and she immediately knows the feeling isn't her own. She instinctively looked at Bellamy, but his back was still turned.

What was causing him to feel like this? She could've said it was worry or guilt for his sister, or maybe anger at himself for letting her go. But it didn't feel like that. It felt like something deeper. It only took another moment for Clarke to figure it out, as she frowned at his hunched shoulders.

Jealousy.

"You're doing it again, Clarke." A voice sounded beside her. She quickly turned to look at Finn.

"See? What's that face for? You look angry or something." Clarke felt her brows furrow further at his words.

"It's nothing, Finn. I'm fine." She said, before quickening her pace and walking closer to Bellamy and Octavia, leaving a confused Finn in her wake.

Being closer to him helped, but at the same time, it only made the jealousy deepen. Although she felt comfort in being near him, his emotions were much stronger to her. When she was a few steps behind the siblings, she realized that he was practically an open book to her, against his will. And she would be the same.

Although Clarke didn't like the idea of someone always being able to read her, being able to know where she is and what she's feeling, for some reason it comforted her that it was Bellamy. A day ago, she would've hated the idea of someone being able to feel what she's feeling without her being able to stop it, but now, it was like she wanted him to know. It was like she trusted him with her life, yet they'd only met that day.

It scared her, God knows it did, but at the same time, she was okay with it. Because it was him. She only hoped that he felt the same.

Once they got back to the dropship, Bellamy put Octavia down on a log and Clarke checked her wound once again. She smiled at Octavia and told her she'd heal up quickly, that she was lucky.

"I'm only lucky Jasper was there to save me." She replied with a small smile. Her face darkened for a moment as she no doubt relived the moment at the river. When one second, Jasper was happily shouting, and the next, he had a spear through his chest.

"Clarke, we have to go back for him. He screamed, he must be alive." She said urgently, grabbing Clarke's arm.

"I know, Octavia, I'm about to go recruit some people to help us, we might need a bigger team this time." Octavia just nodded and Clarke got up to leave. When she turned around Bellamy was right there, and she almost jumped.

"She's gonna be okay." Clarke said after a moment, and Bellamy swallowed and nodded, before walking past her to kneel next to his sister. As much as Clarke wanted to stay, to bathe in the warmth of his presence, she forced herself to walk into the dropship, for Jasper.

"Clarke! When are we leaving?" Monty was at her throat in an instance, worry clouding his eyes.

"As soon as we can." She replied, "But Monty, you're not coming." She tried to fight off the sick feeling she had when his face shifted into disbelief. She wished she didn't have to tell him that he couldn't help them find his best friend, but it was for the best.

"What? What are you talking about Clarke, of course I'm going. Jasper's my best friend." Monty spoke quickly, desperate to go with her. "He's my _soulmate_."

At his words, Clarke's resolve faltered.

"Oh my- Monty I'm sorry, I didn't know. But you need to stay here. You're too important. You were raised on farm station and recruited by engineering. That's food and communication. What's up here," She raised a finger to his temple. "Is going to save us all."

You figure out how to talk to the Ark. I promise we'll bring Jasper back." She said, the sick feeling returning even stronger than before. She hoped Bellamy wasn't feeling this, but she knew he was.

Monty looked ready to protest again, but he just sighed and nodded in defeat. His shoulders slumped and he turned to walk away. Clarke bit her lip before turning to leave, she needed to find Finn and any other volunteer she could. They needed as many people as possible, they had no idea what they were up against.

She felt a pang of regret at not letting Monty go. She couldn't imagine what she would do if Bellamy was missing and she was unable to help. And she had only known him for a few hours, as far as Clarke could tell, Monty and Jasper had been friends for years.

Finn pushed his way through the parachutes hanging over the dropship and Clarke felt slightly relieved. At least she knew one person who would come with her to help Jasper. She just hoped there were more people like him in this camp.

"Hey," She said as he walked over to her. "You ready?"

"I'm not going anywhere." He said, and the relief Clarke had felt disappeared in an instant. She frowned.

"And neither should you. That spear was thrown with pin point accuracy from three hundred feet." He said, his voice strained. Clarke felt anger under her skin.

"So what?" Monty interrupted, his voice wavering with desperation. "We just let Jasper die?"

"That's not gonna happen." Clarke replied instantly, she wasn't prepared to let him die before she knew he had a soulmate, and she sure as hell wasn't now.

"Spacewalker?" She spat at Finn, but he just stood his ground. "What a joke." Clarke pushed past him and walked outside the dropship, huffing in annoyance. So much for friends.

"Clarke?" Wells' voice sounded next to her and it did nothing to help with her anger.

"What do you want, Wells?" She said, gritting her teeth.

"I want to help, I'll go with you to save Jasper, and before you say no, it doesn't look like you're getting any other volunteers. Right now, I'm the best you got." He said, and despite the betrayal and anger she felt towards him, she couldn't help but see his point.

"Fine. You can come. But stay the hell away from me." She eventually huffed at him. She ignored his smile. If she didn't she'd start screaming at him again.

She quickly racked her brain for other possible people who could go with her, but her mind was stuck on one person. She dreaded asking him, but at the same time there was no one else she'd rather go with. Still, she'd need a reason.

When she spotted him, he's back at Octavia's side after delivering a short speech to the hundred about the whole grounder situation. Clarke quickly walked over. When Octavia saw her, she tried to stand, but barely managed to get on her feet before sitting back down again.

"When are we leaving?" She asked through gritted teeth, clearly trying to hide her pain. Clarke wished Octavia could come help, she knew that she wanted to more than anything, but the younger girl was in no condition to walk, let alone trek with them for hours.

"You're not coming, you need to stay here and heal up your leg." Clarke said, and Octavia frowned. She opened her mouth to speak, probably to say something along the lines of 'my leg's fine', or 'he saved me, I need to return the favor', but Clarke began speaking again before she could.

"That's not why I'm here, Octavia. I'm here for you." The last part of her sentence was directed at Bellamy, and he turned around in surprise. Clarke willed her heart to stop racing. It didn't work.

"I hear you have a gun." Clarke says, feeling almost proud when her voice doesn't shake. She actually sounds pretty confident.

Bellamy doesn't speak, he's hardly said a word to her at all actually, just lifts up his shirt to show the handle of a pistol tucked into his cargo pants. She tries not to stare.

"Good. Come with me." She begins walking, Wells following close on her heal. She prays that Bellamy just listens, just follows Clarke and helps her with Jasper, but of course, it's never that simple.

"And why should I do that?" He calls out, and she turns around, swallowing before making her way back over to him.

"Because," _You're my soulmate. Just trust me._ She wants to say, but of course she doesn't.

"You want them," She nods at the makeshift camp she knows he's been trying to lead. "To follow you." She leans in a bit closer.

"And right now, they're thinking only one of us is scared." She whispers, raising an eyebrow at him. She tries not to stare in awe as she sees a fire light in his eyes, and his excitement rushes through her veins.

Once she knows she's convinced him, she turns to walk away, knowing that this time he'll follow. She hears him yell something to Murphy, before they both begin walking after her.

It's then that she realizes she never wants him to stop following her.

She'd like to have him follow her forever.

**...**

**next chapter from bellamy's pov! i'm really enjoying writing this and i'm glad you guys are enjoying reading it too. **  
**also on the whole jasper and monty being soulmates thing, it's not a romantic thing, like i said earlier in the story soulmates can just be platonic and that's how it's gonna be for them. when i was matching everyone up with soulmates i wanted to put jasper and monty together because i feel like they have the biggest soulmate energy compared to anyone they've been with/been interested in. at first i wanted to put jasper with maya and monty with harper, but ultimately i decided on this. let me know what you think of it and the rest of this chapter**

**dont be a silent reader**


	7. Chapter 7

As Bellamy calls to Murphy, he tries to slow his pounding heart. That was probably the longest conversation he'd actually had with Clarke, and her acting over the top confidence was not helping. He had to admit, it was pretty sexy.

He watches her go, captivated, before Murphy clears his throat and asks what's going on. Bellamy briefly explains the situation, remembering why exactly he had agreed to go. Or what he told himself to ignore the pull he felt towards Clarke.

Bellamy knew that Miller and Murphy had been making progress with the wristbands, and when he checked in with Murphy, he said that they had already removed twenty four of the wristbands, Wells' included. Murphy praised himself for that one.

Bellamy felt something akin to relief wash over him at how much progress they had already made. At this rate, they would have everyone's off within a week. Him and Octavia would be free, and everyone on the Ark could rot in a metal box for the rest of their lives for all he cared.

"Since when are we in the rescuing business, huh?" Murphy asks as he follows Bellamy out of camp. Bellamy doesn't take his eyes off Clarke, who's walking a couple of yards ahead of him next to Wells.

"The Ark thinks the Prince is dead," He replies, referencing Wells. "Once they think the Princess is too, they'll never come down." He tries to ignore the uneasiness he feels in his gut. It intensifies when Clarke glances at him over her shoulder. He looks away.

"I'm getting that wristband," Bellamy says sternly, knowing that this is the only way for him to be able to stay.

"Even if I have to cut off her hand to do it." He speeds up his pace, and tries (and fails) to ignore the guilt that gnaws at him with his words.

He knows he would never do anything to hurt Clarke, that much was apparent to him by now, but he needs to convince Murphy that he's serious about this. He just hopes Murphy doesn't take it too literally.

"Hey! Hold up!" Bellamy calls to Clarke and Wells as he walks around in front of them, cutting them off, Murphy hot on his heels.

"What's the rush? You don't survive a spear to the heart." Bellamy teases, torn between putting up the tough-guy facade he needs to when he's around Murphy, and Wells for that matter, or not being a dick to Clarke. He wants to be kind, he wants to be someone she feels she can trust, but he wants to survive more. He wants to be able to stay with the hundred, at least long enough to make up for being an ass here.

"Jasper screamed when they moved him." Clarke said, turning around and frowning at his behavior. "If the spear struck his heart he'd have died instantly." Bellamy catches the way her eyes fall to his chest for a moment.

"That doesn't mean we have time to waste," She says, averting her eyes and turning away.

Instinctively, Bellamy reaches out and grabs her wrist, doing his best to ignore the sparks that shoot through his fingertips at the contact. At least this time he's expecting it.

Her big blue eyes fall back on his and he swallows, his throat suddenly dry.

"As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go." He replies, forcing a smirk. He sees a fire light in her eyes as she narrows them at him, and wow, he drops her wrist almost immediately, taken back by the intensity of her gaze.

"The only way the Ark is going to think I'm dead," She says, taking a small step toward him with each syllable. "Is if I'm dead. Got it?" She finishes, her face mere inches from his now.

He leans back, trying to put space between them because suddenly he's feeling very trapped.

"Brave Princess." He replies with a smirk that he doesn't have to force this time. Bantering with her like this; it feels right. He knows that the way he's looking at her isn't the menacing way he should be, and he knows that he is much too amused given their situation, but he can't help it. Being around her just makes him feel lighter.

"Leave her alone," Wells warns when Bellamy moves to take a step toward Clarke, interrupting their borderline flirting. He tilts his head at the other boy and narrows his eyes at him.

Before he can say another word, Clarke is turning away and walking again, muttering something else about wasting time. Bellamy watches her go, still smirking, and it's not until Murphy speaks that he stop staring.

"Well, that didn't work. How's that 'cutting off her hand' plan gonna go then?" He says sarcastically. Bellamy just chuckles, smirk going wider.

"It's not over, Murphy. I'm getting that wristband." He says, before following Clarke. Again.

After another ten or so minutes of walking, they decide they would cover more ground if they split up. Murphy began walking one way, but when Bellamy doesn't immediately follow, he turns back around, confused.

"Aren't we going west?" He asks, and Bellamy hesitates, not wanting to leave Clarke's side.

He opens his mouth to respond, but Clarke starts talking for him.

"He's coming with me." She says, and Bellamy feels his pulse quicken. How did she know him so well, they had only met a few hours ago. Murphy raised his eyebrows at Clarke before looking to Bellamy for confirmation.

Bellamy found himself nodding at him, and Murphy raised his hands in mock defeat.

"Looks like you're with me, Jaha." He says, glaring at Wells, who's standing there in shock.

"Clarke," Wells says, grabbing her arm to pull her aside. Immediately she rips her arm from his grasp and sends him a look that could kill.

"You can't be serious," Wells presses anyway, "Ten minutes ago, this guy looked ready to kill you. And now you wanna be in the middle of the forest with him? Alone? I know you don't want to be around me but think Clarke, at least I won't try to kill you!" His voice raises a bit, and Bellamy wants to punch him. Whether it's for accusing him of ever trying to hurt Clarke or raising his voice at her, he can't decide. Probably both.

"Really? Could've fooled me when you got me locked up." She glowered at him and Bellamy felt a strong feeling of betrayal in his gut. What the hell had this guy done to her?

"Clarke," Wells' voice softened, and his eyes looked sad and pleading. Clarke's anger raged in Bellamy's chest and his own hatred for Wells grew past his father.

"I'm going with Bellamy." She said sternly. "And honestly, I'd be more worried about yourself." She glanced at Murphy, who grinned at her. Wells looked at him too, and Murphy winked at him. Bellamy smirked.

It was then that Murphy met Bellamy's eyes in question, but he shook his head 'no' in response. Now that the Ark thought Wells was dead, he wasn't a problem anymore. They didn't need to be rid of him, and Murphy rolled his eyes in annoyance at the denial, but Bellamy knew he wouldn't try anything.

It was only after watching Murphy and Wells walk away that Bellamy realized that he was actually alone with Clarke for the first time. Which meant that they could talk. And Bellamy wasn't sure he actually wanted that.

So instead of saying anything, he turned and began walking the opposite direction that Wells and Murphy had taken, and Clarke followed suit.

After a few minutes of walking in silence, Clarke had had enough. She cut in front of Bellamy and turned to face him, forcing him to stop walking.

"Are we really not gonna talk about this?" She interrogated, and Bellamy felt his heart drop at the question. No beating around the bush with her. He liked that.

But instead of voicing his thoughts, he decided to ignore them for now, he just cleared his throat and spoke.

"About what?" He replied, feeling his nerves start to get the best of him.

"About that, I can feel it Bellamy. You're nervous. I feel what you feel, and I know you can do the same with me." He inhales sharply, having all this said out in the open makes it too real.

"Let me guess, the words on your arm are fading, right? And I bet I can guess what they say too." She then puts her arm out and pulls up her sleeve, his eyes darting down nervously to see what he already knows is there.

_'If the air's toxic we're all dead anyway.'_ The words he spoke only a few hours ago are written across her arm, fading away at the edges, but they're there.

His eyes eventually find hers again and she's staring up at him, uncertainty and hope filling her eyes. He doesn't know what to do, or how he's supposed to react.

He swallows again, and open and closes his mouth a couple times.

"Clarke," Is all he can manage, and she looks at him expectantly.

He's about to say something, what it was going to be he had no idea, when he hears Wells' voice echoing through the trees.

"Clarke! Bellamy! We found him!"

And just like that, Clarke is gone. She's running toward the voice and he's right behind her, the conversation they just had gnawing at him. He knew it needed to be finished sooner rather than later but he had no idea how.

Jasper was their immediate problem right now though, at least to Clarke, so he pushed down his desire to finish what they started and chased after her.

When they reached the clearing, Bellamy felt sick at the sight that waited for them.

In the middle of a field of tall grass, Jasper was strung up to a tree, tied by his hands, with cuts all across his bare chest. His eyes were closed and he appeared to be knocked out, but he kept groaning in agony.

"Oh my God, Jasper." Clarke murmured next to him before beginning to walk toward the boy. Bellamy was close behind her, and he tucked away the pistol he had pulled out when he heard Wells' shout.

"What the hell is this," Bellamy got out, not wanting to look at the boy but unable to look away. That is, until the ground collapses beneath Clarke's feet.

One second, she's falling, and the next, Bellamy has him hand wrapped around her wrist as he struggles to hold her up. In the pit beneath her, giant spikes await her, and Bellamy feels panic well up inside him. He can't tell if it's his own feeling or Clarke's.

Everything else seems to disappear as he holds Clarke, inches away from her demise.

Every atom in his being wills him to not let go, to pull her up, and to wrap his arms around her and never let her go. But his body is frozen, he can't do anything but stare and hold on for dear life.

Her eyes are wide and panicked and her grip on his arm tightens. She looks between him and the spears below her a few times before focusing her eyes on his.

Everything seems to go in slow motion. The electricity crackling in the air between them is nothing like the sparks pulsing through him from her touch. It's like touching a live wire, except, instead of being thrown back he's only drawn closer. He knows she feels the same way, he can feel it. And in this moment, they both let it consume them.

It isn't until he feels someone jump down on the grass beside him and reach out to drag Clarke up by her armpits that he remembers the situation she was just in. He scolds himself for letting himself get so distracted, so much so that he could've gotten Clarke killed. The guilt that follows that thought would've thrown him to his knees if he wasn't already sitting.

When Clarke is finally safe - no thanks to Murphy - she stands and brushes herself off, rolling her shoulders. Bellamy stands too and looks at her, she returns his gaze, both of them out of breath from their experience. He wants to reach out to her, to see if she's okay, but her attention is back on Jasper in a moment.

The boy groans again and Clarke instructs Wells and Murphy to help her get him down. They do as told and once Jasper is free from the tree, he's laid down on the ground as Clarke checks him over.

"They put a poultice on his wounds," She says, her voice disbelieving as she peels a leaf off his chest. "It saved his life."

"Maybe what it was trying to catch likes it's dinner to be breathing." Bellamy guesses, trying to come to a conclusion that actually makes sense.

"Maybe what it was trying to catch was us." Wells says, and Bellamy swallows, glancing around the clearing. _Maybe it was still here._ None of them had to say it, it was a thought in everyone's mind.

Clarke's worried eyes met his and they both knew that they had to get out of here as soon as they could. So, not wasting any time, Wells and Bellamy moved to carefully pick up Jasper, but before they could, there was a rustling in the grass.

"Bellamy," Clarke said slowly. "Now would be a good time to take out that gun." Bellamy nods and reaches for the pistol, pulling it out of his waistband and cocking the weapon, pointing it in the direction of the sound.

In a flash, a large, black animal jumps out of the grass and straight toward Bellamy. He aims the gun and fires the trigger, hitting the animal in the shoulder. It whimpers and crumples to the ground, but is quick to leap back to it's feet. Before it can make another move, however, Bellamy shoots it in the head and watches as it falls.

After a few more seconds without it moving, Bellamy is sure the creature is dead. He nudges it with his foot once, just to be sure. When it doesn't move, Bellamy feels a triumphant grin spread across his face as he tucks the gun back into his pants.

He moves to pick it up and sling it over his shoulder, and although it's heavy, he knows the meal will be worth it.

Murphy helps Wells carry Jasper instead, and Clarke stays close by his side the whole walk back, checking his temperature and wounds every so often.

By the time they get back to the dropship, the sun is set and darkness has fallen, although it appears someone must have actually payed attention during Earth Skills, since a couple fires have been lit around the clearing that the kids have begun to call home.

"They're back!" He hears someone shout when they enter the camp, and Monty is outside in an instant, running over to check on his friend. Clarke speaks to him quietly and directs Wells and Murphy to carry Jasper to the dropship. With a nod from Bellamy, Murphy follows her orders and makes his way to the dropship.

Finn stands outside it uncertainly, and Bellamy doesn't miss the glare Clarke sends his way as she pushes past him into the ship after Jasper, Monty right behind her.

Once she is out of sight, Bellamy looks around at the kids and realizes that most of their eyes are on him. He throws the animal he had been carrying down in front of him, and the camp eyes it curiously.

"Who's hungry?" Bellamy shouts, and the kids begin whooping and cheering. Bellamy smiles and glances at the dropship where Clarke had just disappeared.

Yeah, he could get used to this.

**...**

**here's another chapter because i really wanted to write this one. i know that my timing is off compared to the show (its still the first night in this fic but in the show it was the second night at this point) but i wanted to focus more on the bellarke parts of the show and i wanted to shorten the mount weather trip so yeah. anyway i hope youre enjoying the story so far**

**dont be a silent reader**


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke follows Wells and Murphy into the dropship, trying to focus all her attention on Jasper, but she can't shake the feeling of eyes boring into her back until she is out of view from Bellamy. She rolls her still aching shoulder absentmindedly and her mind drifts back to earlier that day when Bellamy caught her.

She remembers it like a flash, but also like a lifetime. She remembers the ground giving out beneath her feet. She remembers letting out a surprised yelp as she felt herself falling. She remembers seeing the wooden spikes beneath her feet. She remembers thinking that this is how she dies.

And then she remembers his hand. His grasp on her forearm as he held her inches away from death. She remembers looking up into his eyes and seeing so much raw emotion there, it was breathtaking. She remembers forgetting about the pit of spears and about the rest of the word as she was trapped in the moment with him. She remembers Bellamy.

The next thing she knew Wells was by his side and she snapped back to reality when his hands found her armpits and he hauled her out of danger. Her arm fell out of Bellamy's hold and they stared at each other, breathless.

Jasper lets out a groan as Wells and Murphy lay him down on a makeshift bed on the third level of the dropship and Clarke quickly sets to work. She peels the rest of the leaves off his wounds and assesses each one closely. Monty and Octavia hovering over her shoulder don't help with her concentration but she can't blame them, they're worried about their friend. She is too.

Murphy leaves as soon as Jasper's on the bed but Wells lingers. Clarke wished he would leave too but she doesn't have enough energy to bother with him right now anyway.

"He's badly injured," Clarke informs after a few moments. "The smaller wounds will heal with no problem, but this one," She gestures to a larger gash along his rib cage, "I'll need to stitch that up." Monty and Octavia nod, some worry clearing from their faces.

"The spear wound is a whole other story, though. He's lucky it didn't strike his heart, or he'd be dead right now. But that doesn't mean he's guaranteed to live." Clarke says honestly, the last sentence weighing at her heart.

"You hear that," Octavia quietly coos at the boy, who obviously hadn't heard a thing, "You're lucky." A small smile crosses her lips and Clarke feels her own mouth turn up in a smile at the gesture.

"They put something on his wound." Clarke says when she notices a reddish colored poultice on the hole in his chest. "If I can figure out what it is, I bet it would be even more effective in a tea."

"It looks like seaweed." She doesn't even realize Wells has kneeled down beside her until he speaks. "I aced Earth Skills, remember." He says to Clarke when she narrows her eyes at him. He offers her a small smile. She doesn't return the action.

"Well there must be some of it somewhere nearby, maybe in the river or something," She directs her question to Monty or Octavia, who both stare at her in confusion. Wells takes this as his cue to start talking again.

"I actually know where we can find some, there's some in the river downstream from where Jasper was hit." He says, and Clarke grits her teeth. She knows his information is helpful, but that doesn't mean she wants anything to do with him.

"Okay, I'll leave tomorrow." She says, before standing up and patting Monty's back comfortingly as he stays by his friends side. "No one should be leaving camp in the dark, it's too dangerous out there. Jasper is stable now, so he should be able to wait until tomorrow." Clarke then turns away from Wells before he can say another word and climbs down the ladder of the dropship. She's starving and tired, and she can't wait to eat some of that animal Bellamy killed. She was pretty sure it was a panther, but she wasn't positive. Either way, it was supper.

However, when she exited the dropship, what she say almost made her lose her appetite.

The hundred were all standing in a line to get a hunk of meat on a stick, but Bellamy and Murphy were standing between them and the food. She watched as one at a time, the kids came forward and had their wristbands removed before receiving food.

"They're taking off their wristbands for food? No way, I won't do it." She mutters to herself, disbelieving. Suddenly someone appears beside her.

"You don't have to." Finn says and she starts at his sudden appearance, glancing over at him. She's still angry about him not helping them with Jasper, but she's so hungry right now that she can forget all that for the time being if he can get her some food.

Without saying another word, he walks up to the fire where the meat is being heated and reaches out to grab one. Murphy turns around to stop him, and they speak quietly for a moment before Finn says something that shuts Murphy up, before taking a stick of meat. Clarke follows suit and grabs her own, causing Bellamy's head to turn.

As Clarke walks away, she hears a flurry of commotion behind her but chooses to ignore it, instead making her way to a corner of the camp to sit on a log and eat in peace. A few moments later, Octavia joins her.

"Hey," Clarke says, and Octavia smiles at her and nods in greeting before digging in to her food. Clarke notices that the younger girl still has her wristband on, and when Octavia sees her looking at it, she just shrugs.

"Being the camp leader's little sister has it's perks." She says, with a playful smirk. Clarke can't help but smile back. Something about this girl is just so charismatic. Clarke is glad she can call her her friend.

"You have any idea where you're sleeping tonight?" Clarke asks, turning back to face the camp and taking a bite of the panther meat. With everything that's happened today, neither of them have had the chance to build their own tents.

"No, but I figure Bel will figure something out for me. He's good like that." She replies. "What about you?"

"At this point, I could sleep anywhere." Clarke answers honestly, and Octavia snickers. "But I'll probably just find somewhere in the dropship." Octavia scrunches her nose at that.

"No way! You've done more to help than anyone today, my brother included, if anyone deserves a proper place to sleep, it's you." She says, and Clarke feels her chest grow warm at the other girls sincerity. She smiles lightly at her.

"Really Octavia, I'll be fine. I mean, yeah, it won't be the best sleep, but I'll survive." Octavia wasn't having it.

"Nope. You're gonna sleep with me, wherever Bel sets me up. I'm sure there will be plenty of extra room." Clarke immediately opens her mouth to protest, but Octavia cuts her off.

"Don't even try to argue Clarke, this is happening." Then her eyes light up in excitement. "Besides, I've never had a roommate before, it's always just been Bellamy and Mom, it'll be fun to spend the night with someone else for a change." She smiles hopefully at Clarke and really, how is she supposed to refuse.

"Fine," She says, her tone light. "But you don't have any idea if Bellamy's even got something planned for you. You have a lot of faith in an empty plan." Clarke points out, and Octavia just smiles fondly.

"I have a lot of faith in him. He may seem like a jackass, but he'll come through, Clarke. He always has." Clarke feels a fondness of her own well up inside her, and she tries to ignore it. The pull she feels towards Bellamy suddenly feels stronger and she has to swallow down the urge to go to him. Again.

Instead, she just nods, and Octavia beams at her. They sit in silence for a few more minutes, enjoying their food, and the fresh air, and the stars, and all of it. Earth really is beautiful at night.

Once they're both finished eating, they stand up and Octavia begins to walk over to Bellamy, motioning Clarke to follow. She only hesitates for a moment, but Octavia notices and rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Clarke, I know he's a dick but he doesn't bite." Clarke forced a smile and followed Octavia to her brother, subconsciously chewing on her bottom lip nervously.

When they reach him, he turns around at his sister voice, but his eyes immediately fall on Clarke. Her heart drops and she swallows nervously under his gaze. But as soon as the moment begins, it's over. His eyes move to Octavia and the exchange was so fast that his sister didn't even notice. Or didn't seem to at least.

"So, where am I sleeping?" She asks her brother, rocking back and forth on her feet. He smiles at her and nods to a tent at the side of the camp.

"I set it up while you were going on your 'walk'," He says, and she smiles at him and gives him a small hug, squeaking out a 'thanks, Bel' before turning around and grabbing Clarke's wrist, dragging her to her new tent.

Clarke catches Bellamy's eye before she's pulled away, and she can feel the confusion coming off him as Octavia pulls her into her tent.

They both take a second to look around, there's a small stump next to a pile of blankets that Clarke assumed was meant to be a bed. On the stump there's a metal cup with some water in it. Clarke can't help but be touched by the thoughtfulness of it all.

Octavia plops down on the 'bed' and pats the spot beside her until Clarke sits down. She then begins to untie her boots and slides off her jacket, throwing them both into the corner before crossing her legs and facing Clarke.

Clarke repeats the other girls actions and then turns to look at her expectantly, she can tell there's something Octavia wants to say.

"Thank you," She eventually speaks up. "For saving Jasper. And for somehow getting Bellamy to let me go with you guys. And for being so nice to me. I've never had any friends besides Bel, and it's nice." Octavia's words are soft and Clarke can't help but smile at her.

"Yeah, I like being your friend too, O." Clarke replies. "And thanks for letting me stay here. Don't tell Bellamy or I'll probably never hear the end of it, but the tent - it's nice." Octavia snickers at her words before nudging Clarke with her shoulder.

"So, let's talk about something other than my brother," She smirks and raises her eyebrows. "You got your eye on any of the guys in the camp yet?" Clarke almost laughs at the irony of the question, especially when you add the former sentence.

"Not really, no." Clarke lies. "What about you? Jasper, huh?" Clarke's tone is teasing and Octavia looks at the ground and blushes. Her smile falls after a moment though, and she looks up to meet Clarke's eyes, hers now filled with worry.

"Clarke, do you really think he's going to be okay?" Her voice is just above a whisper. Clarke gives her a sad smile and nods once.

"Trust me, Octavia, I've been training to be a doctor for years, I'm a little rusty, since I was in solitary for so long, but if I say there's hope, there's hope." Clarke answers honestly, grateful when some of the worry in the others eyes is replaced with comfort.

"Thank god, I still haven't properly thanked him for saving me." She says, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Oh?" Clarke smirks, "And how do you plan to do that?" Her tone suggestive, and Octavia starts laughing, actually laughing.

"Shut up, Clarke!" She elbows her in the arm and Clarke feels laughter bubbling in her own chest. It's been a while since she's felt this happy. This carefree. She's really glad Octavia offered for her to stay in her tent. This was actually pretty fun.

"On the topic though," Octavia says once they've both calmed down. "Soulmates, have you met yours?" Clarke's heart stops at her words, and she tries not to let her emotions show on her face. She clears her throat.

"No, have you?" Octavia narrows her eyes at Clarke, clearly not believing her. But after a moment she just leans back on her arms and sighs.

"Nope, but I know his name, pretty lucky, huh? It's on my soulmark." She then holds out her arm, pulling back her sleeve to reveal the mark.

_My name... is Lincoln._

Clarke smiles softly at the girl, and Octavia suddenly feels self conscious. She pulls her arm away and tugs her sleeve over her soulmark.

"Sorry, I've never showed that to anyone but Bel and my mom, I don't know if you're even supposed to show other people, was that like... awkward? I didn't mean to make it awkward, sorry!" Octavia's words come out quickly and nervously and Clarke just places an arm on her shoulder comfortingly.

"It's fine, Octavia. Some people don't like to show theirs, but it's not a universal private thing." She says, and she can feel the girl relax under her touch.

"Good," She says, then, after a beat, "Bellamy's been trying to find someone named Lincoln on the Ark since he first read it, but he didn't have any luck. And he was looking for years. And there's no one down here with that name so..." Her voice trails off and Clarke can tell she's worried that she'll never meet him.

"But anyway," Octavia is suddenly back to her regular, perky self. "Show me yours." Her tone is excited and Clarke's throat goes dry.

"Wha- What?" She scolds herself for the stutter, and Octavia frowns.

"Oh! I'm sorry, never mind, it's a privacy thing. I shouldn't have- You don't have to- I just thought- never mind, I'll stop talking." She forces a quiet chuckle to ease some of the tension.

"It's fine, O. You don't need to worry about it, I just- I'm not really comfortable with showing anyone mine, okay?" She feels a frown tug her lips down as she thinks about her talk with Bellamy in the woods earlier. They needed to finish that conversation soon.

"Do you know what it's like?" Octavia suddenly asks, and Clarke frowns in response. "Having a soulmate, I mean. See, my mom was born without a soulmark, and Bellamy hasn't met his yet, so I've never actually been told what it's like." Clarke is hit with a sudden thought.

"Have you seen Bellamy's soulmark?" She blurts out before she can even think about the words. She immediately regrets her outburst when Octavia tilts her head at her.

"No," She says slowly, confusion lingering in her eyes. "He never showed me, said it didn't matter anyway." Clarke tried to ignore the stab of pain in her heart at Octavia's words.

"Why?" At the girls question, Clarke didn't have an answer that would actually make any sense to her, so she just shrugged nonchalantly.

"No reason." Octavia stared at her for a few more moments, her eyes disbelieving.

"My mom said it was like a connection ingrained in your very being." Clarke says, trying to change the topic. Once Octavia realized what she was talking about, she let their previous conversation go and listened intently.

"She said that being together was euphoric, and being apart was hard, but not impossible. She said that even when you were apart, you could feel what they feel, you could know where they are and how they are. She said that even when my dad was working on the other side of the ship, she sometimes felt like he was right next to her. It's a connection that runs that deep."

"When he was sad or scared or happy or tired, she would feel it too. But it wasn't her own feelings and she knew that. I told her that didn't sound so great when I was younger, but she said that it only strengthened their bond, it only made them more open and vulnerable to each other. She said that because of that, she fell in love with my dad all over again every single day."

Octavia had a pleasant smile on her face, and she was listening intently, eating up every word Clarke spoke.

"And then, she lost him." Clarke's voice hitched over the words and Octavia's brows furrowed in concern. "When he died, she said that she had never felt a greater pain. She said that she could feel the exact moment he stopped living, the exact moment his feelings in her ceased to exist. She said it left a gaping hole that could never be filled. Knowing that he was gone forever. My mother had once said that it was a bond that could never be broken, but when he died, she told me that it felt like it had been ripped to shreds."

Clarke didn't realize she was crying until she felt Octavia's arms wrap around her and pull her into an embrace. Clarke squeezed her back and willed the tears to stop falling before pulling away and wiping her eyes.

"Sorry," Clarke croaked after a minute. "That got kinda dark." A broken laugh comes out of her throat and Octavia just shuffles into the space beside her and puts her arm around Clarke's back, leaning her head on the blonde's shoulder.

"It's okay, Clarke." She says soothingly, and Clarke sniffles. She hasn't cried this much in a long time, and she suddenly realizes that it's not because she was thinking of her dad. Well, yeah, of course that was part of the reason, but when she was explaining what her mother felt, she was also imagining herself in that same scenario.

It was there, leaning against Octavia in the makeshift tent that Bellamy had made for her, that Clarke realized something that scared her more than anything else ever had.

She couldn't lose Bellamy Blake. Ever.

**...**

**i hope you enjoyed this chapter, there wasn't a lot of bellarke in it but its more of a filler chapter then anything. i got clarke to eat with octavia instead of finn because i love clarktavia sm and i thought they should have a good friendship built up sooner rather than later. and clarke calling her 'o' will be addressed later so be ready for that. i'm kinda just going off my memory for all the canon stuff going on so if it's a little off or out of order sorry about that. and yes, i made lincoln octavia's soulmate because how could i not. anyway let me know what you thought of this chapter, i love hearing from you guys**

**dont be a silent reader**


	9. Chapter 9

Bellamy tried not to stare as he watched his sister pull his soulmate into her tent. He tried not to think about the fact that his tent was directly next to hers, meaning he'd be sleeping less than five feet away from Clarke.

He felt annoyance tug at his chest at how terrible he was at not being bothered by this whole soulmates situation. He had told himself a hundred times in the last twelve hours that he wasn't going to care, that he would just ignore it, that he would go on with his plan and consequences be damned, but here he was, obsessing over the fact that he would be sleeping in the tent next to hers.

He sighed and shook his head, trying - and failing - to clear his thoughts. He turns away from the tents and instead heads in Miller's direction, planning on asking him to take first watch. He had no idea if the grounders were going to be out there, but better safe than sorry. And in just one day, he had learned to trust Miller the most out of any of the other hundred. Besides Clarke.

"Miller," He called, and the boy turned away from his conversation with Murphy, heading in Bellamy's direction.

"What's up?" He said, and Bellamy briefly explained the watch. Miller looked slightly exasperated, obviously just wanting to get to bed, but agreed anyway. He was going to be replaced by Murphy in a couple hours, who Bellamy would then replace at first light.

After their exchange, Bellamy headed back toward his own tent, trying to ignore the comforting feeling growing in his chest the closer he got to Octavia's tent. The closer he got to Clarke.

He opened the flap to his own tent, and was immediately met by the sight of a petite brunette faced the other way. He frowned and cleared his throat at her, causing her to jump and turn around, clearly nervous.

"Hi," He said, his voice questioning. "Can I do something for you?"

When she didn't immediately respond, he crossed his arms and leaned back on his heels, waiting for her to spit it out.

Except, she never said anything. She just took a deep breath and stepped closer to him, all of a sudden in his face. He raised an eyebrow at her movement, finally realizing exactly what she wanted from him.

When he didn't show any sign of reacting, she took that as an invitation, and leaned forward. Her lips were only inches from Bellamy's before he stepped back, and she immediately flushed bright red at the denial.

"Sorry." Bellamy said, his tone not apologetic in the slightest. "Not interested." He knew he was being harsh, but his words were nothing to match the feeling in his chest. The disgust that lingered there at the thought of doing anything with this girl wasn't even directed at her, it was directed at this stupid feeling that he'd be betraying someone. That he'd be betraying Clarke. Which is ridiculous, they've barely even held a conversation, let alone done anything intimate.

But the feeling was real and he couldn't just ignore it. And really, he wasn't interested. She wasn't his type anyway.

Embarrassed, the girl squeaked out an apology before practically running out of his tent, covering her bright red face. As soon as she was gone, Bellamy huffed and removed his boots and shirt, falling back into the blankets he had tried to make a bed out of. It was not nearly as comfortable as it looked.

Regardless, he felt better than he had in a long time. He was free, he was on the ground, he was with his sister again. This was the first night in over a year that he didn't feel like his own existence was weighing him down. This was the first night in over a year that he wasn't kept up by his thoughts, by what-if's and self-loathing comments. He was at peace.

He was almost drifting off when something abruptly awoke him. Whether it was the feeling in his chest or the noises in the tent next to him, he couldn't just fall back asleep.

It was a stinging pain, a feeling of loss, the same Bellamy would feel for his mother or used to feel for Octavia, but this time it wasn't his own. However, the feeling was also tinged with fear and a sort of helplessness that shook Bellamy to his core. And he could hear sniffles coming from Octavia's tent, and he knew what his sister sounded like when she cried, it wasn't her.

Clarke was feeling a tremendous amount of grief and fear and she was _crying_ less than five feet away from him and he couldn't do anything. He felt more annoyance gnawing at him. He needed to do something, he couldn't just lay here like nothing was going on. And there was no way in hell that he'd be able to sleep now even if he tried.

So, after a few minutes, he got up, put on his shirt and boots, and took a deep breath before exiting his tent, repeating what he had prepared to say to seem inconspicuous for the millionth time in his head.

"O?" He calls at her tent, willing his voice not to reveal how nervous he really is. God, he's ridiculous.

When he doesn't hear a response for a moment, he wonders if they somehow fell asleep in the couple minutes it's been since he heard her. Maybe they're just ignoring him. Then, right as he's about to go back to his own tent and try to get some sleep, he hears shuffling from in the tent and Octavia calls for him to enter.

When he steps inside, he's met with the sight of a slightly disheveled, red-eyed Clarke Griffin staring at the ground, and the sight makes his heart ache. He swallows before focusing back on Octavia, who stands from her previous seat next to the blonde.

"What's up?" She asks, trying to sound casual. Bellamy swallows again.

"I thought- I heard- Is-?" Great, there goes his perfectly inconspicuous speech. He takes a deep breath.

"I heard something over here, I just wanted to make sure you were alright." He finally says, the words coming together much better than before. Octavia gives him a small smile in return, probably thinking he just felt awkward before for barging in to this situation.

"I'm fine, you can go back to bed now." She says politely, but her eyes are telling him to 'get the hell out'. Bellamy gets that. He knows he's clearly interrupting something private or personal, but he can't just do nothing. So he speaks again, trying his best to direct his words to Clarke, despite speaking to his sister.

"Okay, but if you need anything, I'm not really tired and I don't have watch til first light. So just," His eyes flick over to Clarke for a second, and he finds her already looking at him. He quickly looks back to Octavia.

"Come by, I'll be up." Octavia frowns, slightly confused, but after a moment she just nods.

"I think I'll survive, Bel," She jokes. "But, thanks." She plants a kiss on his cheek before turning back around and sitting next to Clarke again. When she looks up to see Bellamy still standing there, she gestures her hand to the flap of her tent and he realizes he's overstayed his welcome. Not that he was even welcome in the first place.

"G'night, Bellamy." She says purposefully, and he finally nods a goodbye and exits, not feeling much better than he did before entering. He just hoped Clarke understood what he meant when he was talking to O.

He wasn't entirely lying either, yeah, he is pretty tired, but he doubts he'll be able to sleep with these feelings still lingering in his chest. He walks in his tent and takes off his boots a shirt again before climbing back into his makeshift bed. He makes himself comfortable before staring at the ceiling of his tent and waiting.

After what feels like hours, and probably is, he hears shuffling in Octavia's tent. He suddenly feels overly nervous as he hears footsteps move out of his sisters tent and hesitate in front of his. Bellamy holds his breath.

She's quiet for another long moment, and he wonders briefly if it's because she doesn't know what to do. At this point, he's positive it's not his sister, because if it was, she wouldn't have thought twice about whether Bellamy was sleeping or not before noisily entering his tent and nudging him awake.

"Bellamy?" The voice is quiet and unsure, and he can hear the exhaustion in her tone. He's out of bed before he can even think to respond, and he opens the flap of his tent before he can begin to think of what he's going to say.

As soon as their eyes meet, he can't speak or move or think. There's so much emotion swimming around in her beautiful blue orbs that he's struck to the very core. He has to remind himself to breathe.

After a couple seconds, her eyes drift down to his bare chest before shooting back up to his in embarrassment. He almost finds it in him to be amused, but then he remembers how she looked earlier, with a puffy face and bloodshot eyes, fresh tear tracks running down her cheeks.

He clears his throat.

"Hey," His voice is scratchy with disuse, and she offers him a small smile in response.

"Hey."

He stares at her for another moment, before gesturing her inside. When she's in his tent and he turns to face her, he decides he likes this much more than he did with the brunette from earlier.

He quickly throws on a shirt and his jacket, lacing up his boots before nodding with his head at the door.

_Let's talk somewhere else._

He can tell she understands because she nods and makes steps out of his tent, and he follows close behind. He's halfway across the lifeless camp when he remembers Murphy is probably on watch right about now, and he'd rather him not see Bellamy leaving camp with Clarke.

So he motions for her to stay put as he looks around for Murphy, finally spotting him behind a tree, facing away from camp. Bellamy almost feels proud, he wasn't sure Murphy could handle being on watch considering he's only been a selfish prick for the majority of the time Bellamy's been around him, but when he makes his way around the tree and lays his eyes on Murphy's sleeping form, his pride disappears. He's not surprised though.

For a moment, he almost wakes him. He shouldn't be leaving the camp unguarded, especially not when his sister is in there, but he figures that if a grounder comes, Murphy will hopefully wake up. Not to mention this works out perfectly for him and Clarke. Speaking of.

He turns back to face the blonde, and motions her forward. She walks over and he puts a finger to his lips, nodding at the sleeping boy. Realization lights up her eyes and they sneak past him and fall into step beside each other in the darkness of the forest.

They walk in silence for a few more minutes and when Bellamy deems them far enough away from the camp to talk without worrying about waking someone or alerting Murphy, he steps in front of Clarke and she stops in her tracks.

She looks up at him, faint surprise flickering across her face at the sudden movement. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. They stare at each other for a few more moments before Clarke's gaze falls on something over his shoulder, her face lighting up in awe and wonder. He quickly turns around, following her gaze.

On a tree, a little ways away, there's a glowing blue mushroom growing from it's trunk. Bellamy watches as Clarke passes him silently, making her way over to the plant. After a moment, he follows.

When they reach the tree, Clarke sees more glowing to her left, and they walk in that direction, before entering a section of trees that is practically lit up with blue. More mushrooms grow off of trees and out of the ground, there's blades of grass with glowing blue flowers and balls on the ends, and one of the trees is completely covered in butterflies, their wings shining with the same hue.

Bellamy can't help but stare, awestruck at how beautiful it is. His eyes fall onto Clarke after a couple seconds though, and he finds he's unable to look away. Her eyes flit from one thing to another, her hands running over trees and flowers as she stares at everything, a genuine smile painted on her face. After a couple minutes of her exploring the area, she turns to face him, her eyes lit up in amazement, and the sight is breathtaking.

Even surrounded by a glow in the dark forest, he can't tear his eyes off of her. And as he looks into her blue eyes, he swears he's never seen something so beautiful.

Maybe, right now, Clarke didn't need to talk. Maybe, she just needed to be here, in the moment. (With him).

**...**

**there's another chapter! since this is the ninth chapter it officially makes it the longest story i've posted on here, and i'm nowhere near done. i'm really enjoying writing this and i'm so happy you're all enjoying reading it too. anyway i love the idea of bellamy and clarke in the glow in the dark forest so i wrote it, next chapter there will (probably) be a lot more communication between them too so be ready for that**

**dont be a silent reader**


	10. Chapter 10

"It's beautiful," Clarke's voice is soft and full of wonder. It's the first time one of them have spoken since they left camp.

"Yeah," Bellamy murmurs in response, looking around in wonder. Clarke lets out a soft sigh as she watches him and his gaze returns to her, a small smile tugging at his lips. They stare at each other for a few seconds before Bellamy speaks up.

"What's wrong?" She goes rigid at the words, thinking back to her conversation with Octavia. She's quiet for a long time, but she eventually responds.

"Octavia asked about soulmates." Clarke's voice hitches over the words, deciding to start at the beginning.

"She, um, she said she never got told what it felt like to have one, since her mom was born without a soulmark and you hadn't met yours yet..." Her voice trails off and Bellamy swallows.

"Anyway, I started describing to her what my mom had told me it felt like with my father. I told her how deep the connection ran and how happy she felt being around him. Octavia was really interested." Clarke tried to ignore the familiar feeling in her gut. She could tell Bellamy was feeling it too.

"But then I got kind of off topic and started talking about what my mom felt when they flo-" Her voice cracked. "When my dad died."

"She told me it was the worst feeling of emptiness she'd ever experienced, like a hole in her life that could never be filled." As she spoke to Bellamy, she felt tears well up in her eyes again.

"And," She inhales shakily, willing herself to calm down. It doesn't work.

"I was just... I guess I'm still emotional about my dad," She started, not sure where she was going with this, not sure how much of the next part she wanted to tell Bellamy.

"And, it got me thinking..." She looked up from the ground to meet Bellamy's brown eyes, so full of pain and concern.

"I don't want to lose anyone else like that. Not again." She settles for indirectly telling him how she really feels, but she can see in his eyes that he understands. He gets it. He gets her.

Clarke feels a tear drip down her cheek and the next thing she knows she's wrapped up in Bellamy's arms. She's shocked for a moment at how quickly it had happened, but she soon relaxes into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing him impossibly closer.

As she buries her face in his shoulder, she feels his breath hitch and his heart stutter. She's long given up on stopping her tears, and she stands with him, tucked against his chest in a glowing forest in the middle of the night for God knows how long.

She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to focus solely on his breath. It's steady and calming, and as she listens, she forgets where she is. She forgets the grounders and Jasper and Wells and the life support on the Ark failing. She forgets her worry and fears and pain and just listens.

She feels safe. She feels warm and protected. She's at peace, and she never wants to lose this feeling.

It feels so _right_.

Finally, after what felt like ages, they pull away from each other. They only put a few inches of space between each other, though, and they keep their hands firmly clasped around each others elbows. Neither of them wanting to let go.

They stand like this for a few seconds, before Bellamy gives a small chuckle. A watery smile crawls up Clarke's cheeks at the sound, and they eventually let go of each other, but they're still standing fairly close.

"This is crazy." Bellamy offers, when the silence stretches.

"Completely." Clarke responds, and neither of them stop smiling.

Bellamy then averts his gaze and looks at the sky, and Clarke follows his eyes.

It's breathtaking. Yeah, Clarke could see the stars on the Ark, but somehow, they were even more stunning from the ground. As Clarke stares up at the sky, her thoughts roam to the Ark, then to her mother. And she suddenly remembers full force why they were sent down here and what Bellamy was doing about the wristbands. She gets a bitter taste in her mouth at the memory of him and Murphy removing kids wristbands before giving them food.

As she glances over at him, she frowns slightly. He seems so different now. He doesn't seem like the asshole he tries to be back at camp. She can tell it's an act, now more than ever. So, instead of getting upset and shouting about the wristbands, she takes a calming breath and decided her best course of action.

By now Bellamy can sense the change in mood and is looking at her, frowning slightly, waiting for her to speak her mind.

"What did you do?" She whispers, and his frown deepens. She can tell he's confused, so she continues.

"On the Ark. To get down here. You did something, I can tell." He tenses up and suddenly looks a lot like a deer in the headlights.

"It's why you're so hellbent on getting the wristbands, why you don't want to Ark to follow us down here." Her voice grows stronger with each word, and Bellamy grows tenser.

"What did you do?"

He stares at her, and for a moment, Clarke worries he'll lash out and curse at her before not speaking to her ever again. It's an irrational fear, but a fear all the same. But she stands her ground, she needs to know.

"That's none of your damn business." He growls out after a moment, his eyes falling to the ground. Clarke tries not to feel hurt at his words or tone, she knows he's just upset and clearly defensive, but it's no use. The single sentence feels like a stab to her chest.

"Bellamy," When she says his name his eyes flick back up to hers, and they're full of fear and vulnerability. She swallows hard, trying to ignore the lump in her throat at the sight.

"You can tell me," It's her way of saying he can trust her. Her way of saying that whatever it was, she knows that it wasn't who he is. She can feel his regret itching under her skin. She knows.

"It's not-" He starts speaking but abruptly cuts himself off, his face scrunching up as he turns away from her.

"I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here." His voice is angry and scared and broken and the last thing Clarke wants to do is let him go, not now, not ever. And even though she knows he doesn't mean them, his words still hurt.

Clarke gives up on words and approaches Bellamy's back slowly instead, and when she's in arms reach, she places her hand on his shoulder. He immediately leans into her touch and for a moment, everything is feels right again.

But then he shrugs her off and turns to look at her, his eyes watery.

"What do you want from me, Clarke?" He asks, his voice raising and Clarke inhales sharply, trying to stay calm.

"I want you to tell me, I want you to _trust_ me. Bellamy, please." Her voice begins to grow desperate and she reaches out to him again, but he shakes her off, taking a step back.

"Trust you?" A scoff leaves his lips. "I barely know you."

And with that, he turns and walks back to camp, ignoring Clarke's calls. Once he's out of sight Clarke looks up to the sky again, feeling like something just tore a hole in her heart. She wipes her eyes when more tears fall, and inhales shakily. She's not going to lose it in the middle of the woods over someone she just met that day. Even if he was her soulmate.

Clarke's breath hitched at that thought but she swallows her sadness and headed back in the direction of the camp as well, deciding that this was a problem that could be sorted out tomorrow. She briefly remembered that she had to get Jasper seaweed tomorrow too, and she knew she was going to be exhausted.

By the time she made it back, Murphy was no longer laying against the tree but she could see him walking around the outside of the other side of camp. Some watchman. Clarke rubbed at her weary eyes and found her way back through camp and into Octavia's tent. She tried to ignore the tugging feeling in her heart knowing that Bellamy was in the next tent over.

She lay on her back for a while, staring at the ceiling. Her mind was racing and so was her pulse, and she tried and tried not to think about the conversation - well, argument - she had had with Bellamy earlier.

In the Bellamy's tent, he was trying to do the same thing. He had finally managed to calm down his breathing but he couldn't silence the regret and anger with himself that was coursing through him. So much for peace.

Neither of them slept that night.

**...**

**so i decided to add a teeny bit of angst because it's fun to write (there will definitely be more). i guess i'm kinda bad at writing slow burns because it's only been a day but so much has happened, but i blame the 100 for making the longest slowburn in history. anyway this chapter makes my fic 20k words which is the most words i've written for a fanfic so that's cool :) let me know what you thought of this chapter**

**dont be a silent reader**


	11. Chapter 11

It was just after dawn when Clarke decided to get up. She'd been laying in bed listening to Octavia breathe for what must have been two or three hours, and when the birds had begun singing, announcing the sun was approaching, she had heard Bellamy heave a sigh, followed by some rustling and grumbling, and then he was gone. Probably to take watch.

It had been at least a half hour since then, and Clarke knew there was no way she was getting any sleep tonight. So she had gotten up, pulled on her jacket and boots, and headed out of the tent. She heard Octavia stir, but didn't stay long enough to see if she would fully wake up yet.

After Clarke had stepped outside and took a few refreshing breaths of the crisp morning air, she felt the tiniest bit more energized as she rolled her shoulders and shook her head a couple times, trying to clear the grogginess in her mind.

Clarke jumps as a scream pierces through the camp, and panic engulfs her for a moment. She's frozen until a second scream breaks her out of her shock, followed by a whimpered 'no'. The next think Clarke knows, she's running toward the sound.

A little girl is curled up beside a tree near the edge of camp, her eyes squeezed shut as tears fall down her face and she lets out a few more helpless shouts. Clarke is quick to go to her, realizing she must be having a nightmare, and nudges her awake gently, not wanting to startle the girl.

The girl jumps up and looks around quickly, her eyes wide and panicked. When she takes in her surroundings, her shoulders relax slightly, but Clarke can tell that whatever she was dreaming about is still haunting her.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Clarke soothes, and the girl meets her eyes, her breath coming out in shaky gasps. After a few moments, she calms down a bit more and wipes her face, despite the tears still falling.

"It's okay," And now that Clarke can see the girl a bit better, she vaguely recognizes her. "You're Charlotte, right?" Charlotte nods in response, and Clarke puts on what she hopes is a reassuring smile.

"I'm Clarke." The girl just looks at her.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Clarke asks tentatively, not wanting to say something that will frighten her. She nods after a second, her eyes falling to the ground as she pulls her legs into her chest and wraps her arms around them, shaking like a leaf.

"I have them every night," Her voice is small and scared, and Clarke can't help the feeling of pity as she watches the poor girl.

"It's okay to be scared," Clarke replies. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's my parents," She finally says, and Clarke's chest aches with sorrow for the girl. She couldn't have been older than twelve.

"They we're floated and I see it in my dreams, and I just..." Her voice cracks and trails off, more tears running down her face. Clarke places her hand on Charlotte's shoulder.

"Yeah, I understand." Clarke hopes she sounds comforting, she's never been great with kids. "My dad was floated, too." The memory hurts, but her concern is with Charlotte right now. She looks up and meets her eyes, and they share a moment of understanding.

"So how'd you end up here?" Clarke asks, when the silence between them stretches on. She couldn't see what a little girl could have done that was so bad they'd send her down here to die.

"Well," She pauses, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes again. She was strong, and Clarke admired that. But at the same time she knew that she shouldn't have to be.

"They were taking my parents things to the redistribution center and I kinda lost it," Charlotte responds, and Clarke frowns slightly, she's just a kid. She didn't deserve all this.

"They said I assaulted a guard." Her voice is regretful, but Clarke can see why she would do something like that in a situation so precarious.

"I can't say I blame you," Clarke offers her a small smile, and surprisingly, she returns it. Clarke takes a moment to think about her next words.

"I think, whatever happened up there on the Ark, you know, the pain, maybe... Maybe we can move past that now." Charlotte just looks at her. "Maybe being on the ground is our second chance."

"Do you really believe that?" Charlotte asks after a long pause. Clarke smiles again.

"I'm trying to," She answers honestly, and Charlotte nods slowly. Clarke then puts her arm around the smaller girl and pulls her into her, resting her head on Charlotte's. They stay like that for a minute before Clarke notices the girl is starting to drift off again, and she decides that she's not just going to let her sleep out here on the ground, not when she had a perfectly good bed in Octavia's tent.

"Hey," She nudges the girl awake. "Come on, I've got somewhere nicer for you to sleep."

Clarke and Charlotte stand up, and suddenly he's there. When she turns around she spots Bellamy a few feet away, just watching the two of them. When their eyes meet, he quickly turns his head and walks away, resuming his watch. Clarke wonders how long he'd been standing there. Did he hear Charlotte's screams and come to check on her too? Had he been watching them the whole time? Clarke shakes her head to clear her thoughts, and then looks back down at a slightly confused Charlotte, offering her a small smile before nodding towards Octavia's tent.

When they enter Octavia's tent, she's already awake and is pulling her boots on. She looks up questioningly when Clarke brings Charlotte in.

"Hey Clarke," She looks at the little girl, then back at the blonde. "Did you get much sleep?"

Octavia stands up as Clarke nods, but she knows her eye bags betray her.

"Really? Because I thought I heard you get up in like, the middle of the night. And when you came back you were tossing and turning for hours." Octavia sees right through her.

"Yeah, I got up to pee and, I don't know, new bed, new planet? It was hard falling back asleep is all. I didn't keep you up too long, did I?" The lies fall out of Clarke's mouth easily, and she wishes she didn't have to lie to her friend, but the truth is too much right now. Plus she's pretty sure that if Bellamy wanted Octavia to know then he would have told her himself.

"Only practically the whole night," Octavia jokes, and Clarke smiles apologetically.

"Sorry about that," She replies. "But you don't have to worry about me keeping you up anymore, Charlotte is going to take my spot in here, if that's all right with you?"

Octavia looks at the younger girl, and then back at Clarke.

"I mean, of course it is Clarke, but you don't have to give up your spot. There's plenty of room in here for all of us, I can just ask Bellamy to get a few more blankets and we can all stay in here." Clarke smiles at the girls generosity.

"Okay," She nods in agreement after a minute, and Octavia smiles. "You know, if you keep on like this, you're going to have the entire camp in here soon enough." Octavia laughs a bit at Clarke's words.

Clarke shows Charlotte to Octavia's bed and tells her to get some rest, and that if she needed anything not to be afraid to ask Clarke or Octavia. Then, when Charlotte was tucked in and drifting off, Clarke turned to Octavia.

"Thank you again, O. This means a lot." She smiles and Octavia returns the gesture before a slight frown overtakes her features.

"I meant to ask yesterday, but why do you call me that?" Octavia says, and Clarke frowns at the words, not knowing what she meant.

"O, I mean. No one calls me that except Bellamy, and I didn't think you'd be hanging around him enough to pick it up." Clarke suddenly realizes that she'd started calling her friend that subconsciously. She hadn't even known she'd been doing it until now. And she definitely hadn't been hanging around Bellamy enough for it to rub off on her, so why had she...?

"Oh, I don't know. I guess I'd heard him say it once or twice and it just stuck with me." Octavia looks unconvinced, and Clarke bites her lip under her scrutinizing gaze. Like she's trying to figure something out.

"Plus, Octavia is quite the mouthful," Clarke tries jokingly, and Octavia takes the bait, seemingly ignoring her own confusion and just letting out a quiet laugh.

"Yeah, all right." She mutters, "Anyway, I'm going to go ask Bel for some extra blankets, you wanna join me?" Clarke almost immediately refuses, not wanting anything to do with him right now, but she decides Octavia is already suspicious enough, and what harm would it do for her to be standing near him for a few moments? So she agrees and they leave the tent together.

"I know you didn't just go pee, Clarke." Octavia says suddenly, as the scan the camp for her brother. Clarke feels her pulse quicken as she grows nervous, had Octavia heard her talking to Bellamy?

"I don't know where you went, but you were gone for at least a half hour." Clarke wills herself to calm down when Octavia makes no mention of her brother.

"You know, you don't have to hide it if you were with him." Well, there goes calming down. Clarke swallows nervously.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke congratulates herself on managing to keep her voice steady, and Octavia gives her a pointed look.

"Listen, Clarke, you're my friend. It's okay, I don't even care, you can tell me things like this." Clarke opens her mouth to respond but nothing comes out.

"I know I said he was mine but really, I don't care, besides, I'm still holding out hope on Jasper." She offers Clarke a small, somewhat sad smile at the mention of their friend, but Clarke can't find it in herself to return it.

_Wait, what?_

After a couple seconds, Clarke finally figures out what Octavia is talking about, and it's not her brother. Clarke holds back a sigh of relief and let's a chuckle escape her lips at what Octavia's insinuating.

"I wasn't with Finn." She says, and Octavia frowns at her. Realizing she had clearly drawn to the wrong conclusion.

"What? I could have sworn you two had something." Octavia says, her confusion only growing when Clarke shrugs and denies her assumption.

"Well then who were you with?" Clarke feels herself tense up at the question, and she prays that Octavia didn't notice. She racks her brain for some sort of response that would make sense as to where she'd disappeared off to in the middle of the night for thirty minutes, but she can't think of anything. So she just goes for the truth. For the most part.

"Well, I really did have to pee, but when I was out there, I found this beautiful part of the forest that was glowing - actually glowing." She sees Octavia's eyes light up at her words, and is thankful that she doesn't seem to be questioning her anymore.

"There were these mushrooms growing off trees and these blades of grass and flowers and butterflies and everything was glowing bright blue. It was magical." Clarke leaves out the part about Bellamy. She leaves out the fact that out of everything she saw that night, he was the most stunning.

Octavia smiles as she seemingly tries to imagine what it would be like being there, before she grabs Clarke's arm excitedly.

"Take me," She says, "Tonight, please. I want to see it. We can bring Charlotte too, if she's up for it." Clarke smiles at Octavia's enthusiasm, and she's about to agree when she sees Bellamy on a ridge outside the camp, looking out at the forest.

Her words die in her throat and she can't look away, and Octavia quickly follows her gaze, turning around and spotting her brother.

"You found him!" She says to Clarke, before raising her voice to shout at him. "Bel! Come here!" He turns around at Octavia's voice, and starts walking over, his steps faltering when he sees Clarke standing at his sisters side. Clarke chews the inside of her cheek nervously as he approaches, more cautious than before he spotted her.

"What is it, O?" He asks, tearing his eyes from Clarke's to meet his sisters.

"We need a couple more blankets, Charlotte's staying in my tent now, too." Bellamy almost looks annoyed, but he knows that it's better for the little girl to be sleeping in a warm tent than by herself outside on the hard ground.

"Fine," He replies gruffly. "But we've already distributed the blankets." He pauses, a contemplative look on his face. "She can take one of mine, and I'll try to get one from Murphy or Miller too." Clarke tries not to appreciate that. She's upset with him, after all.

"Thanks, Bel," Octavia smiles at her brother. "You're the best."

He chuckles and smiles, and Clarke wills herself not to get lost in it.

"Of course I am," At his sentence Octavia grins and pushes his shoulder playfully, and he laughs back. Clarke's heart is warmed by the interaction. She had never wondered what it would be like to have a sibling, but now, watching their interaction, she kind of wishes she did.

She had always had Wells though, and that was enough. She felt the warmth drain from her chest at the thought. Until he killed her dad.

Real cheerful, Clarke.

By the time the sun is fully up, most of the camp is too. Bellamy had gotten the extra blankets for Octavia, much to Murphy's annoyance. Regardless, Clarke had set up another bed for Charlotte to sleep in tomorrow night, since the girl was already peacefully slumbering in Octavia's bed.

She had gone to check on Jasper before she left to get the seaweed, only to find out he was getting worse. She felt worry wash over her but tried to keep a straight face, not wanting to upset Monty or Octavia. She checked his wound again, and realized that the flesh was infected.

She had proceeded to cut the infected flesh away, hoping he wasn't septic. Wells and Finn held Jasper down and he was crying out in pain but she was getting the job done, when she heard someone climbing up the ladder. As soon as he was at the top, she knew it was him. She tried to focus on Jasper, but then he started speaking.

"That kid's a goner." He said, and Clarke felt irritation itching at her skin. "If you can't see that, you're deluded." Clarke bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to let the words get to him.

"He's making people crazy."

"Sorry if Jasper is an inconvinence to you," She gritted out, sighing in annoyance, "But this isn't the Ark." She turned around to face him, and his eyes were cold. How could this be the same Bellamy as the one who held her last night. She pushed that thought away, she'd deal with it later.

"Down here, every life matters." Bellamy shook his head slightly at her words, before gesturing to Jasper.

"Take a look at him," Clarke does. "He's a lost cause. She frowns at his words and wills herself not to agree. He has a point, Jasper looks terrible. But she knows he'll be okay. He has to be.

"There's still hope." She says, remembering what she told Octavia yesterday as she meets the girls worried eyes, she relaxes slightly at the reminder.

"It's not about hope, it's about guts." Bellamy says, and Clarke grits her teeth. "You don't have the guts to make the hard choices. I do." Clarke questions that inwardly, but doesn't dare say it out loud.

"He's been like this for hours. If he's not better by tomorrow, I'll kill him myself." Clarke hears his voice crack ever so slightly over the word 'kill'. She knows that he wouldn't. That he couldn't. At least, she hopes so.

With that, Bellamy climbs back down the ladder, not another word. Clarke wills herself to relax, she needed to remain calm if she wanted to safely complete this procedure.

"Power hungry self-serving jackass. He doesn't care about anyone but himself." Monty growls out, his eyes still on his best friend. They flick up to Octavia's momentarily.

"No offence," He offers awkwardly, and Octavia just shakes her head in response, somewhat agreeing with Monty's words.

"Yeah," Finn speaks up, "Bellamy is all that." Clarke almost wants to defend him, but pushes the irrational thought down.

"But he also happens to be right." Clarke's eyes snap up at Finn's words and she frowns at him, she can tell he's receiving similar looks from Monty, Octavia and Wells.

"No, he's not." Clarke said slowly after a moment of shock, more confused than angry. "Finn, what are you talking about?"

"I'm just saying, he doesn't seem to be getting better. And I know you all want him to but that doesn't change the fact that he might not survive." Okay, now Clarke was angry.

"Finn, listen to yourself. You sound ridiculous. He's been here less than a day and I'm trying right now to help him. Once we get rid of the infected flesh and get him that tea he'll get better. I know he will. I'm the doctor here, not you. And if you just want to be an ass then you can leave." Clarke tried not to let her frustration seep into her words, but of course she failed. Did no one want Jasper to live?

Finn just put his hands up in surrender and stood slowly, clearly realizing he wasn't wanted here. He went down the hatch too, and Monty took his place of holding Jasper down while Clarke finished her previous task.

When she was done, he was stable, but she couldn't say how long that would last. She immediately bandaged the wound and stood up, she needed to get that seaweed as soon as possible.

She briefly told Octavia and Monty where she was going and invited them but they both wanted to stay with Jasper. She understood, if it was Bellamy... She didn't finish that thought.

When she turned around, Wells was waiting for her, because _of course_ he was.

"You ready?" He asked, slinging an empty pack over his shoulder, probably for carrying the seaweed. She felt annoyance flare up inside her at his attempt to act casual with her. To act like everything was the same as it used to be and nothing had changed.

"Yes. But you're not going." She bit out, and watched as his expression fell. She climbed down the ladder and was met with Finn at the bottom. Wells climbed down after her and Finn looked between the two of them warily for a moment.

"Can I come?" He asked unsurely, and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him.

"Oh, now you're deciding that Jasper's worth it to you?" She didn't mean to sound so harsh, but she hadn't gotten any sleep last night and she was already having a bad day.

"Come on, Clarke," Finn leveled with her. "I'm just trying to help."

At that Clarke took a deep breath and reminded herself that that was what he was trying to do, and she could use some help. She wouldn't necessarily feel safe in the forest by herself. And it's not like she had anyone else to ask.

"Fine, okay, you're right. But we have to go now, Jasper can't wait much longer." Finn nodded once, and she began walking, Finn falling into step beside her.

"Guys!" Clarke didn't stop at Wells' voice, she really didn't want to deal with him right now.

"Do you even know what the stuff looks like?" His question made her pause. And she inwardly groaned when she realized he was right. She was about ready to ask him to just tell her, but she knew that they didn't have a second to lose and she wouldn't want to accidentally grab the wrong thing.

Wells took her silence as an invitation and jogged forward to reach them, leading them in the direction of the river. She didn't speak to either of them for a long time. Then Wells ruined that.

"You know," He said, and Clarke had already had enough of his voice. "You should really rethink this whole hating me thing." Her annoyance was replaced with anger. She grit her teeth.

"It's not just the grounders. We're surrounded by criminals, we need each other." Clarke let out an angry sigh, trying not to lash out. They didn't have time for an argument. Wells was not helping, though.

"We gotta be friends again." Clarke shook her head at his words, trying to ignore the anger that flared up inside her at the mere thought of befriending him after what he did.

"You got my dad killed." She swallowed her anger, her words cold. "Not possible."

She heard Wells sigh as she sped up her pace, Finn said something she couldn't make out and Wells responded before Finn caught up with her and walked beside her for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry," He spoke up suddenly, and Clarke glanced at him.

"For saying I thought Jasper was a lost cause. I shouldn't have said that, I know that you believe there's hope and that should be enough for me. And I'm sorry for not going with you to save Jasper. I was scared, and I didn't really feel like getting kabobed." Clarke snorted at his choice of words. He smiled with her.

"Really though, I am sorry." Clarke offered him a small smile, she could forgive him, it wasn't like refusing to go on a crazy mission through the grounder infested jungle to save someone who might not have even been savable was a terrible thing to do. And she wished he didn't think that about Jasper, but she can't change what other people believe. It still bothered her, but she could move past it. Finn was her friend.

"And I shouldn't have left you alone with Bellamy." Clarke's steps faltered at his name. Finn seemed to notice, but didn't say anything.

"It's okay, Finn. It was asking a lot to expect you to come. And I get it if you think Jasper won't make it. But I can tell you from a medical perspective that you're wrong. He's going to survive this." He met her eyes and nodded. She tried to ignore Wells' eyes on her.

The silence stretches as they walk on, and they're almost at the river when Finn stops in his tracks, looking at the ground under his feet. He taps his foot on the ground and Clarke frowns at his action. Wells notices too, and is just as confused.

Then Finn bends down and clears some moss off the ground, only it's not dirt underneath, it's a window and what appears to be a metal door.

He pulls a latch on the door and pulls it open, peering inside. Wells lets out a breath of astonishment.

"It's an automobile." Clarke wants to go over and inspect it more, but she immediately stops herself before she can even continue that train of thought.

"Come on guys, we don't have time for this. That thing is a hundred years old, it can wait. Jasper can't." At her words, Wells turns and starts walking again, and Finn lingers for a moment before closing the door and following Wells.

A couple minutes later, they reach the river. Wells points out the seaweed, just offshore in the water, and him and Finn begin discussing a way to get it without going in the water, not wanting a repeat of what happened to Octavia.

But like Clarke keeps saying, they don't have time to waste, so she just wades into the water and pulls off two large clumps of the plant before returning to shore. She hands it to Wells and he stuffs it in his pack, and they're about to head back when they hear flapping wings and birds calling in the distance.

Suddenly, they're engulfed by a flock of black birds, flying frantically away. Clarke covers her head with her arms and crouches down, but still receives a few minor scratches. She turns to watch the birds go and frowns at the behavior. It's not until she turns back around in the direction they came from when she sees a giant yellow cloud of fog coming toward them alarmingly fast.

"What the hell is that?" Clarke hears Finn's voice, and before she can think, her legs are moving.

"Run!" She yells to the boys, and they all sprint into the trees.

They're running as fast as they can but the fog is faster, and it's getting closer and closer until the air starts to grow dense and Clarke's skin begins to burn. And, for the second time in under twenty four hours, Clarke thinks that this is how she dies.

Then Finn's grabbing her arm and hauling open the door to the car they found earlier. Before she can even react, he's shoving her inside and jumping in after her, slamming the door closed. Wells is already inside, and before she can speak, fog starts seeping into the vehicle.

"It's getting inside! Cover the openings!" She shouts, before ripping off her jacket and shoving it into a crack in the door. Finn and Wells do the same, all of them coughing, but the jackets work and they're safe. Clarke breathes a sigh of relief before slumping down against the back of a seat, Finn and Wells doing the same.

After a couple minutes of silence, Finn wipes the window and looks outside. The air is still thick with fog. When Finn informs them of this, Clarke feels antsy, knowing Jasper could be dying while they're holed up in a hundred year old car.

"We should just make a run for it," Clarke says, knowing it's probably one of the dumbest things she's ever said, but also knowing that they can't just sit in here forever. "Jasper can't wait much longer."

"Us dying in a cloud of acid fog isn't going to help Jasper." Finn says, and she knows he's right, but it doesn't help with the irritation she feels at the thought of waiting.

Finn begins working on popping open a compartment with a knife, and when it finally pops open, he pulls out a bottle of brown liquid that Clarke vaguely recognizes.

"Is that..?"

"Booze." Finn confirms, before rattling off a couple other names for it. He goes back to sit next to Clarke and pulls off the cap. He takes a sip, despite Clarke's warning that it could be unsafe.

"It's whiskey, I think." He says, grimacing at the taste. Clarke sighs and leans back when he doesn't appear to be poisoned. He offers some to Wells, but the boy refuses, saying something or other about how it's 'toxic'. Finn presses on, saying it was a tradition. Wells' refusal only prompts her to drink some. She grabs it out of Finn's hands and both the boys turn their direction to her.

"Far be it for me to stand in the way of tradition." She says, glaring at Wells as she takes a sip. She coughs at the disgusting taste, and Wells looks at her like a kicked puppy. She hates it.

So she takes another sip, and another. Eventually, Finn takes the bottle from her, and she feels the effects of the alcohol begin to settle in. She feels slightly drowsy and definitely more relaxed than she had since they go to the ground.

**...**

**so this chapter is pretty long so sorry about that (unless you like longer chapters) but i just feel like i need to include every detail i can of this episode (1x03) because there's a lot i want to do with it. sorry if this is boring because it's pretty much just the episode but i'll try to make it as interesting as i can from here on out. **

**dont be a silent reader**


	12. Chapter 12

Bellamy hadn't slept. He got up at dawn to relieve Murphy of watch duty and took his place, sitting on a log at the edge of camp and looking out into the forest, rubbing his weary face. He looked up at the sky and watched as the last of the stars disappeared and the sky began to fill with light. It was beautiful. Once again, he was thankful he came down to the ground.

Not so thankful about what he had to do to get here though. That thought alone left a bitter taste in his mouth and he grimaced, looking back out into the trees.

He doesn't know how long he's sitting there, staring at nothing, until he hears a scream and jumps up. He frantically looks around, trying to pinpoint where the sound came from, when he hears a quieter sob. He jogs in the direction of the noise, his hand around the pistol he had pulled from his pocket. He didn't know what was waiting for him.

When he reached the source of the noise, a little girl he barely recognized, he was not expecting this. Kneeling beside her was Clarke, nudging the girl awake. She hadn't noticed Bellamy yet, and he wanted to announce himself or leave to not make it awkward, but he couldn't help but stare.

He watched her wake the girl, he watched her comfort her with quiet words he couldn't hear, and he watched her pull the girl into her chest, leaning her head against the smaller girls. And he couldn't look away. Something about Clarke interacting with this child stuck him in place and his eyes were glued to her.

He's not sure how long he stands there, watching them, but the next thing he knows Clarke is murmuring something to her and they both stand up, turning around and facing him. Clarke's eyes meet his and he turns away quickly, trying to ignore the feeling in his chest as he walks away. He wants to be upset with her, he really does. But it's a lot harder than he thought it would be.

He doesn't see her again until he climbs the dropship ladder and is met with her working on Jasper. The injured kid is all but screaming in pain and Bellamy has to swallow his pity as he wills himself to say what he needs to say.

He can tell his words have an impact on the room after he speaks them, he can tell they have an impact on Clarke. The way her eyes flit from the boys face to his wound when he tells her that he's a lost cause, and the way her shoulders tense up when he threatens to kill him if he doesn't get better by tomorrow.

Bellamy's throat catches over the words and he makes his exit, hoping that Clarke didn't catch that. He knows she did. When he reaches the first floor of the dropship, he takes a moment to steel himself before stepping outside, and ordering a couple of kids who aren't doing anything to help build a wall outside of their camp. With the grounders out there, they needed to be as best protected as they could be.

Thinking back on his words, he really hoped that Jasper got better. He didn't want to have to kill an innocent kid. Hell, he didn't even know if he'd be able to do it. He had to have faith that Clarke would be able to save him. Turns out having faith in her wasn't as hard as he'd thought it would be.

Around a half an hour later, he finds himself preparing for a hunting trip, needing another moral booster for the camp.

"Let's go kill something," Murphy mutters, probably in a worse mood than usually due to the dying kid that was groaning in pain loud enough for the entire camp to hear. But Bellamy couldn't let Murphy go with them, he needed someone to stay here and be in charge. And Murphy may not be his first choice, but he's better than no one.

"You're not coming," He says, and Murphy's eyes grow angrier.

"Like hell I'm not," He responds, and Bellamy squints at him.

"I need someone to stay here and be in charge while I'm gone." Murphy nods after a few moments of silence at Bellamy's words, and turns around to grab his knife from beneath the tree he had been trying to throw it in all morning. He wasn't succeeding, to say the least.

So Bellamy took four other kids with him and they went in search of something to kill and eat. After around twenty minutes of tracking something, they saw it. Bellamy was pretty sure he'd seen it in an Earth Skills textbook before, he was pretty sure it was called a boar.

He motions the rest of the group and they all spot it too, kneeling down and taking quieter steps as they approach it. Bellamy shakes his head at them.

"She's mine," He whispers, twirling his throwing ax in his hand. He's so close to it when suddenly a noise behind him scares it, and without thinking he turns around and throws the ax. The boar runs and the rest of the kids start chasing it, besides Bellamy and Atom.

His ax is lodged into a tree just inches away from a little girls head. The same little girl that had been with Clarke earlier.

"Who the hell are you?" He storms over, his emotions getting the better of him as he pulls the ax out of the tree.

"Charlotte," The girl offers, looking at him like she remembered him from this morning, which she probably did.

"What are you doing outside of camp? I could have killed you." Bellamy says, not showing how glad he was that he didn't. If he'd have aimed a few inches to the left, he stops that train of thought and doesn't go back to it.

"W- well that guy who was dying, I just... I couldn't listen anymore," She averts her eyes.

"There's grounders out here, it's too dangerous for a little girl." Atom speaks up, and Bellamy's about to agree with him when Charlotte responds.

"I'm not little." She says defiantly, and Bellamy's lips tug upward in amusement. She reminded him of Octavia.

"Okay then," He says, nodding at her. "But you can't hunt without a weapon." He pulls an extra knife from his pocked and hands her to her, and she takes it without hesitation.

"Ever killed something before?" Charlotte shakes her head.

"Who knows," Bellamy smiles at her again, "Maybe you're good at it." She offers him a small smile in return. When Bellamy and Atom walk away, she follows.

After another ten minutes or so, a yellow fog appears between the trees, rapidly approaching him. He frowns at it, but decides he doesn't want to sit around and wait to see what will happen when it reaches him, so he grabs Charlotte's arm and turn the other way.

"Run!" He yells to Atom, and they take off sprinting. The fog keeps growing closer to them and there's no way they'll make it to camp in time. As if by a miracle, he notices a cave opening just up ahead and alerts Atom of it, before pulling Charlotte to it and ushering her inside to safety. He's about to enter when he hears Atom calling his name.

He quickly turns around, looking back into the fog as Atom shouts again, he almost runs out into it, but as soon as it is close enough to touch his skin, it burns. He puts his face in his elbow to try to filter his breathing but it's too late. He knows he can't go back for Atom and expect to come out of this alive. So her regretfully retreats back into the cave and hopes Atom found safety somewhere else.

He knows he didn't.

Thankfully, the fog doesn't make it's way into the cave, and Bellamy heads to the back where Charlotte is, she's shaking and she looks terrified, but all Bellamy can do is place his hand on her shoulder and tell her it's okay. She nods shakily and takes a deep breath before calming down somewhat.

It's been hours and the fog shows no sign of clearing up. Bellamy glances at Charlotte's sleeping form. She's curled up in a nook in the cave wall, her breathing shallow. He's about to wake her, thinking she might have inhaled some of the fog, when her eyes fly open and she sits up abruptly, a scream of 'no' tearing out of her throat.

She quickly realizes where they are and Bellamy places his hand on her leg, trying to comfort her the best he can.

"I'm sorry," She murmurs sheepishly after realizing she must have been screaming.

"Does it happen often?" Bellamy asks softly, and her breathing evens out slightly. She sighs, looking down.

"What are you scared of?" Bellamy asks, not sure how to deal with kids. He just tries to remember what he'd do when Octavia would have a nightmare. When Charlotte makes no move to answer his question, he fills the silence.

"You know what, it doesn't matter." This causes her to look up to him and meet his eyes, he can tell she's slightly confused.

"The only thing that matters is what you do about it," He continues, and her confusion only grows.

"But I'm asleep." She says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Fears are fears," Bellamy says, shaking his head slightly and offering her a small smile. "Slay your demons when you're awake, and they won't be there to get you when you sleep."

"Yeah, but..." She's still unsure. "How?"

"You can't afford to be weak," Bellamy answers, deciding that he should just be honest with the girl. "Down here, weakness is death, fear is death." He looks in her eyes, and he's thankful that there's only a flicker of fear in her eyes at his words. He doesn't want to scare her.

"Let me see that knife I gave you," Bellamy says, breaking the silence between them. She hands it to him unsurely, and he takes it in his hands.

"Now when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say, 'Screw you, I'm not afraid'." Bellamy recalls what he used to tell Octavia to do on the Ark when the guards did a random inspection of their flat and she had to hide in a panel of the floor with nothing but her doll.

Charlotte takes the knife back tentatively and looks at it, holding it close to her chest.

"Screw you, I'm not afraid." Her voice is unsure and the sentence comes out as almost a question, and Bellamy gives her a pointed look that says 'come on, you can do better than that'. So she grasps the knife tighter and holds it even closer to her.

"Screw you, I'm not afraid." She says, her voice much more sure than last time. He nods in approval and smiles at her.

"Slay your demons, kid," He pats her knee before leaning back against the wall behind him.

"Then you'll be able to sleep."

It's not until daybreak the next day that the air finally clears, and him and Charlotte leave the cave.

"Anybody out here?" Bellamy yells, hoping that the rest of his team found shelter. "Jones?"

"We're here!" He feels relief wash over him at Jones' voice and he walks around the cave and sees nearly the whole team, the boar slung over one of their shoulders.

"Lost you in the stew," Bellamy says when he reaches them. "Where'd you go?"

"Made it to a cave down there," Jones replies. "The hell was that?"

"I don't know," Bellamy replies honestly, and he tries not to panic when he realizes that not everyone's there.

"Where's Atom?" He asks, and Jones just shakes his head indicating he doesn't know, and dread pools in Bellamy's stomach.

He doesn't even notice that Charlotte has wandered off until he hears her scream.

**...**

**here's a filler nobody asked for, the next few chapters will have a lot more detail**

**dont be a silent reader**


	13. Chapter 13

It had been hours. Clarke was trying not to freak out and the alcohol was helping a bit, but not much. She couldn't shake the fact that Jasper could be dying right now and there was nothing she could do. She felt so damn helpless. She hated feeling like this.

Clarke let out an annoyed groan and Finn and Wells both looked at her questioningly.

"It's been hours. And we're going to be holed up here for who knows how long. Jasper needs us. It's killing me." She lets her head fall and she takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.

"Jasper's in good hands," Finn tries to comfort her. "Octavia will take care of him."

"While we're on the subject," Clarke says suddenly, remembering her interaction with Finn earlier. With Bellamy.

"Why is it that everyone thinks me wanting Jasper to not die is a bad thing?" She asks, her words slightly slurred. Maybe she's had more whiskey than she thought.

"Like I'm such a downer," Clarke continues, just wanting to get it off her chest. "I can be fun. You think I'm fun." She points the bottle at Finn, and he gives her an unsure look, before nodding slightly.

"Oh yeah," He replies quietly. "Among other things." Clarke chooses to ignore the last sentence.

"You're fun." Wells speaks up for the first time in hours and the usual annoyance she'd feel when he spoke to her was only intensified in her intoxicated state.

"You- you remember that time-"

"Remember that time you betrayed me and got my father executed?" Clarke wasn't having any of his 'let's be friends again' bullshit. Not now, not ever.

"Yeah, I remember." Clarke's glare is cold, and Wells practically shrinks when she looks at him. He makes no move to respond, so she turns back to Finn, trying to ignore the tension in the air.

"Where were we? Fun."

"Yeah," Finn's voice is quiet, he's clearly feeling awkward. Clarke's anger flares up again, and words spill out of her mouth uncontrollably.

"But since you brought it up," She rounds on Wells again, "And I didn't, because I don't want to talk about it," She knows she did bring it up, but she couldn't stop herself from speaking.

"What were you thinking?" Her voice breaks. She wishes it didn't. Wells stared at her, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he searched for an answer.

"I made a mistake, Clarke." He says after a moment, his voice almost as pathetic as his excuse. Clarke scoffs and tries to hold back tears.

"'I made a mistake, Clarke'?" She quotes him, shaking her head. "Not good enough."

"You know," Clarke says, leaning towards her ex best friend. "I bet you couldn't wait to run to daddy. Tell him everything. So that he'd finally believe you were the perfect son he always wanted."

"What do you want me to say!?" When Wells shouts at her, tears of his own in his eyes, Clarke knows she's struck a nerve.

"I want an explanation." Her voice is croaky and broken, but she bet she looks worse than she sounds.

Wells is quiet for a long time, looking at the ground.

"I can't give you one. I thought I could trust him." He tries, his voice weak. Clarke shakes her head, her eyebrows furrowing as she fights back tears.

"And I thought I could trust my best friend." The words hurt more than she wished they did.

"I guess we were both wrong." Her voice is cold again, and Wells looks at her for a moment, sadness evident in his eyes. Good. He deserved it.

"Okay, let's just... take it easy." Finn puts his hands up and takes the bottle from Clarke, uneasily glancing between the two of them. Clarke swallows the lump in her throat, meeting his eyes.

"I have no idea how to do that." She replies honestly. She then looks away, not wanting to see his pity. She didn't need it.

After a few more minutes of silence, she rolls up her sleeves, suddenly way to hot. That's her first mistake.

"You met your soulmate," Wells breathes the words out, and Clarke's eyes snap up to his, widening with shock.

"How did you-" She cuts herself off when she realizes both her forearms are exposed, and the spot where her soulmark used to be is empty. Clarke quickly pulls her sleeve down, covering her bare arm.

Well, now she's sure.

"Who is it? When did it happen? It wasn't before you were arrested, right? And it couldn't have been while you were in solitary, unless it was a guard, but why would he say that? So it had to be someone down here, someone on the ground..." Wells' irritating muttering trailed off and his eyes flickered over to Finn. After a second, Clarke realized what he meant and shook her head, frowning.

"It's not him." She pauses, almost wanting someone to talk about this with, before reminding herself exactly why she wouldn't want to talk to Wells about this.

"It's also none of your damn business." She growled out.

Wells looks like he's about to argue, but he clearly decides against it, and goes back to looking at the wall opposite him. The silence stretches on and Clarke cranes her head up, looking out the window at the fog. She really hopes Finn won't start talking about her soulmate. She isn't so lucky.

"So, your soulmate is one of the hundred?" He asks, and Clarke narrows her eyes at him, daring him to say another word. He dares.

"Hey, at least you get to meet your soulmate, I'm sure there's plenty of kids down here who haven't yet, myself included. But I've been condemned to soulmatelessness since I was born." He tries to lighten the mood with jokes, and it only barely works.

He then pulls back his sleeve, and Clarke's eyes go wide at his soulmark.

_Emo beda ge oogeda._

He was one of the 4%. He was one of the ones who would never meet his soulmate. One of the unexplainable ones. Then Clarke was hit by a sudden thought.

"Wait," Finn looked up at her, waiting for her to continue. She took a moment to gather her thoughts before putting them into words.

"This language, we never figured it out, right? We never understood how or why it was some people's soulmarks, right? But no matter what, someone with a soulmark in this language never met their soulmate, right?" Clarke knows she's rambling, but Finn is listening intently, nodding along with her.

"But now we know that there are other people. So what if..." She trails off and Finn's eyes light up in realization.

"You think the grounders have their own language. You figure if they're people, they'll have soulmarks too. You think that my soulmate is a grounder." Clarke nods at Finn's words, grateful he understood what she was trying to say, and grateful he didn't think she was absolutely insane - or just really drunk - for saying it.

Then Clarke sees a flicker of hope in Finn's eyes, and he lets out a small laugh, looking down at the ground.

"Thank you, Clarke." He says, and she smiles in response. This is good. If the grounders can have soulmarks, then that means that they can't all be ruthless monsters.

This is good.

Clarke wakes up to Finn nudging her shoulder, and she frowns, feeling a headache growing behind her eyes. How much did she really drink yesterday.

At the thought of yesterday, she jolts awake, remembering what had happened, the fog, the car, Wells, her soulmark... She can't think about that right now, right now she needs to get to Jasper, that's all that matters.

"How long has it been clear?" Clarke asks, trying not to sound to frantic as she climbs out of the car to be met by Finn and Wells.

"I don't know, I woke up, and it was clear." Finn answers honestly, and Clarke lets out an exasperated sigh.

"It could've been hours, Finn! Jasper could be dying!" The boys flinch at her outburst.

"We need to go. Now." She turns on her heel and starts trekking back to camp. Nothing's going to stop her from getting to Jasper this time.

They're still a couple hours from camp when she hears Finn and Wells talking quietly, before Wells storms away and past Clarke, taking the lead.

Finn quickly catches up to her, putting his hand on her arm to stop her from walking for a second.

"What is it? Finn, we don't have time for this." She shrugs him off and keeps walking, and he walks beside her.

"You were kinda rough on Wells." He says after a moment.

"Hardly." Clarke scoffs, feeling her walls go up.

"He's a pretty straight up guy." Finn continues, and Clarke bites back her annoyance. "And he loves you, you know that right?"

Clarke's steps falter, but only for a second.

"But every time your dad comes up, he won't give you a straight answer." Clarke really did not want to be doing this right now. Her focus needed to be on Jasper, not on something that happened a year ago. Something she couldn't change. She couldn't save her dad. But she can save Jasper.

"Makes me think he's hiding something." Clarke has no idea what Finn is going on about now.

"So, I gotta ask you." Finn stops walking and Clarke stops with him, looking over at him. "How sure are you that Wells is the one who turned in your dad?" Clarke frowns at the question.

"One hundred percent." She replies, sure he'd never directly said it was him, but there was no one else it could have been. "He's the only one I told."

Finn is quiet for a minute, and Clarke thinks she's convinced him when he speaks again.

"Is he the only one who knew?"

Clarke barely has time to process his words when she hears a scream echo through the trees, and Clarke immediately recognizes it as Charlotte. She shoves the seaweed into Finn's hands before ordering them to take it back to Jasper. She doesn't give them a second to respond before she takes off running toward the girls cries.

When she reaches a clearing, she sees two things. One of them is a body on the ground, and Clarke is still pretty far away but she can tell it's bad.

The other is Bellamy Blake.

**...**

**here's another chapter! it's more of a filler again though. i'm hoping to get another chapter finished within the next couple hours, but it might not be up until tomorrow. let me know what you thought of this one. and yeah, i made finn's soulmate a grounder and not raven, but i might just have plans for raven yet so you'll have to wait and see. and if you can figure out what his soulmark means then ;). anyway i can't believe i'm 13 chapters in and only on episode three. this might be a really long book.**

**dont be a silent reader**


	14. Chapter 14

Bellamy finds Charlotte in a matter of seconds, running over to the girl. He's about to ask her what's wrong when he follows her eyes into a small clearing, and his blood runs cold.

There, laying in the dirt, is Atom. Bellamy swallows when he sees the burnt and bubbling skin all over the boy. He hears his groans of pain and watches as his chest rises and falls unevenly. He walks a bit closer and suddenly feels sick. This is his fault.

Then Jones and the others are running up behind him, stopping in shock when they see their friend. They start murmuring to each other and looking to Bellamy like he should know what to do. He doesn't.

He doesn't even notice that Charlotte has approached him and is sliding the knife he gave her into his hand until he feels the cool metal against his skin. He tears his eyes away from Atom and they meet the smaller girls.

"Don't be afraid," She says quietly, and Bellamy clenches his jaw when he realizes what she's insinuating he should do. The worst part is he knows she's right. So he nods his head once, and turns to the rest of the hunting party.

"All of you, head back to camp." He says, trying to sound stern. They nod and listen immediately, which Bellamy is thankful for. He doesn't think he'd be able to put up much of a fight if someone had tried to argue.

As the kids start walking away, he realizes Charlotte is still lingering beside him, her eyes fixed on Atom. There's no way Bellamy's letting a kid watch this.

"Charlotte," He says, and the girl looks at him. "You too." She looks like she's about to protest but clearly chooses against it, nodding and turning around, following the others.

Now that Bellamy is alone, he can really look at Atom. He kneels down next to the boy, trying to steady his breath. He doesn't know if he can do this.

His eyes survey Atom, and when he really takes him in, Bellamy feels even more nauseous. Every inch of his skin Bellamy can see is covered in blood and burns and bubbling skin. His breathing sounds harsh and uneven, and his lungs probably look similar to his skin, assuming he breathed in the acid fog.

His eyes are cloudy and Bellamy assumes he's either entirely blind now or mostly, and even if by some miracle he managed to get better, what kind of life would he be living like that down here?

Then Bellamy realizes his lips were moving, and he heard faint whispers coming from Atom's throat. He couldn't hear the words though, so Bellamy moved a little closer, putting his hear by Atom's ear.

"Kill me."

The boy was practically chanting the words on repeat and Bellamy's breath hitched. He looked down at the knife in his hand and then back at the suffering boy. Bellamy didn't want to do this, he couldn't.

Then he feels something behind him, a presence. He doesn't need to turn around to know who it is, but that doesn't stop him. He meets Clarke's eyes over his shoulder and she hesitates for a moment, before jogging over and kneeling down on the other side of Atom. Bellamy wants to speak, wants to tell her what happened, but he can't seem to find words right now.

"I heard screams," Clarke says, her eyes flickering between Bellamy and Atom, as if she doesn't know where to look.

"Charlotte found him," Bellamy's voice is hoarse, and he hates himself for sounding so weak. Clarke meets his eyes again and he knows she can feel it too. She then looks down at Atom and starts analyzing him, and Bellamy is hopeful for a second, maybe they could save him. Maybe he wouldn't have to kill him.

But his hope is shattered when Clarke's eyes find him again, and she shakes her head slightly. He feels himself slump down in defeat and Clarke watches him for another second before speaking in a soothing tone to Atom.

"Okay," She whispers, forcing on a smile. "I'm going to help you."

She starts petting his hair gently, and he finally stops speaking and groaning in pain, relaxing under her touch. Bellamy stares as Clarke begins to hum quietly to the boy, and the next thing he knows, she's reaching across him to take the knife out of Bellamy's hand.

He doesn't even try to stop her, he just stares, completely entranced. She continues humming as she lines the knife up with his throat, before sliding it in and out. Bellamy watches the blood spill out of the wound and Atom takes a few more gurgling breaths before going still. Clarke continues humming and he sees tears in her eyes at what she'd just done.

All Bellamy can do is stare.

He knew Clarke had depth to her, a part of him had known she was more than just the privileged princess the Ark had made her out to be since they met, but he'd only firsthand seen a bit of that when he talked with Clarke in the forest the night before. But now, he was seeing her in a completely new light.

She had just done something that no person should ever have to do. Something that Bellamy couldn't do himself. She had just taken that burden off him, and put it on herself, all the while comforting both Atom and him. Bellamy didn't even know what to think, let alone say.

Clarke then looked up at him and met his eyes, and his heart raced when he saw her for what felt like the first time.

She looked exhausted, her hair was a mess, she had tears pricking at the corner of her eyes and her eyebrows were furrowed and her lips were turned down in response to what she had just done. Her hands were shaking slightly and her eyes were so blue and full of emotion that he was left speechless once again.

Bellamy has never known a girl that was so beautiful and intense at once.

"Bellamy," Her voice startles him from his thoughts.

"I-" She looks like she wants to say something for a moment, before glancing back down at Atom, her eyes hardening when she looks back to his.

"I'm sorry," He frowns at her words, what on Earth is she sorry for? "For Atom. I know he was your friend."

Bellamy doesn't say anything, just looks back down at the boy. He wouldn't exactly call Atom his friend, but that didn't mean he would have wanted something like this to happen to him. He grits his teeth.

Suddenly Clarke stands up, tucking the knife into her pocket and turning to walk away, muttering something about Jasper. Bellamy acts faster than he thinks.

He stands up and wraps his hand around Clarke's wrist before she can leave, and he half expects her to rip her arm out of his grasp and keep walking, but, to his surprise, she just turns around and faces him, her expression tired and sad.

He hates seeing her like this. He hates it. And for some reason, he knows that he'd do anything to stop her from feeling this way.

"Clarke," He says quietly, trying to gather his thoughts and figure out what to say, but her intense gaze isn't helping with that.

"I'm sorry too." Clarke freezes at his words, before her eyes soften and she gently pulls her arm from his hand. For a moment, he thinks she's going to leave, but then he feels her own small hand wrap around his, and he breathes out a sigh of relief and tries to ignore his heart jumping in his chest.

They stay like that in silence for a few moments. Bellamy feels himself physically relax and it's not until then that he realizes how tensed up he'd been.

"You don't have to tell me what happened on the Ark," Clarke says, and guilt spikes through him when he remembered what he did to get down here.

"But if you ever want to," Her eyes are soft and forgiving, and Bellamy melts into them.

"I'm here."

He's doesn't respond for a long time, but then he nods his head once, and Clarke squeezes his hand. He tries to ignore the way his heart leaps in his throat.

Then she lets go and turns around, Bellamy thinks she's just going to leave without another word, but after a couple steps she realizes he isn't following her and she looks back at him. Bellamy sees this as an invitation and he quickly pulls a blanket out of his bag, turning to Atom and covering him with it, before hauling the boy up and carrying him back to camp.

Clarke is at his side the whole walk, and they don't say anything. They just walk in comfortable silence until they reach camp.

"They're back!" Bellamy hears Miller's shout as he approaches, and he hasn't even noticed that it had gotten dark until now. He watches as a large metal door is tugged open - that's new - and him and Clarke trudge into the compound.

People are around them in a second, asking Bellamy about the fog and about the wall and _wait what's that he's carrying?_

Clarke is quick to hurry away and toward the dropship, no doubt on her way to treat Jasper. Bellamy watches her go before turning to Jones.

"Get Clarke whatever she needs," He says, and he nods before walking away.

"Bel, what is that?" Octavia's at his side suddenly, eyeing Atom warily. One look at Bellamy's face and Octavia understands, her eyes widening.

"Who?" Her voice is quiet, but someone else heard, because the next thing Bellamy knew he has a bunch of kids shouting in panic. Some are yelling about the grounders, and some are just yelling in general, so Bellamy decides to put them to rest.

He places Atom's body on the ground and kids swarm him immediately, pulling the blanket away from his face.

"Atom! It's Atom!" Someone yells, and it is followed by a broken shout of 'no!' before a girl pushes her way through the crowd and collapses next to the body. Bellamy is pretty sure her name is Roma.

"It was the acid fog," Bellamy announces, and the delinquents quiet down a bit. "We can't be unprepared like that again. Next time anyone leaves this camp, they take a tarp for shelter if it comes back, got it?" The kids start to nod and finally disperse, and Bellamy relaxes a bit. Then Murphy approaches.

"Jasper?" Is all Bellamy asks, and Murphy grimaces, and look of annoyance on his face.

"Still kicking." Bellamy feels relief wash through him, at least something's going right.

"I tried to take him out last night but your psycho little sister-" Suddenly Bellamy snaps, grabbing the front of Murphy's shirt and shoving him back a few steps, approaching him quickly.

"My what!? My what!?" He yells, and he surprises even himself at his outburst, but he had been so high strung the last couple days. Apparently this was his outlet.

"Your little sister." Murphy's voice is cold and he looks even angrier than before, but he's smart not to act on it.

"Yeah, my little sister." Bellamy knows he's been a little over protective of her since they came down, but they're in a camp full of criminals and he'd be damned if he let anyone lay a hand on her.

"Got anything else you want to say about her?" His voice is challenging, and Murphy swallows, gritting his teeth.

"Nothing." He says, and Bellamy glares at him for another moment before turning around and walking back to his tent, practically shoving past everyone in his way.

When he gets in his tent he kicks off his boots and puts his head in his hands, letting out a frustrated sigh. He doesn't really know why he had just snapped at Murphy, but at the same time it only makes sense.

Since they got down here, everything's been on him. Of course he'd look out for Octavia, but somehow he had found himself in the centre of everything, all these kids looking up to him, and expecting so much from him. He doesn't hate it, but it's a lot of pressure. Not to mention the fact that they found out they're surrounded by people who clearly want nothing other than their blood, and could march on them at any time.

And then there's Clarke. Everything that had happened with her since they met had been stress inducing. Almost. There were the times where it was actually calming to be with her, despite hardly knowing her. Like in the glow in the dark forest and today in the woods.

His heart clenched uncomfortably when he thought about their interaction today. Being there with her, having her hand against his, nothing had ever felt better. Not seeing Earth for the first time, not his first moonrise or sunrise for that matter, nothing. It was like everything fell into place. Like everything made sense.

And it scared the shit out of him.

**...**

**i'm going to be going away for tomorrow and the day after so there probably won't be any updates for the next couple days. and i go back to school on september 3rd so i'm going to be updating less frequently considering it takes around 3 hours for me to write a chapter of this length. anyway i hope you enjoying and let me know what you thought (in case it wasn't obvious octavia and atom don't get together in this so she never really knows him)**

**dont be a silent reader**


	15. Chapter 15

Once Clarke had gotten into the dropship, she had to forget what had just happened. She had to push what she'd just done to the darkest corner of her mind with the rest of her faults. She had to focus on Jasper.

She had made the tea, she had coaxed it into his mouth and down his throat and then she had sat back and prayed to anyone that could be listening that he'd be okay. It was only a few minutes after that he had sputtered a couple of times before regaining consciousness for the first time in what felt like a really long time.

"Jasper," She gasped out, relief washing over her, when she said his name, Monty and Octavia came rushing over, Finn close behind them. They had all surrounded him, smiling widely at him. Monty had clasped his hand in Jasper's and Octavia patted his leg.

"Thank you," Clarke said, feeling some of the tension relieve itself from her shoulders. "For not dying. I don't think I could've handled that today." She tries not to think about Atom. It doesn't really work.

"Well I'll try not to die again tomorrow too, if that's cool." Jasper replies cheekily, his voice slurring and fatigued. Clarke let's out an almost-laugh and pets his hair gently.

"Get some rest," She murmurs, before standing up and making her way outside the dropship, Finn's words from earlier sticking with her. She needed to find Wells. She needed to know the truth.

She wanders around for a few minutes before she spots him, he's just outside the camp walls, digging. She sees something covered in a tarp next to the hole he's digging, and she realizes what it is. A grave. For a seventeen year old kid. That she'd killed.

When she reaches Wells' side, he halts and looks at her, resting against the shovel.

"Hey," He says unsurely, and Clarke forces a smile in response, not meeting his eyes.

"I know I don't deserve it," Clarke says eventually, her voice cracking as she looks up at her best friend.

"But I need to know the truth." She wishes she didn't.

"It was my mom." It's not a question, Clarke knows. In fact, a part of her has probably always known, but it had been so much _easier_ to blame Wells. To blame herself.

Wells doesn't speak, but his face says it all. He looks down and opens his mouth like he wants to say something, like he wants to lie to her again, but no words come out. It's all the confirmation she needs.

"She's the one who told your dad." Her eyes are blurry with tears now, and Wells still doesn't respond. She lets out an exasperated breath as the reality of the situation really hits her.

"I didn't want to believe it, I- I couldn't. I blamed you because my father's dead, and it's my mothers fault." Saying the words out loud hit Clarke in a different way. She tried to fight back the tears but it was growing more and more impossible with each passing second.

"Isn't it?" Still, she needed him to say it. She needed him to tell her.

"Wells, please." He's silent for a long time, and when he speaks, she can hear the pain in his voice.

"I knew how you would feel," He starts, and it's all Clarke has to hear. Her eyes close as tears slip down her cheeks.

"I wanted-"

"To protect me." The words are like a punch in the face. He was just trying to help her, he was _always_ trying to help her. And everything she'd done, everything she'd _said_.

"So you let me hate you?" He pauses at her words, tears forming in his eyes as well.

"What are friends for?" Wells' voice is just above a whisper, and Clarke feels herself breaking.

"How can you forgive me?" She asks after a moment, still so angry with herself over the way she treated him. How could she have said those things?

Wells smiles slightly at that, his face softening as he lets out a tiny sigh of what Clarke could only describe as relief.

"It's already done." He says, and she's breaking down again, and the next thing she knows she's being wrapped up in his arms and it's all so heartbreakingly familiar that the only thing she can do is cry into his chest.

...

The next day passes in flashes.

The first flash is waking up and finding out her best friend, the one she just got back, the one she had hugged for what felt like an eternity last night, was now dead. Murdered. By one of their own.

She didn't really have the time to actually process it, the first thing she felt was anger. Then, nothing. It was like her emotions had shut down. She could grieve later, but right now, she knew what had to be done. Whoever had done it, they had to be punished.

Clarke examined the knife that was found by Wells' body. The one that one of them, one of the hundred, had used to kill him. Then she saw it.

She made a move to walk out of the tent, her face setting in determination as she felt anger fuel every part of her. Then Bellamy was there, pushing against her with two large hands on her shoulders. As comforting as the touch was, she didn't have time for this right now. She needed to go and deal with this situation. One step at a time.

"Get out of my way, Bellamy." She growled out, trying to push past him again. He just held her in place and gave her a concerned look.

"What are you going to do, go out there and ask the killer to step forward?" His tone is sarcastic. Almost taunting.

"You don't even know whose knife that is."

"Really?" Clarke bites back, holding up the knife to show Bellamy the intials carved into its handle.

"J. M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know." With that, she pushes past him and out of the tent, storming up to Murphy and shoving his chest roughly. Then she begins yelling.

...

The next flash is a few short minutes later, when the whole camp has decided that their best course of action is to 'float' Murphy. Clarke doesn't like him, Clarke could even say she _loathed_ him, after what he'd done. But this is the ground. They don't decide who lives and dies down here.

She remembers screaming at Bellamy, begging him not to kick the stool out from under Murphy's feet, the only thing that's stopping the boy from being choked to death by the rope slung around his neck. The only thing that's stopping him from being executed.

But Bellamy won't listen, he's distraught, Clarke can feel it. His face is covered in sweat and Clarke knows he's not a killer. She knew before Atom, but that had only proved her previous theory.

But still, he kicks out the stool and Murphy's body falls with it, the rope around his neck tightening as he thrashes in the air, his face turning bright red.

"Please, please stop! You're killing him!" Clarke wails out, tears streaming down her face and she watches the scene unfolding before her.

"This is on you, Princess! You should've kept your mouth shut!" Bellamy shouts at her, and Clarke can hardly focus on his words with the turmoil of emotions she's feeling, both Bellamy's and her own.

"Just stop!" Clarke's attention shifts from Bellamy to Charlotte, as the younger girl steps forward, and Clarke feels bile rise in her throat because _she can't let a little girl witness this._

"Murphy didn't kill Wells!" The whole camp goes silent at that, all attention on the tiny girl who can't be older than thirteen.

"I did." Then, Clarke feels sick for an entirely different reason.

...

The next flash is in the bunker with Bellamy.

They ran with Charlotte when Murphy had gone after them with a few others, apparently wanting a little girls head on a stick. Clarke, who had never wanted that fate for anyone, not even a murderer, had brought Charlotte and Bellamy to a bunker that Finn had talked about when they were in that car.

She knew they were safe here, as far as she was concerned, the only other people who knew about it were Finn and Wells. Well, just Finn now. Clarke blinked back tears.

Charlotte climbs into bed and crawls under a blanket, and Clarke sits against a wall, watching the girl intently. She wasn't going to let her do anything like that again. She couldn't.

Bellamy sat next to her, and let out a sigh as he put his head in his hands. Clarke nudged him with her shoulder gently, hoping to be of a little comfort to him.

"It's my fault." He muttered after a few moments. Clarke's heart tugs with empathy for him.

"If I hadn't told her to slay her demons-"

"Bellamy, this isn't your fault." Clarke says, trying to reassure him. He didn't want this. He didn't want Wells to die and he didn't want Charlotte to become a killer. He didn't want to hang Murphy, he didn't want any of this. And to Clarke, that was enough.

"But if I hadn't put the idea in her head, she wouldn't have-"

"Bellamy." He finally looks at her, his eyes swimming with emotion.

"You didn't want this. You were trying to help her, all you've ever done is try to help..." She gives him a playful smile. "Most of the time."

He gives a small chuckle at that, and they end up smiling at each other. Yeah, maybe this situation is fucked up. Maybe this whole planet is. But right now, in this moment, they're at peace. Clarke can feel it.

She reaches down to his hand and entwines their fingers together, and Bellamy breathes a sigh of relief at the gesture. They both turn their heads back around to face Charlotte, and after a couple of hours like this, Clarke's eyes involuntarily fall shut, and her head falls onto Bellamy's shoulders. And she feels safe.

...

The next flash is on the edge of a cliff, Bellamy, standing protectively in front of Charlotte, and Clarke, held in Murphy's grasp with a knife pressed to her throat. Bellamy's eyes are wide with fear and he has one arm in front of Charlotte to stop her from giving herself to Murphy while he leans forward, as if trying to decide if he should attack Murphy or use his words to get Clarke out of this.

"Give me the girl, and I let her go." Murphy threatens, and Clarke feels panic well up inside her when she realizes that Bellamy wants to do it. And despite the fact that she knows he won't, she can't help herself but to tell him not to give in.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte's voice cracks and tears slip out of her eyes as Bellamy turns to look at her in confusion.

"But I can't let anyone else get hurt because of me." Then, before anyone can even think to move, she's turning around and throwing herself off the cliff.

"No!" Clarke lets out a strangled cry and Murphy releases her out of shock, and she's at the cliffs edge not a second later.

But she's too late, and all she can do is cry as the leans over the edge and watches the girl fall into the fog, Bellamy kneeling next to her. They stay like that for a few moments, before she feels Bellamy's anger flare up in her, overpowering anything else.

He's on Murphy in a heart beat, punching him repeatedly. He only stops when Clarke begins screaming at him, telling him he's killing the boy and begging him to stop.

"He deserves to die!" Bellamy shouts, and Clarke feels more tears fall when she sees his face, feels his pain.

"No! We don't deserve who lives and dies. Not down here." Clarke tries to keep her voice steady, but it keeps cracking and wavering up and down.

"We can't just live by 'whatever the hell we want'! We need rules." Clarke says, and she can tell that Bellamy knows she's right, but he's just so angry.

"And who makes those rules, huh? You?"

"For now, _we_ make the rules." Bellamy falters when she says that, and he rubs his hand over his face, wiping at the tears in his eyes.

"So what? We go back to camp? Pretend this never happened?" He finally says, and Clarke shakes her head, trying to blink back fresh tears.

"No!" She pauses, trying to decide what to do with Murphy as she looks him over, he's bleeding, Bellamy beat him up pretty bad, and there's fear in his eyes. He looks like an animal. And in her eyes, he _is_ an animal.

"We banish him." She decides, and Bellamy silently agrees. Because of course he would.

...

The next flash is back at camp, after everything is over. Clarke's sitting by a campfire, eating some of that days rations. Some dried out meat and some kind of berry. Then Bellamy sits down next to her.

For a long while, he doesn't say anything. Nothing needs to be said. Then, he turns his head to face her and looks at her. She looks back.

"Thank you." He says, and Clarke knows that he's thanking her for not letting him kill Murphy, for deciding to be his co leader and help him in this impossible journey he's set out for himself, for picking Murphy's fate, and letting it be just that. Clarke doesn't need to respond, but still, she offers him a sad smile.

"You're welcome."

He stares at her for a few more seconds before looking back at the fire, and she repeats the gesture. They sit in silence for a long while, but it's a comfortable silence. Clarke is thankful for that. Clarke is thankful for him.

**. . .**

**sorry this took so long to update! i went back to school on the 3rd and i've been so busy and stressed since then so i haven't been writing. i'm going to try to update this story once a week or once every two weeks. and i might've been writing some drafts for the last chapter of this story (if i ever make it as far as i want to) because i have a great idea on how to end it. anyway, please review, it keeps me inspired to write.**

**dont be a silent reader**


	16. Chapter 16

Bellamy stared up at the night sky, hoping the infinite abyss of stars above him could somehow make him forget the events of that day. So far, it wasn't working.

Clarke had headed to bed about an hour ago but Bellamy hasn't even bothered to try to sleep. He knows he wouldn't be able to. He could hardly close his eyes now without seeing Charlotte, and the cliff, and Murphy...

Bellamy attempted to push those thoughts out of his mind, but they just ended up circling around in his head, his guilt weighing on him heavier and heavier each time he thought about it. Clarke had told him it wasn't his fault, and he had appreciated that, but that didn't mean he believed it.

His thoughts trail off when he sees something shooting through the sky, it looked like a star had become dislodged and was falling down, a blazing trail of light shooting out the back of it.

It isn't until it hits the ground somewhere not too far off when he realizes what it must have been. Something from the Ark. Someone.

_Fuck._

The next thing Bellamy knows, he's on his feet. People are suddenly all around him, questioning him on what it was, where it came from, when they were going to find it.

He thought fast, he'd always rewarded himself for his ability to do that, and told them it wasn't safe to go now, not at night. He told them they would wait until morning and then send a search party to find out what it was. Everyone eventually agreed, although he could tell some of them were unhappy with the arrangement. They didn't dare argue though. Well, most of them.

"Bellamy, we can't wait until morning. We have to go now. What if the grounders get there before we do?" Octavia's not wrong about any of that, which is exactly why Bellamy's not waiting. He can't tell his sister that though, he can't tell anyone.

He's especially glad Clarke's asleep right now. He wouldn't know how to lie to her, not after everything that had happened that day.

"It's not safe, O. We wait til morning. That's final." Octavia huffs out an annoyed sigh at her brothers decision but finally leaves his side, and he rushes to his tent to grab a pack with some supplies before slipping out of camp unnoticed, and heading in the direction he thought the ship fell in. If he wanted to stay at the camp, if he wanted to stay with Clarke, he had to make sure no one down here was contacting the Ark. And there was only one way to do that.

He's been walking for what must have been hours when he hears footsteps behind him. He tenses up immediately and reaches for his weapon slowly.

"Bel! Bellamy!" Octavia's voice cuts out through the woods, now pale with dawn, and he sighs, one part in relief that it wasn't a grounder, and one part in annoyance about his little sister following him.

"What are you doing?" She asks, her voice confused, and Bellamy turns around.

"Go back to camp, it isn't safe." Is his only response, and he can tell he's only going to piss her off.

She catches up and stops in front of him, and he's anxious. He doesn't have time for this right now. When she starts speaking, her voice is high with anger.

"You lied to everyone. You lied to me." She looks him up and down with an expression he can only define as disgust, and it hurts him more than he'd like to admit.

"You just want whatever's in that pod for yourself-"

"Just go home!" Bellamy shouts, not wanting to hear his sister rant about how selfish he is.

"You always want to play the big brother, huh?" Octavia doesn't relent, and Bellamy shakes his head at her words, trying not to let her see how much they affect him.

"Well, guess what? Jokes on me you're just a selfish dick." He feels something keen to amusement at that, but it's much darker. He lets out a hollow laugh.

"I did this for you. To protect you." He swallows.

"Look, if the Ark finds out we're alive, they'll come down. And when they do, I'm dead." He doesn't want to elaborate, Octavia already looks at him like a monster. The last thing he wants to do is give her another reason to.

"What did you do?" She says, her voice incredulous. And Bellamy can't lie anymore, he's so sick of pretending. So he tells her.

"I shot him." His voice is just above a whisper.

"I shot Jaha."

"What?" Octavia's voice is unbelieving, and he hates the way she looks at him, but he deserves it. He knows he does.

"I found out they were sending you to Earth. I couldn't let you go alone. Someone came to me with a deal. Do this, kill him, and they get me on the dropship. And I did it." The words are just tumbling out now, and he can't stop them. His voice is shaking and rising and falling with emotion but he can't stop himself from telling her.

"You killed the Chancellor." It's not a question. Now, she knows the truth, and now, she can choose what to do with it. What to do with him.

"He floated our mother, he locked you up. He deserved it." Bellamy's more trying to convince himself than he is Octavia. It's not working. And the look his sister is giving him is breaking his heart.

"I didn't ask you to do that." She says, backing away from him slowly, her eyes filling with tears.

"You're right. I made the choice. This is on me." Bellamy tries not to let his emotions show. He knows what he did was wrong, and he knows that he shouldn't expect Octavia to just forgive and forget, that had never really been their way. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

"Whatever they sent down, I'll take care of it," Bellamy begins to turn around and continue on in the direction of the crash.

"I didn't ask for any of this." Then she's gone. He watches her disappear into the woods, back towards camp. After a moment, he goes too, toward the crash. He has to get there before anyone else, it has to be his main priority.

After a long time of walking, the sun is well up now, he makes it. He sees a small pod crashed into a clearing. It's probably just a supply pod, but it's bound to have a radio too.

He approaches it and pops his head inside, and sees it. The person in the space suit is unconscious, maybe she's dead. But Bellamy doesn't want to take any chances. So, as quietly as he can, he finds the radio and cuts the wires connecting it to the ship. It's cracking and making noises that almost sound like speaking before he cuts it free, and it goes silent. Then, he backs out of the ship silently, keeping his eyes on the person. Once he's out of the pod, he turns around and runs.

When Bellamy reaches the river, he only pauses for a moment, glancing at the radio and really thinking about what he's about to do, before chucking the thing into the water. He watches it sink and a couple bubbles float to the surface before everything is still. There. It's done.

As he walks away, he tries to convince himself that he'd done something good. For himself, for Octavia, for Clarke. But at the same time, there's this nagging feeling that he's done something very, very wrong. He pushes that aside though, and takes a deep breath before walking into the woods.

It's only been about twenty minutes when he hears footsteps behind him again. For a second, he thinks it could be Octavia again, before he hears her voice.

"Hey!" He pauses, and tries to maintain calm as Clarke catches up with him, putting a hand on his arm to try to stop him from walking away.

"Where is it?" She asks, not wasting any time.

"Hey Princess, taking a walk in the woods?" He tries to sound casual, but he's so tired and stressed out that he has no idea if it works.

"They're getting ready to kill three hundred people up there. To save oxygen. And I can guarantee you it won't be council members. It'll be working people, you're people!" Bellamy's throat goes dry and he can barely process her words when Finn's there, shoving his chest and shouting at him.

"Bellamy! Where's the radio?" Bellamy shoves him back, anger flaring up inside him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bellamy Blake?" A girl asks, and it takes Bellamy a couple seconds to recognize her as the girl from the pod.

"They're looking everywhere for you-

"Shut up." Bellamy's voice is stern and he barely spares her a second glance before looking back at Clarke, worry spiking through him at the girls words. He'd already seen Octavia's reaction to finding out what he did, he didn't want to see Clarke's too. He couldn't handle her looking at him the way his sister had, like a monster.

"Looking for him why?" Clarke asks, and Bellamy steels himself. He can't do this right now.

"He shot Chancellor Jaha." The girls voice is matter-of-fact, almost snarky. Bellamy clenches his jaw as all eyes turn on him.

"That's why you took the wristbands." Clarke says, her voice laced with anger. Bellamy glances at her, feeling much more vulnerable than he wants to.

"Needed everyone to think that we're dead." His throat goes dry at her tone.

"All that, 'whatever the hell we want'? You just cared about saving your own skin." Bellamy doesn't even have it in him to be angry at Finn's words. He's not wrong.

Instead of offering any sort of response, Bellamy turns away from the group and begins walking away, wiping at his face and trying not to let their words affect him.

"Hey, shooter! Where's my radio?" The girl from the pod yells, and Bellamy already doesn't like her, for more reasons than one. She tries to step in front of him and he doesn't look at her, attempting to shove past her.

"Get out of my way." His voice is gruff, and he doesn't want to deal with any of this right now.

"Where is it?" Her voice is growing more and more irritating with each passing second, and Bellamy lets his anger do the talking.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance." He says, and tries to ignore the weight of Clarke's eyes on his back.

"Really? Well I'm right here." The girl raises an eyebrow, cocking her head slightly, and Bellamy can't help but take her up on that offer.

He slams her against a tree and before he can even recognize Finn shouting at him, the girl has a knife on him, pressing it against his throat. His eyes flick down to the weapon cautiously.

"Where's my radio."

"Okay, stop it." Bellamy can hear the worry in Clarke's tone, and he briefly wonders if it's for him or the raven-haired girl. Actually, it's probably for the three hundred people he's just condemned. He tries not to think about that. Either way, he let's the girl go and backs away, trying to leave again.

"Jaha deserved to die. We all know that." Bellamy says over his shoulder. He knows it won't change the way any of them think of him though. The way Clarke thinks of him.

"Yeah, he's not my favorite person either. But he isn't dead." The girls words stop him in his tracks, and he turns around, eyes wide.

"What?"

"You're a lousy shot." Bellamy hardly has time to really contemplate the words when Clarke's there, putting a hand on his arm as she gazes up at him, speaking quietly.

"Bellamy, don't you see what this means? You're not a murderer." The words hit differently when it's Clarke who's saying them.

"You always did what you had to do to protect your sister. That's who you are." Bellamy has no idea what to say or do in response, he's just grateful he has her. He has no idea how she knows him so deeply already, but she does. And that means the world to him.

"And you can do it again. By protecting three hundred of your people. Where's the radio?" Her voice is pleading, and Bellamy wishes he had a simple answer for her. Wishes he could just give it to her and it would work and he didn't have to have three hundred deaths on his head. But of course, nothing is ever that simple.

"It's too late." His voice cracks.

...

"Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?" Clarke's voice is quiet, unsure. Their necks are craning up toward the dark sky, watching as the flares Raven had set up fly across the sky, leaving red trails of light behind them. Bellamy glances over at Clarke, and her expression pains him. He wants to tell her this isn't her fault, he wants to tell her that the flares would work, he wants to tell her that everything is going to be okay. But he can't. Because it's not. So he settles for a simple response.

"I wouldn't even know what to wish for." He replies, looking back up at the sky. He knows vaguely what Clarke is talking about, he remembers learning about shooting stars in History on Earth when he was younger. It never made much sense to him, but right now, he could use a miracle.

His eyes flicker back to Clarke, and suddenly, he isn't so sure about his response. Because, when he looks at her, he can think of a few things he would want to wish for.

"What about you?" He asks, his eyes following the path of one of the flares. He watches it soar across the sky before beginning its decline back toward the ground. He briefly wonders if this could actually work. If this could actually save three hundred people. He tried not to hope, though. He didn't want to be disappointed.

Clarke's lack of response is enough of an answer for him. He doesn't pry. He doesn't need her to tell him for him to know. And he doesn't need her to tell him for him to know it's his fault. God, he's such an idiot. Maybe Octavia was right. Maybe he is just a selfish dick.

He could feel Clarke's worry radiating off of her in waves, he tried to ignore it, but he found that almost impossible. This was his fault, everything was his fault.

After a few more moments of silence, Bellamy glanced over at her again. She turned and met his gaze after a second. They stared at each other in silence, before Clarke swallowed and nodded, she understood. She understood what Bellamy was feeling and that he was sorry. He didn't even need to say it.

He nodded back and she leaned just a bit closer to him, just enough so that their shoulders were brushing. Then she looked up again and Bellamy followed her gaze, comforted by the contact.

In this moment, as the flares shot up and fell back down again, as the Ark could be killing three hundred innocent people because of one selfish kid, as the remaining ninety seven (ninety nine, counting Bellamy and Raven) kids stared up at the sky in complete silence, in this moment, everything was wrong.

But, when Bellamy felt Clarke's weight leaning lightly against him, he thought that maybe, just maybe, not everything was.

**. . .**

**here's another update already because i was feeling inspired. i'm hoping to update again before next weekend but with school that's probably unlikely so my next update most likely won't come until next friday or saturday. anyway tysm for your patience and reviews and everything :)**

**dont be a silent reader**


	17. Chapter 17

_"It's a funeral."_

The scene replays itself in Clarke's head as she sits in Octavia's tent, her head in her hands. Three hundred people. The Ark had just killed three hundred people. And they couldn't stop it. Clarke really tried not to think about how they could've. About whose fault it was that they couldn't.

Then the flap to Octavia's tent is pushed open and Bellamy sticks his head inside. Speak of the devil. He looks around the tent quickly before looking back at Clarke.

"Have you seen Octavia?" His voice is frantic and Clarke can tell he's tense. She shakes her head before he ducks out of the tent and she follows him.

"No one's seen her in twenty four hours," Bellamy explains quickly, and Clarke tries to think rationally before letting herself get into a panic. Bellamy clearly skipped that step and was walking around the camp, throwing open tents and peering inside before moving on to the next one.

"I mean, it's Octavia." Clarke tries to reason, "She's probably chasing butterflies or something."

"Clarke," Bellamy halts at her words and turns toward her, worry overtaking his features. Clarke doesn't need to feel his anxiety welling up inside her to know he's scared.

"She's been missing for a day. I asked around and no one has any idea where she could be. Something's wrong. I have to find her." The determination in his tone is strong, and Clarke tries to imagine being in his position. His whole life has been based around keeping his little sister safe from harm and now she's been missing for a day, yeah, Clarke can see why he's worried.

"Okay. I'll help you look for her." She says. Bellamy nods gratefully at her.

"Thank you."

. . .

And that's how she finds herself here, a couple hours later, standing outside what seems to be some kind of border with Bellamy on one side of her and Jasper on the other. Finn and Raven had gone to the bunker she'd stayed in with Charlotte to look for a transmitter to repair the radio, and Clarke had gone with Bellamy, Jasper, and a small group from camp to find Octavia.

Now they stood there, staring in horror at the sight before them. There's skulls on sticks, and other various human and animal bones strewn across the ground. There's torches, which means that someone must have set them recently. There are a couple signs, which she assumes must be warning them not to continue, but they're in another language. Clarke sees what appears to be a splatter of blood across one of them. She represses a shiver. Bellamy hesitates, just for a moment, before continuing walking.

"My sister, my responsibility." He mutters as he passes the skulls and signs, and Clarke is quick to follow. She's not sure how many others will repeat their action, but she won't be upset if they don't. If Bellamy wasn't going in, and if it wasn't for Octavia, Clarke doubts she would either.

Then she hears Jasper say something, and he falls into step beside her. Clarke hears feet shuffling from the rest of the group but only a couple others follow them.

Jasper doesn't say anything, and neither does Clarke. Bellamy is just a few steps ahead of them, his shoulders hunched, and Clarke doesn't need to be his soulmate to feel the worry radiating off of him in waves. So, she gives Jasper a tiny smile and speeds up slightly, walking up beside Bellamy. She doesn't know if Jasper will understand why she needs to be with him, but she hopes he can at least accept it.

"Hey," She murmurs unsurely after a couple more moments of silence. "Octavia's gonna be okay. We're gonna find her Bellamy." She doesn't know how comforting she's being, but she's never been the greatest at this stuff.

"What if we don't?" Bellamy's voice is gruff and worried, and he barely spares Clarke a glance. "What if she's not okay?" His voice wavers slightly.

Clarke doesn't know what to say to this, so she opts to just fall silent, and he seems to appreciate it. They're quiet for a long time, until the sun has started to rise and Clarke realizes how long it's been since she's really slept, Bellamy too. She feels a pang of worry for him before she remembers that their main priority is Octavia, and there's no way Bellamy's going to rest while his sister is out there God knows where.

...

"Hey," A girl, Clarke's pretty sure her name is Roma, says, just a few minutes after one of them says something about losing the trail. "Where's John?" The kids all fall into a stretching silence, looking around for the missing boy.

"I just saw him a second ago," Jasper breathes out, his tone laced with fear.

"Spread out," Bellamy orders, "He couldn't have gotten that far."

Not a second after the words leave his mouth, something falls from the tress in front of them, and it takes Clarke a second to process that it's a body. It's John's body. His throat has been cut from ear to ear and he's stares up at the sky lifelessly.

Clarke and Bellamy rush over to him, and Clarke looks up from where he fell, panic falling over her.

"They use the trees." She says, her voice just above a whisper. Bellamy looks up too.

"We shouldn't have crossed the boundary," One of the boys in their group says, a couple more agreeing.

"Now can we go back?" Roma's voice is shaking, but Bellamy and Clarke aren't paying attention to the kids right now, their eyes are fixed on something about fifty feet from them, waiting for their next move.

"There," Clarke points out, and the rest of their group follows her eyes.

"Another one," A boy says and Clarke turns in time to see another grounder running parallel to them, before stopping about fifty feet away from the other side.

After a few more are spotted, Clarke realizes what they're doing. She feels fear shoot through her and she knows Bellamy is feeling something similar.

"They're surrounding us."

...

Not for the first time since they got to the ground, Clarke believes she's going to die.

The group has been separated, her and Bellamy weren't enough to convince them to stay close, and now she was standing close next to him as grounders approached. And in her mind, in this moment, this was it. This was how she was going to die.

But then a loud horn sounds, and the grounders halt their advances, glancing at each other. When the horn is sounded again, they grunt something to each other before turning and running away, back into the woods. Then they're gone, and the only noise is that horn, and it sounds oddly familiar.

"What the hell is that?" Bellamy asks, clearly confused about the noise. And after just another second Clarke realizes where she'd heard it before.

"I heard that at the river, right before the acid fog," She starts, before turning to Bellamy frantically.

"It's a warning." He seems to understand, quickly unpacking a tent he had brought just for this occasion, Clarke begins yelling into the woods, trying to warn her people about the fog. Only Jasper hears, but he runs over and joins Bellamy and Clarke under the tarp.

They stay under for a few minutes, unsure what's going on, and hoping for the best for the rest of their people. Clarke is pressed between Jasper and Bellamy and her soulmates warmth is comforting to some extent. It's when she notices an opening near the bottom of the tent that confusion washes over her.

When she sees that no toxic yellow fog is seeping in, she pushes up on the tarp, despite Jasper and Bellamy's protests, and sticks her head out, no fog in sight.

"It's safe. There's no fog." Clarke says, and Bellamy and Jasper look out after her.

"Are you sure, Clarke? It could just not be here yet." Jasper sounds anxious, but Bellamy trusts her, and he stars packing the tarp away quickly, not wanting to waste any more time. Clarke's grateful for that.

"Come on. We don't have any more time to waste. We need to find Roma, Monroe, and Diggs and then we need to find my sister." Bellamy says, getting to his feet. Jasper follows suit and Clarke's already up, spotting Roma behind a tree.

"Roma?" She calls out uncertainly, and the girl makes no move to answer. Clarke feels dread wash over her. Something's wrong.

Suddenly, Bellamy's right behind her placing a large hand on her lower back and nudging her forward, and when she rounds the tree she sees Roma with a spear through her chest. Her breath hitches and Jasper freezes up beside her, whether it's because of the situation or the familiarity of it, Clarke can't tell.

"Briggs got caught in one of their traps, Roma saw him and bolted, then they speared her." Monroe's voice sounds beside them and Clarke almost jumps, tearing her eyes away from the other girls body.

She meets Monroe's eyes and nods slightly, the girl looks pretty shaken up. Regardless, they have a job to do. They need to find Octavia. So, they spare one more glance at Roma, and they move on.

By the time they reach a small cave that Octavia's trail seemingly led them to, exhaustion has begun to start seeping into Clarke's bones. They reach the edge of the cave and Bellamy signals for them to be quiet, before pausing outside the opening and listening.

After a couple moments of silence, Bellamy nods once and steps inside, Clarke, Monroe, and Jasper following close behind. They walk for a bit through the cave until they hear a scuffling sound from farther in.

When they round a corner, Octavia's there. She's been chained to the cave wall and there are tear tracks on her face, her hair is a mess and she looks distraught. She's staring at something on the ground in front of her and, upon closer inspection, Clarke realizes it's a grounder that she must have knocked out somehow.

After a moment, Octavia realizes they're there and snaps her head up in alarm, but when her eyes fall on her brother she lets out a choked sob and crumples.

"Bellamy," Her voice is quiet and scared and Bellamy's at her side in an instant, holding her up by her forearms.

"Shh, hey, it's okay. We're here now. We're gonna get you out of here." He soothes, and Clarke only watches the two for a second before looking around for keys. She eventually finds them on the grounder and she quickly tosses them to Bellamy, before looking back down at the grounder.

"What happened to him?" Clarke asks, looking up at Octavia after inspecting him for a moment. The girl averts her eyes.

"I knocked him out with a rock." She says, her voice just above a whisper. Clarke sees Bellamy place a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he unlocks her chains, and when she's free he pulls her toward him.

Then, once Octavia is truly safe, Bellamy looks over at Clarke and seems to realize her close proximity to the grounder. Clarke feels his panic.

"Clarke, get away from him." He says, his voice nervous. A part of Clarke wants to inspect him further, to figure out as much as she can about these people, if you could even call them that, but at the same time she knows she's not really being safe.

So she stands up from where she was kneeling next to the unconscious form, and takes a few steps back. Bellamy's shoulders relax slightly and he hands Octavia off to Jasper.

"Get her outside, I'll be there in a minute." Jasper hesitates for a moment, and Octavia looks ready to protest when Bellamy speaks up again.

"All of you." He says to the rest of the group, and Monroe begins walking out, Jasper following close behind her and trying to pull Octavia away too.

"What? No, Bellamy, what are you going to do?" Octavia's voice is shaky and she sounds almost scared. Bellamy glances at her, then back to the grounder. He grabs a spear from off a wall of the cave and doesn't spare his sister a second glance before holding it over the grounders throat.

"Making sure he doesn't hurt anyone else." Is his only response.

"Bellamy, please, don't. He didn't hurt me! He _saved_ me! My leg was broken and he fixed it, and then when the grounders were trying to kill me he blew some horn and they all ran, and he brought me back here! Don't kill him!" Her voice is pleading and Clarke frowns at the way her friend is acting. Yeah, Clarke didn't want Bellamy to kill him, but the way Octavia was defending the man who had taken her hostage, killed her friends, and locked her up in some cave... It was odd, to say the least.

"Get her out of here," Bellamy growled, his sentence directed at Jasper, who looked beyond nervous now. His eyes flickered from Bellamy to the grounder to Octavia to the exit, and he tried pulling on Octavia's arm again, but she shook herself out of his grasp.

"Bellamy, don't do this." She says, her voice just above a whisper, and Bellamy glances back at Octavia, just for a second, but it's enough.

Then, before anyone even has the chance to react, the grounder is up from his spot on the ground and he's stabbing something at Bellamy. Bellamy lets out a choked gasp before stumbling back, and Clarke doesn't even think before she rushes to his side, and Octavia is right there too.

Clarke doesn't remember what happens next, she only remembers the blood. Her hand goes to cover Bellamy's wound and she feels panic course through her when the reality of the situation begins to sink in. Octavia is yelling in her ear but Clarke can't hear, everything's muffled.

At some point, Jasper must have knocked out the grounder again because she doesn't know how else it would've happened, but Clarke can't focus on that right now. In fact, she's having trouble focusing on anything.

After a few moments, she tears her eyes away from Bellamy's abdomen and meets his brown ones, they're wide with fear and pain, and her expression probably mirrors his.

Everything is blurry and foggy and muffled and Clarke can't concentrate on anything but the blood and his eyes and the _blood_. Although she's thought many times over the last few days that she could be facing her own death, this was something that had never really occurred to her. This time, it wasn't about her. This time, it wasn't her life on the line. This time, she wasn't the one inches away from death and that thought scared her much more than any of the thoughts of her own end had. And she couldn't get that thought out of her head. It just kept playing on repeat in her mind. Again and again and again.

Bellamy Blake was going to die.

**. . .**

**cliffhanger! sort of. so i really didn't expect to get this chapter up so soon but i'm really inspired to write right now and i haven't been for a while so i'm taking advantage of that (even if i might be neglecting schoolwork to do so). thank you all for the hundredth time for reading and supporting my story, every time i get a review or story follow or favorite it just makes me so happy and i'm super grateful for it all so thank you thank you thank you. your reviews keep me inspired to write :)**

**dont be a silent reader**


	18. Chapter 18

"-him back to camp! Clarke! We have to get him back, _now!_" Octavia's voice finally comes into focus and she manages to glance over at her friend, trying to push down her panic. She nods once and Octavia yells for Jasper to help carry him, and the next thing Clarke knows, they're lugging him out of the cave and Monroe is there, trying to help carry him.

Clarke knows it's no use, they won't be able to carry him all the way back on their own, so the lay him down on the ground and Clarke instructs them to make some sort of stretcher, while she works on stopping the bleeding.

Octavia is still hovering, and even though she has a good reason to be, Clarke needs to concentrate, and that's already hard enough without the girl standing over her shoulder.

"Octavia, help them. Now!" Clarke instructs, but her voice feels far away. Still, Octavia listens after a moment, rushing over to where Jasper and Monroe are trying to make a stretcher.

It's probably only been a few minutes, but it feels like ages, when it's ready. They pull Bellamy on to the thing, and Jasper and Monroe pick it up, only struggling for a second before they begin walking, picking up the pace when Clarke tells them to.

Clarke stays next to him to whole time, she's watching him drift in and out of consciousness for what must have been hours, but he's stable enough. When they finally reach the camp, it's dusk and Clarke has never been more grateful to see the messy walls of scrap metal.

They gates are pulled open for them and suddenly there are way to many people around them, and Clarke is way too overwhelmed. She doesn't answer any of the kids questions, she can't. She just needs to get Bellamy inside, she needs to remove the knife that's still stuck in his side and she needs to stitch him up and be done with this whole thing. She needs him to be okay.

Clarke instructs Jasper and Monroe inside the dropship, and now Octavia's the one who has to tell everyone what's going on. A part of Clarke feels bad about putting that on Bellamy's little sister, but she can't even think straight right now.

When she gets inside, Raven's at a table, working on the radio. When Clarke's eyes fall over the small machine, she thinks of her mom. Her mom would know what do right now.

Raven practically jumps up when she sees the stretcher, but when she sees it's Bellamy she seems to relax. Clarke ignores her own anger at that.

"Raven, you need to get that radio working," It's the first thing Clarke has said in hours, and Raven just nods slightly before turning back to the machine. Clarke hopes she takes this seriously.

Jasper and Monroe help get Bellamy up on a table and he groans slightly, unconscious again. Monroe exits after a couple of moments, and Jasper lingers. Then Octavia is there, murmuring what Clarke assumes must be comforting sentiments to her brother, and although it's a nice thought, Clarke needs silence.

"Jasper, go outside," Jasper nods at her words and exits slowly, and Clarke turns on Octavia.

"Hey, I know he's your brother and I know you care about him but if he's going to be okay I need silence, so could you maybe take a few steps back and try to be as quiet as possible?" Clarke tries not to sound like a bitch. It doesn't really work.

Octavia looks like she's ready to fight back, but she seems to realize that it's for the best, so she does as told and wipes at her eyes, clearly fighting back tears.

"Raven, I need that radio working." Clarke's voice is slow, and Raven seems to realize to some degree that this isn't a time for messing around, so she nods dutifully and continues working on the machine. Clarke's grateful for that.

Without another thought, Clarke removes the piece of cloth that had been wrapped around Bellamy's wound at some point - she wasn't entirely sure when - and examines the wound closely. The bleeding seems to have stopped, and she only hopes that that's a good sign. Clarke looks back to Bellamy's face and watches him wince in his sleep.

"Hang in there, you're going to be okay," Clarke whispers, in an attempt to be soothing. She's not even sure if Bellamy can hear her, but by the way his face relaxes ever so slightly, he might not have to.

"This is Raven Reyes calling Ark Station, calling Ark Station, come in. The hundred are alive. We need Dr Abby Griffin. Dr Abby Griffin. This is Raven Reyes calling Ark Station, calling Ark Station..." Clarke isn't sure when Raven had began repeating her message to the Ark, but it could only be a good sign. It must mean the radio is working to some extent.

Clarke, not knowing what else to do at this point, carefully wraps the cloth back over the knife, before laying a hand on his arm. She feels Octavia's eyes on her and it doesn't help with how helpless she feels. Knowing that she has to save Bellamy, not only for his sake or her own, but also for his sisters. Hell, for the whole camps.

Clarke's not sure how much time has passed before the radio crackles to life and a voice comes through on the other side. Clarke jumps and snaps her eyes over to Raven, who's looking back at her with a widened gaze.

"-hundred are alive?" The voice is cutting in and out, and it's overwhelmed with static, but it's there.

"Yes, the hundred are alive. The ground is survivable. I-"

"We need Dr Abigail Griffin, right now. One of us is injured, and if we can't get the proper medical attention, he could die." Clarke interrupts Raven and grabs the receiver from her, speaking sternly and clearly into the mic. The man on the other end says a few words of affirmation, and in a couple more moments, Clarke's mothers voice breaks through.

"Clarke?" She asks, her voice full of emotion. A sick feeling curled up in Clarke's stomach at her tone, but she had to ignore it. That wasn't important right now.

"Yes, it's me. One of us has been stabbed and-"

"Oh my god, I thought you were dead, Clarke, I-"

"We need medical help now!" Clarke tried to keep her calm, but her mother was already a sore spot for her right now, and Bellamy needed help. They could catch up later. If ever.

"Oh- okay, I'm sorry." Abby sounds confused, but she goes into doctor mode not a second later. "What happened?"

"He was stabbed. The knife is still in there, I'm estimating it's between the seventh and eight rib, at about a fifty degree angle. It happened over-"

"Stabbed? By one of you?" Abby's voice is worried. Clarke bites her cheek in impatience.

"No, by a grounder. Raven can explain later. We need your help now." Clarke fights down the panic in her gut. She makes her way back over to Bellamy just as people begin filing into the dropship.

"Okay, is there anything coming out of the wound, blood, puss, any liquid at all?" Abby asks.

"No," Clarke responds, checking again just to be sure nothing has changed.

Her mother continues asking for specifics about the injury, the knife, when it happened. Clarke answers curtly and quickly, hardly letting her emotions seep into her voice for more than a few seconds at a time. She needs to remain calm. It's the only way she's going to save Bellamy.

Before she knows it, the room is packed with people. She can barely hear Abby anymore, and she can't take a step without being jostled by another person. When she hears people talking about a storm, she lasts about another minute before she snaps.

"Everyone! Get upstairs now! I need silence and I need to be able to move more than one goddamn step without bumping into someone! Unless you want Bellamy to die, go. _Now_." The kids look around at each other for a moment before slowly climbing up to the next two floors. Emphasis on slowly. Clarke's impatience runs impossibly thinner.

Once everyone is gone, and after Abby asks Clarke if she's okay and Clarke snaps at her to focus on Bellamy, Clarke takes a moment to relax. Then her mother tells her she needs to pull the knife out. At a perfect angle. Or Bellamy will die. That relaxation vanishes just like that.

Clarke tries to steady her hands as she measures out what she hopes is the right angle of the knife. When she's almost positive it's where it should be, she begins to slowly extract the weapon. She exhales shakily once it about halfway out. She can do this.

The, a giant crash shakes the whole dropship, and Clarke falls backward, away from Bellamy. It takes her a second to realize she still has the knife in her hand and as soon as she does, she jumps back up and races over to Bellamy, checking his wound thoroughly. Suddenly a hand grasps her elbow, and sparks shoot up her arm.

Her eyes fly up to Bellamy's, and he gives her a small smile.

"Thanks, Princess," He murmurs, and Clarke lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Relief flushes through her and she opens her mouth to respond when Octavia is there, tears in her eyes as she talks quickly to Bellamy. She must've stayed when Clarke sent everyone else upstairs.

"Woah, woah, I'm okay, O. I'm okay." When Octavia still looks worried, Bellamy speaks up again. "What, you didn't think one grounder could kill me, did you?" He asks, his voice laced with pain but still teasing. Clarke feels a smile inch up her face at his words.

Octavia laughs, hugging her brother gently. He grunts in pain and Clarke quickly ushers Octavia away, needing to bandage Bellamy up.

. . .

A couple hours later, after the storm has cleared and almost everyone had left the dropship to pick the camp back up, Clarke is sitting on a makeshift stool next to the table Bellamy is sleeping on. She watches the rise and fall of his chest, and if anyone asked she was just making sure he's okay, but really she was just relishing in the fact that he _was_ breathing. That he's alive.

Clarke thought back to a couple hours earlier, when her mother had tried talking to her and Clarke had told her that she knew about her father. She knew what Abby had done. When Abby tried to defend herself, Clarke shut the radio off. She couldn't handle that, not now.

Clarke had sent Octavia to her tent about an hour earlier, and although the girl was hesitant - _very_ hesitant, unsurprisingly - she finally agreed when Clarke had said she'd keep an eye on him. Clarke felt grateful to have Octavia, not for the first time since they had been on the ground, and even more grateful that they'd managed to get her back from the grounder that had taken her. Clarke shivered at that thought.

Jasper had headed out with Octavia, walking her to her tent, no doubt. Jasper definitely had a thing for the younger Blake, and Bellamy would probably all but kill the kid if he ever tried anything, but Clarke thought it was kind of endearing.

Raven had gone up on one of the upper floors with a few other kids, those who had yet to build their tents for whatever reason, so Clarke was alone. Clarke didn't mind being alone on the Ark, she was fine with having a few hours to herself, but ever since she got put in solitary, being alone was one of the thing she feared more than anything.

Yes, being alone reminded her of being stuck in the skybox for almost a year right after her father was murdered right in front of her, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was how she felt. The hatred she had felt for Wells and Jaha. For herself. She had blamed herself for her fathers death for months, she had wished and wished that she could go back in time and never tell Wells what her father was planning to do. Wished she could've somehow convinced him to not go through with his plan. And then she had found out that it was never her fault, or Wells' fault. It was her mothers.

Her mind drifted back to the conversation she had had with Abby a few hours ago. She feels tears well up in her eyes at the thought of it. The thought of what she did. What her actions caused. Abby had killed her own husband, her own _soulmate_. And she'd almost killed her daughter too. Who knows, the ground isn't much safer than the Ark, maybe she did.

A tear slips out of Clarke's eyes and she quickly moves to wipe it away, sniffling quietly as she tried to get her emotions under control. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and blinked again and again in an attempt to push her tears back. She can't afford to be weak. Not right now. Not down here.

When Clarke feels a hand grasping her own, she looks up at Bellamy quickly, who is looking at her with a mixture of emotions that she can't quite place them all. He looks at her for a few more moments before Clarke sends him a forced smile.

"You know, I have to feel all these emotions too. Not sure how I'm going to be able to follow the Princess' orders and get a good sleep now," His voice is teasing and a small smile tilts up his lips. Clarke's grateful for that.

"Shut up," She murmurs back, no venom behind her words. Her smile turns into a real one and they fall into silence for a few seconds, before Clarke speaks up again.

"I'm really glad you're okay."

Her words linger in the air for a moment, and Bellamy inhales quietly. Clarke feels her own heart fill with some kind of warmth, but she can't place if it's her emotions or Bellamy's. Maybe both.

"I wouldn't be if you didn't save me. Thank you, Clarke," Clarke feels her smile grow just a bit more and she squeezes his hand in her own.

"You're welcome."

They sit in silence for another moment, before Clarke speaks up again.

"Really though, Bellamy, you should get some rest. You're going to need it if you want to be able to 'fearlessly lead' the camp again soon." Bellamy snorts quietly at the sarcasm in her tone, but nods anyway.

"Okay, but you need rest too. Go get some sleep, Clarke, I'll be fine here."

Clarke opens her mouth to protest but Bellamy immediately interrupts her.

"Clarke, I'm in probably the safest part of the camp, there are at least twenty kids upstairs, and the other eighty are just outside the dropship. Miller and Monroe are keeping watch, and I trust them to do a good job. So go take a break, you deserve it."

Clarke almost wants to argue, but she knows Bellamy's right. She doesn't need to stay here all night, and now that he mentions it, she realizes just how exhausted she really is. So, she finally gives in with a nod.

"Okay, fine. But if I wake up tomorrow and see you trying to lift a log or something, you're dead, Blake. Got it?"

"Got it," Bellamy smiles gently and Clarke returns the gesture before standing up slowly and realizing how stiff she is from sitting on a stool for hours. She gives Bellamy one more glance before turning and making her way to the dropship door.

"Night, Princess," She hears Bellamy call just as she steps outside. She feels her smile returning at the words.

"Night, Bel." She murmurs in response, her words left hanging in the cool night air.

**...**

**okay this took soooo long to update i'm really sorry about that! and if anything in this chapter repeats itself i'm sorry, i wrote like half of it a month ago and the other half last night. anyway thank you all so much for reviewing and favouriting this story, it means so much to me and inspires me to write more :)**

**dont be a silent reader**


	19. Chapter 19

Unsurprisingly, it wasn't long before Bellamy was back on his feet, almost like the whole stabbing ordeal had never happened in the first place. And even though it took Clarke a bit longer to actually believe him when he said he was fine, she was grateful for that.

Raven had gotten the radio set up into a digital screen, making it possible to see the people they spoke with on the ark as well as talk to them. Clarke had been vehemently avoiding her mother though, so she hadn't used it herself yet.

"Hey, Clarke!" Clarke turned toward Raven at the girls voice and saw the mechanic standing at the edge of the dropship.

"C'mere a sec," She said, and something in her tone filled Clarke's gut with dread. What now?

Clarke followed Raven into the dropship, where she was immediately cornered by the girl.

"What's with you and Finn? Huh?" Raven was all in her face and it took Clarke a moment to actually process the words, before her face contorted in confusion.

"Finn..?" She asked, and Raven seemed taken aback by the blonde's tone.

"Y- yeah. Are you not..?" Clarke just kept staring at her, and after a couple seconds, Raven took a step back, rubbing her hand over her face.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. I thought you and him had a thing, or something." Clarke only grew more confused at that.

"What? Why?" Were the only words she could muster up in response to the raven haired girls accusations.

"He's just..." A sigh. "He's been gone all the time, and he always seems - i don't know - off around me or something. You two seemed pretty good friends so I guess I just assumed..."

"Hey, it's okay. But I wouldn't do that to you Raven, you're my friend too, you know. And I can't say for sure I know what's going on with Finn but ever since we got down to the ground, so for as long as I've known him, he's been leaving at random and exploring the forest all the time. Bellamy and I have both tried to stop him, I've told him it's dangerous, but he always just says something stupid like 'I eat danger for breakfast' or something." Raven let's out a stressed laugh at her poor Finn impression, and Clarke feels some of the tension clear from the room at that.

"You know, if you're really worried, you should probably just talk to Finn. I can't give great relationship advice or anything, but I do know from personal experience that you shouldn't keep distrust towards people when you're not even sure that they deserve it in the first place." Clarke's mind went to Wells. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat as she thought of her best friend.

Raven seemed consider her advice before nodding.

"Damn, for a girl who's been in solitary for a year, you sure are good at people stuff." Clarke felt a smile curve her lips at the other girls words.

"I try," She said, and Raven smiled at her before nodding once and heading towards the exit.

"Hey, sorry about that whole accusing you thing, not cool of me. And I'm glad were friends." She said, before walking outside, hopefully to try to find Finn and talk to him.

Clarke turned away from the door only to see Octavia perched on the ladder behind her.

"Hey, Clarke." The younger girl offered her a smile as she climbed the rest of the way down the ladder.

"Have you seen Bel anywhere?" Clarke frowned at Octavia's question, trying to recall if she had.

"No, I haven't seen him all day actually." She said, suddenly realizing how odd that was.

"Me neither. Miller and a couple other guys are missing too though, so they're probably out hunting or something, right?" Clarke could tell younger Blake was a little desperate for reassurance, and her suggestion sounded valid enough so she nodded.

"Yeah, that makes sense." She offered a smile at her friend.

But then that dread in her gut was back, and she was starting to wonder if it was even put there by Raven in the first place. She swallowed thickly as Octavia left the dropship. At least she wasn't worried.

And Clarke shouldn't be either. Bellamy was definitely out hunting or exploring or something like that. He didn't need to tell Clarke that he was going when he did something like that. Just because he had let her know the last couple times didn't mean anything. Maybe he just forgot to this time. Yeah, probably. She was probably worried over nothing.

But the feeling in her gut didn't go away.

...

"We need Clarke! Now!" Miller's frantic voice had Clarke jumping from her place at the fire and running over the gates that were being hauled open.

Why did they need her? Someone must be hurt. And if Miller was with Bellamy, did that mean..?

"Clarke, it's Raven," As soon as Clarke hears his voice, she feels relief wash over her. That relief is quickly replaced with worry when she registers Bellamy's words.

"What? What happened?" She asks quickly, panic seeping into her tone.

"We found her when we were out, she was just lying there, and she looked terrible. We thought she was dead at first." Miller answers and Clarke quickly follows Bellamy, who has Raven in his arms, to the dropship.

"Well what the hell happened to her?" She asks, needing to know more than that.

"We don't know, she wasn't conscious. This was next to her though," Another guy from the group hands her a canteen, one from their camp. She must have been drinking out of it.

When they reach the dropship, Bellamy puts Raven onto the metal table where he lay, just a few weeks earlier. As soon as she's out of his arms, he turns around and walks out, muttering to Miller, the only one of their group that had followed him in the dropship.

Clarke doesn't have time to ask where the hell he's going, or what they're talking about. She quickly focuses her attention on Raven, touching her hand to the girls forehead.

Her skin is on fire and she's sweating like crazy. Her complexion has paled to an almost greenish tint, and her eyes flutter as if she's in pain.

Clarke examines the canteen briefly, but it offers her no help. As far as she can tell, it's just a metal tube from the dropship with a few sips of water inside. She puts it down and looks back at Raven, praying she can figure this out on her own. The last thing she wants to do is talk to her mother again.

"Oh my god, Clarke what happened?" Octavia is hopping down from one of the upper levels of the dropship when she notices Raven. Jasper and Monty quickly follow, clearly concerned.

"I don't know, Bellamy and the others found her like this. She seems sick, really sick." Clarke quickly checks the girl for injuries, but other than a few scrapes on her hands there's nothing to be found.

"Shit." Clarke murmurs, and Monty approaches slowly.

"Where did they find her?" He asks, and Clarke just shakes her head, not even knowing the answer to that. She needed Bellamy back in here now, she needed him to give her more information.

As if on cue, heavy footsteps sounded behind he and she turned around, feeling relieved for only a second. Then she noticed.

"What the hell, Bel!?" Octavia is the first person to say something about it.

Behind the elder Blake sibling, three of their crew are lugging in an unconscious grounder, not just any grounder, but the same one who took Octavia. This was bad, really bad.

"Bellamy, what do you think you're doing?" Clarke abandons Raven's side momentarily to block the path of her soulmate, who seems itching to get away from this conversation, to get away from her.

"What I have to. We need answers, Clarke." He says, not meeting her eyes.

"So what? You're gonna torture him?" Clarke wasn't being 100% serious, but when Bellamy clenches his jaw and adverts his eyes even further, dread fills her stomach.

"You can't! This isn't who we are!" Her voice is pleading, and silence hangs heavily in the air for a few seconds, before Bellamy's eyes finally find hers.

"It is now," He says, his voice just above a growl as her pushes past her, the others following him with the grounder. The quickly climb to the top floor of the dropship, before shutting the trap door behind them.

Clarke stays frozen in place, staring into nothing for a few more seconds, before Monty suddenly cries out to her.

"Clarke, she's seizing!" His voice shocks her back to reality and she pushed her whole interaction with Bellamy to the back of her mind for the time being, knowing there was more important things to worry about.

"Get her on her side," Clarke instructs, helping Monty to roll the girl over as she starts foaming from the mouth. Clarke's eyes grow wide in panic as she watched the girl convulse. But as worried as she is, she recognizes this behaviour. She remembers learning about back in medical school on the Ark.

Pale skin, sweating, fever, seizing, it all added up to something... but what was it? She just needed a second to think!

And then it hit her. Poison.

Raven had been poisoned.

**...**

**this took way too long to update! im so sorry about that! ive been super busy but im really hoping to update more often now. thought id switch it up a bit with the whole poisoning thing because i really wanna expand on clarke and ravens relationship. it also plays a somewhat key role in a finn thing thats gonna be coming up soon too sooo**

**dont be a silent reader**


	20. Chapter 20

"What do you mean poisoned?"

"What the hell do you think I mean!?" Clarke hadn't meant to snap at Jasper the way she did, but she couldn't stop the panic rising inside her. Raven was poisoned, they have no idea what poisoned her, where it came from, or how to cure it.

This was bad.

It was then that Clarke heard muffled shouting from the highest level of the dropship, before Octavia came angrily stomping down the ladder.

"They're going to torture him, Clarke! They're tying him up and when I tried to tell them to stop Bellamy just pushed me down here! They can't do this, you need to stop them!" Octavia's voice had risen, either in anger or worry or panic, maybe all three, Clarke couldn't tell.

"He _saved_ me in the forest! He only chained me up because I ran away, and I know that's still messed up but he wasn't trying to hurt me! You can't let Bellamy do this!" Octavia took a breath before continuing, her voice lowering slightly.

"Listen, Clarke, I know Bellamy seems like a selfish asshole, and yeah he acts like one too, but this isn't who he is. He doesn't want to hurt anyone! I know it might be hard to believe but I know him! He's my brother and I could tell just by looking at him that he doesn't want this, _please_, Clarke you have to believe me." Octavia's voice is pleading and there are tears welling up in her eyes.

Clarke doesn't need Octavia to tell her all that. She already knows. Not only does she know Bellamy a lot better than anyone probably thinks, but she can feel his discomfort and worry and anxiety building up in her own gut right now.

Then, she is hit by a sudden thought.

She spins back around, grateful to see that Raven has stopped seizing and appears to be breathing just fine. Monty nods in affirmation at her after checking her pulse, and then he eyes her suspiciously.

"You just thought of something, didn't you?" He asks, and Clarke ignores the way her gut twists in discomfort at her own idea, reminding herself that Raven's life is on the line here. She swallows.

"Yeah."

...

"Bellamy!" There's a banging on the trapdoor and Bellamy's mouth goes dry at the voice.

"Bellamy, let me up! I know how to save Raven!" At that, Bellamy nods at Miller who pulls out the piece of metal that had been holding the door shut. He pulls open the door and Clarke's head sticks up through it, the rest of her quickly following as she climbs all the way up.

"Raven's been poisoned," She explains, her eyes flickering between Bellamy and the grounder that has been restrained by his arms and legs.

Bellamy doesn't respond, he just nods at Clarke to continue.

"I can't be sure what she was poisoned by or how to cure it, but I'm guessing that if anyone here knows either of those answers, it's him." She nods at the grounder, and Bellamy's stomach is in knots at what she's implying.

"You want us to find out." He says simply. It's not a question, but still, Clarke nods shakily, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Bellamy breathes in heavily and stands up, walking toward the grounder, who's just starting to stir. Once his eyes open, he's suddenly fully awake, looking around at them in a sort of fear. His eyes are wide and his breath comes out in heavy pants through his nose.

Bellamy hates how human he looks.

He tries to focus on the fact that this is the guy who took his sister, chained her up in a cave, and stabbed him. He tries to focus on the most inhumane parts of the grounder.

It doesn't help.

With a shaky hand, he picks up an old seat belt, wrapping it around his hand a couple time and adjusting his grip. He was suddenly hyper aware of Clarke's eyes on him. Of how she felt about all of this. He turned to face her.

"You don't have to watch this, Clarke." He says, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. He reminded himself that he had to do this. For Raven.

"I'm staying," Clarke says surely, after only a moments pause. He looks at her for another second, but it's clear in her face that she's not changing her mind. He finally nods and turns his attention back to their hostage.

...

"Please, which one?" Clarke is on her knees in front of the grounder, the various antidotes they found in his bag scattered around her. She looks at the grounder desperately, just wanting him to answer. If he just answered, this would be over for all of them.

"Our friend is dying, please," Her voice is small, and the grounder only meets her eye for a moment, before looking away. Clarke ignores the feeling of tears on her face as she looks at the ground in defeat.

Two floors down Raven was dying, she could be dead already. And they were torturing someone. _Bellamy_ was torturing someone. Clarke swallowed against the lump in her throat. The roaring emotions she felt swirling around inside had long since become indistinguishable from her soulmate's.

Then there was a hand on her shoulder, and she subconsciously leaned into the touch, letting it ground her.

"Clarke," Bellamy didn't have to say anything else, she understood. So she nodded, biting back a sob as she stepped back and away from the grounder, letting Bellamy continue. She couldn't help but feel hopeless. Obviously this grounder had no interest in telling them anything, not to mention he might not even have the antidote. Hell, he might not even speak English.

"Bellamy, stop!" Octavia's voice sounded behind Clarke, and she spun around in surprise. Somehow, the younger girl had gotten herself up there and now all the attention was on her.

Her eyes found Clarke's and the look of betrayal in them physically hurt. Then she looked at Bellamy.

"How could you do this, Bel?" Bellamy looked vulnerable momentarily before steeling his gaze.

"We need to find the antidote to save Raven-"

"You don't need to do this, Bellamy! He saved my life-"

"This is about _Raven's_ life!" Bellamy snapped, clearly growing more and more agitated at his sister, or maybe just at himself. With everything she was feeling, Clarke couldn't tell.

Octavia was shocked into silence for only a few seconds, before glaring at her brother, disgust written clear on her face. And if Clarke could feel anything, she definitely felt the pain that shot through Bellamy at that.

"I won't let you do this. There has to be another way," She said, looking around as if she was going to be able to pull an antidote out of thin air.

"There isn't. Now go, O. You shouldn't be here." At Bellamy's words, Miller began walking toward Octavia, ready to usher her back downstairs when she suddenly cried out.

"Wait! I have an idea!" Miller paused, and Clarke stood up quickly, facing Octavia.

"What?" Please, anything would be better than this.

"Just, let me try something," She pushed past Miller and started walking toward the grounder.

"Octavia," Bellamy started to say when his sister approached the grounder, but Clarke put a hand on his arm, as if to tell him to let Octavia do this. Clarke trusted her. And she knew Bellamy did too.

"Which one?" She asked, pointing at the vials on the ground. The grounder made no move to answer. It was then that Clarke noticed something in Octavia's hand.

"This is what poisoned her, right?" Octavia motioned to the bottle, and Clarke realized, a moment too late, what Octavia was about to do.

"Octavia, no!" Clarke tried to reach the girl, but before she could even take a step Octavia had taken a sip from the canteen.

Bellamy realized what had happened only a second after Clarke, and he ran to Octavia, quickly knocking the drink out of her hand. But it was too late.

"Octavia, why the hell did you do that?" His voice was panicked and Clarke had never heard him sound so distraught.

"Which one?" Octavia ignored her brother, her tone pleading, and the grounder looked up at her, his eyes wide. He didn't answer, but he seemed at least somewhat affected.

Octavia scrambled to the floor, picking up one of the vials and holding it up to the grounder.

"This one?" She asked, and for a long moment, he didn't respond. Clarke tried to ignore the dread weighing down her stomach, but finally, the grounder shook his head. No.

Bellamy and Clarke exchanged glances, before looking back at Octavia and the grounder. She continues to hold up different vials until finally, he nodded his head to one of them. Clarke felt relief pour through her and Bellamy quickly pulled his sister up from the ground and made her drink the antidote.

"How the hell did you know that would work?" He asked, his voice angry, but also very relieved. Clarke felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders as Octavia swallowed, handing the rest of the antidote to Clarke. She almost felt like crying.

"I didn't," Octavia said, and it was the last part of the conversation that the blonde heard before she was rushing down the ladder to bring the antidote to Raven.

Once the antidote was given to her friend, Clarke finally allowed herself to fully relax. She sent Monty and Jasper away while Raven rested, and Clarke looked over her a couple more times before deciding to head to bed as well.

Suddenly, she was hit with the memory of the way Octavia looked at her when she had come upstairs. And the way that the girl had very obviously avoided her after she had made her way back out to the camp. Clarke doubted that she was very welcome in Octavia's tent anymore.

She heaved a sigh as she prepared herself for a blanketless sleep on the floor of the dropship, but she figured it was far from the punishment she deserved after what they did today. She tried not the think about it.

Clarke leaned back against the wall of the dropship, letting herself slide down until she was sitting on the cold metal floor. She shivered. She knows it's not smart to sleep here, especially not in this position, but asking if she could sleep in anyone's tent or even asking for blankets seemed like too much for her right now.

"Clarke?" His voice drew her attention to the ladder that Bellamy was in the process of climbing down.

"What are you doing?" His voice was soft and Clarke couldn't help but appreciate that, especially right now.

"Just resting, I wanted to keep an eye on Raven overnight," She lied, and apparently Bellamy saw right through it. He walked over to her.

"I know you think Octavia hates you, but she doesn't. If she hates anyone, it's me. I was the one who..." His voice trails off and Clarke's gut twists with his regret. She offers him what she hopes to be a comforting smile.

"I'm sure she'd rather you sleep in her tent with her then here on the cold ground." He says eventually, and Clarke wishes she could believe him. He seems to sense that she doesn't think that's true, and he offers her a small sigh before sitting down on the ground next to her.

"Even if you're right, even if Octavia feels that way, it..." Clarke tries to come up with the right words.

"It's too much right now, you know?" Those weren't exactly the words she was looking for, but she doesn't have the energy to find them. She feels Bellamy's eyes on her and notices his head nodding slightly in her peripheral vision.

"Yeah, I know."

They sit in silence for a long time, and at some point, they must have shifted closer to each other because Clarke can feel his arm brushing against hers and the heat coming off his body is so inviting and suddenly she's so exhausted.

"Hey," Bellamy speaks up eventually, his voice somewhat hoarse. Clarke tries to blink away her tiredness, and looks over at Bellamy.

"For real, you're not sleeping here." He says, and before Clarke can even think of a protest, he stands up, offering her his hand.

She looks at it for a moment before taking it, ignoring the sparks that shoot up her arm at the feeling of his palm against hers. He pulls her up gently and their hands stay together for a moment after she stands.

Once they release each others hands, the feeling of his touch still lingers, and Clarke does her best to ignore it. He nods at her to walk and they both exit the dropship together.

"So where exactly am I sleeping?" Clarke asks after a moment of walking, her brain to foggy with sleep to think about much else. She stifles a yawn.

Bellamy seems amused by that, before nodding at a small tent next to Octavia's that Clarke hadn't noticed before.

"Huh?" She frowns at the tent, Bellamy leading her over to it.

"I made it a couple days ago, I thought you might want your own space eventually? My sister can get pretty annoying when she's cooped up, believe me, I know." Clarke snorts at his words, but when the reach the tent there's no amusement left in her.

"You really made this? For me?" She suddenly feels overly flustered at the act.

"Anything for the Princess," He offers jokingly, but Clarke can tell that's he's at least somewhat sheepish.

She pulls back the flap and looks inside, noting the small pile of blankets gratefully. She turns back to look at Bellamy, who glances around awkwardly.

"Thank you," She murmurs, and Bellamy finally looks at her. Clarke can't help but notice the change of atmosphere when their eyes meet, it's almost like an invisible force is dragging her closer and closer to him.

Suddenly, Bellamy clears his throat and shakes his head slightly, as if clearing his thoughts, and the moment is over.

"Um, yeah... Yeah, you're welcome." He offers her a small smile, one which she returns, before she climbs into the tent. He watches her go, closing the tent flap behind her as she buries herself in the blankets.

"Goodnight, Bel." Clarke calls, and she just barely hears a quiet 'goodnight' in return before she hears him walk to his own tent, and she smiles to herself as sleep washes over her.

**...**

**okay so im feeling suuuper inspired to write right now so here's another chapter! im hoping to write another one tonight too :)**

**dont be a silent reader**


	21. Chapter 21

"The coordinates I just sent lead to a bunker, only a couple hours away from you're current location. It might be intact, and could be used as shelter during the winter. If not, there is likely supplies there as well, so the trip will not be for nothing." Jaha explains this to Clarke a couple mornings after everything that happened with Raven, and Clarke nods along with his words. This had been the first time that she had agreed to talk with the Ark on here.

"Okay, I'll go today. I should probably head out now if I want to make it back tonight." Clarke replies, itching to draw their conversation to a close.

"Wait, Clarke, let me get Abby-" And that's exactly why.

"No, I don't want to speak with her right now." Clarke interrupts sternly, trying not to let too much emotion show through.

"Clarke, you can't-"

"Frankly, Chancellor, it's none of your business whether or not I speak with my mother. Now, I'll go get someone who actually wants to talk to their parents." She says, her tone harsh. She can't find it in herself to care, though. It's not like it wasn't harsh of Jaha to kill her father.

Before the man can get another word in, Clarke's gone.

Once she leaves the tent, she makes her way to the dropship, glancing around the camp in search the whole time. When she enters the ship, she sees him.

He's looking at Octavia, who is sitting in a seat on the floor, keeping her eyes anywhere but on her brother. Clarke can feel her anger from across the room.

"Bellamy," She calls, and at first he doesn't respond, but after a couple of seconds he turns to her.

"The Ark found a supply depot not far from here, I'm gonna go check it out and I could use backup. You in?" Clarke doesn't know how long she's been able to speak with Bellamy comfortably, but it feels like she's known him for years.

He meets her eyes, his gaze almost calculating, and when he glances at his sister, it almost seems as if he comes to a decision. His eyes harden as they find their way back to Clarke's.

"I'll get my stuff, meet you in ten." He says, and Clarke nods before exiting the ship. Something about the interaction concerns her, but she chooses not to worry about it now. She needs to stay focused on the task ahead. She doesn't hear the tail end of his conversation - actually, probably argument - with Octavia.

A couple minutes later, she sees him piling rations into a bag. She frowned as she approached him.

"You do realize this is a day trip, right?" She asks, and he practically jumps when she announces herself, quickly playing it off by clearing his throat.

"A lot can happen in a day." Was all he said before turning on his heel and walking towards the gates.

Clarke tried to ignore her worry at his words, and stared at his back in thought for a couple of moments before following him.

...

The walk through the woods is quiet, and Clarke really can't say it's quieter than usual because she doesn't usually do this, but the silence is tense. Her nerves are so high strung and she knows it's not entirely her feelings. Bellamy's nervous about something.

"Hey, we're almost there," Clarke says as they approach a ridge, and it really doesn't feel like they've been walking as long as they have. Bellamy only grunts in response. Clarke tries not to frown. Something's off with him.

Once they get to the top of the hill, she looks down at the area where the bunker should be.

"Jaha said it was somewhere around here, just look for a door or a latch or something like that," She says, and Bellamy nods before beginning his search. Clarke ignores her concerns about his behavior and starts looking as well.

After looking around for a couple minutes, Clarke finds a bent piece of metal sticking up from the dirt. She quickly works on brushing away the leaves and dirt around it and finds a hatch door.

"Hey, Bellamy! I think I found it!" She calls out, and only a moment later, Bellamy's there, kneeling on the ground next to her.

He grabs onto the latch and tries to pull it open, but it's no use.

"It's rusted shut," He says, and it's the first thing he's said in hours.

"Stand back," Clarke does so and he pulls out a makeshift hatchet before using it to pry open the door. When he finally pulls it open, Clarke can almost feel a rush of cold, damp air exit it. She suppresses a shiver as she peers inside.

It was dark inside the bunker, and all that Clarke could make out from here is a set of stairs leading down into the earth.

As Bellamy makes a move to step down there, Clarke's hand flies out to his arm to stop him, almost subconsciously. He flinches at her touch.

"Bellamy," She says quietly, and he only let their eyes meet for a moment, before he clenches his jaw and looks away.

"You can talk to me about anything, you know." Her words were gentle and she hoped they were at least somewhat soothing. She needed to know what was going on with Bellamy. She needed him to want to tell her.

Bellamy inhaled, and for a moment he looked as though he might actually say something, but suddenly his expression hardened and he shrugged her hand off him, making his way down the stairs.

"We don't have time for this, Clarke."

The words felt like a punch in the gut. Bellamy hadn't been this cold to her in a while, and she can't say that she missed it. At all.

However, as strange as he was being, she knew that he was right, to some extent. If they wanted to get back before dark then they were going to have to hurry. So she grit her teeth and followed him into the bunker.

All hope of them living down there flew out the window. There was water dripping from the ceiling, and there was a freezing cold draft coming from inside the shelter somewhere. Not to mention the skeletons on the stairs.

"Hell of a place to die," Bellamy mentioned as Clarke tore her eyes away from the body.

"So much for living down here, this place is disgusting," Clarke voiced her thoughts, growing somewhat exasperated.

"Anything left down here is ruined." Bellamy said. Clarke nodded in agreement, narrowly dodging a stream of water flowing from the roof.

They both began opening boxes, looking for supplies. Clarke watches as Bellamy cracked some glow sticks before opening a crate.

"Hey! I found blankets!" Clarke said, trying to sound more positive then she felt.

"You excited about a couple of blankets?" Bellamy questioned, his voice growing agitated as he opened more crates, coming up empty.

"Well, it's something." Clarke offered, apparently setting Bellamy off.

"Well how about a canteen or a med-kit? Or a decent tent?" He replied, annoyance clear in his tone. He slammed a crate closed, making his way to another corner of the bunker.

He tapped the top of a metal barrel with his hand a couple times, and Clarke watched him closely. She can see why he's frustrated, but it seemed a little extreme to be as upset as he is over this. So what was it really that he was so worked up about?

He opened the barrel and shone the flashlight inside, reaching his hand in the scoop out what looked like dirty water. His face fell and Clarke opened her mouth to say something, to ask him what was wrong, to ask him to please just_ talk to her_, but he interrupted her before she could.

"Ugh!" He growled, stepping back and kicking the barrel over. Clarke tried not to jump at the crash. She felt her brows furrow and she stared at him, but he didn't even glance her way. Instead, he was staring curiously at something that had come out of the barrel. Clarke couldn't see exactly what he was looking at, but his eyes lit up and he bent down to examine whatever it was closer.

"Oh my god," He said, clearly pleased with his discovery.

"What?" She walked over quickly and finally saw what he was looking at. Her eyes widened at the sight.

Bellamy was wearing a huge grin as he held something up to her. It was a huge gun, way bigger than anything they'd had on the Ark. Dread was nagging at Clarke at the sight, but at the same time, whether it was Bellamy's feelings or her own, she couldn't help the feeling of relief coursing through her. A small smile found its way onto her face as well.

**. . .**

**this is so short and honestly i really dont like it but ive been working on it for over a week and its not getting any better in my opinion, plus you guys are waiting for this update which i said would come a long time ago so here it is (im hoping posting it and starting the new chapter will help me with my current writers block)**

**dont be a silent reader**


	22. Chapter 22

"This is a big deal, Bellamy." It's the first thing Clarke had said since Bellamy had found the weapons, and he looked up from where he was loading one of them with ammo he had found in a box nearby.

"Hell yeah it's a big deal, we're finally going to have somewhat of a chance against the grounders. We won't be sitting ducks anymore." Clarke felt her shoulders droop from where they had been unconsciously tensed, recognizing Bellamy's finally familiar behaviour.

"Well, yeah, but we can't just have guns around the camp with no order to it. They'll be dangerous, especially in the hands of kids who probably have no idea how to use them." Clarke replied, watching as Bellamy grabbed a blanket and hung it on the wall, a big 'x' getting drawn on it at some point.

"Speaking of people who have no idea how to use them," Bellamy responded, the rest of Clarke's words seemingly going in one ear and out the other, "You need to practice. Ready to be a badass, Clarke?"

Clarke stared blankly at him for a moment, still feeling his excitement fluttering in her stomach. Then she glanced at the gun in his hands, and the blanket he had hung up, the pieces clicking together in her mind.

His grin only widened at her reaction, and suddenly she felt fluttery in her stomach for a whole different reason.

"C'mere," He nodded her over and she obliged, walking close enough for him to place the gun in her hands.

"We shouldn't waste the ammo," Clarke reasoned, and Bellamy scoffed lightly.

"You need the practice," He obviously wasn't taking no for an answer, so Clarke turned to face the makeshift target and placed the butt of the gun against her shoulder, taking on what she guessed was a good stance.

"Like this?" She asked, hoping she was at least somewhat close to how she should be positioned.

"Yeah, uh," Suddenly, Clarke felt a warmth on her back as Bellamy placed his hand there, stepping a little closer. Her heart skipped a beat.

"A little higher," Bellamy said, his voice quieter than a moment before as his hands adjusted the gun.

"Yeah, uh-" He cleared his throat after a couple seconds of silence, and Clarke could feel energy rolling off him in waves, mostly nervous. "-that's good, uh... Watch and learn."

With that, Bellamy stepped away and broke contact, and Clarke felt herself relax. Suddenly realizing how fast her heart was beating.

Bellamy picked up another gun and Clarke watched him aim it at the target and pull the trigger. There was a clicking sound, but no bullet was fired. Clarke frowned.

Bellamy sighed, looking somewhat exasperated as he reloaded and repeated the action. Again, just a click, and nothing else.

"Still watching," Clarke couldn't help but tease, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"My bullets are duds, try yours," Was his response. Clarke looked at her own gun and held it back up the way that Bellamy had shown her before.

She tried to aim at the center of the 'x', but the kick from the gun must have skewed her shot, because when she pulled the trigger and a live bullet came out, the hole left on the target was about a foot away from where she had aimed. It didn't stop a wave of excitement to course through her, though.

"That... was... amazing." Clarke laughed, staring at the target. She could practically feel Bellamy's smile from here, and it caused her to turn around and face him.

"Am I horrible for feeling that?" She asked, and his smile grew as he shook his head. The corners of her mouth turned up as she met his eyes.

"Try again," He said, motioning toward the target.

"We really shouldn't waste the ammo, other kids have to practice too. Besides, we should probably start heading back soon." She replied, and Bellamy's face suddenly fell at her words and he averted his eyes.

She felt Bellamy's uneasiness and nervousness and... _guilt?-_ swirling around in her stomach. The sudden change in emotions took her by surprise. Something she had said had triggered it, but she couldn't put together what.

"Yeah," Bellamy responded quietly as Clarke went over her words, trying to figure out what she had said that upset him so much.

"Bellamy, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day." She asked, her concern only growing when he clenches his jaw and still won't meet her eyes.

She puts down her gun and takes a few steps towards him, putting her hand on his arm, trying to force him to meet her eyes.

"Bellamy," She starts, trying desperately to make sense of the situation. She glances around and her eyes land on his pack, practically overflowing with all the rations he had taken.

"The rations..." She voices her thoughts trying to come to a conclusion that makes sense. When she does, her stomach drops.

"You're running."

Clarke had meant it to come out accusatory, angry even, but she ended up sounding hurt. Betrayed.

Bellamy must have recognized the tone of her voice, because his eyes finally met hers, and they were swimming with emotion. Clarke swallowed as her throat closed up, taking a step back, distancing herself from Bellamy.

"You-" Clarke starts, her voice cracking over the word. She tries to think over the situation rationally before acting on her emotions. That's what she always does. But right now, her emotions are overflowing and the only thing she can think is that _she can't lose him._

"I can't stay there, Clarke." Bellamy finally speaks, but each word feels like a stab in her chest. "When Jaha comes down he's going to kill me. I have to leave."

Deep down, there's a part of Clarke that's worried he's right. She'd been worried about it ever since she'd found out what Bellamy had done to get down here, what he had done for his sister. And although she did believe if they talked to Jaha, they could work something out, she'd been worried out of her mind that they couldn't. But they at least had to try.

"Bellamy, you can't run, you_ can't_. We can talk to Jaha, like we planned, it could work, we have to _try_-"

"Think about it, Clarke. I shot him. No one's gonna forgive me for that." With that, Bellamy has grabbed stormed out of the bunker, muttering something about 'getting some air'. Clarke felt something in her break.

She sighed heavily and pushed the palms of her hands against her eyes, trying to think of a way to reason with Bellamy, to at least get him to come back today and run away later, anything at all. But before she can continue that train of thought, her vision is swimming and suddenly she's on the ground, not even remembering falling over.

She tries to stand up but she feels so wobbly and everything is spinning and she can't make sense of her surroundings until she hears a voice saying her name. It's familiar, but she can't quite place it.

She tries to find the source of the voice, squinting her eyes in an attempt to clear her vision. The voice calls out her name a few more times, each time becoming less of an echo and more of an actual, solid sound.

"Clarke."

It's then that Clarke finally recognizes the voice, and her heart drops in sorrow while simultaneously racing in excitement.

"Dad?"

**...**

**hi this is another pretty short chapter so i apologize for that, but im going through severe writers block with this story right now and im really trying to work on that. im grateful for all of the reviews im getting because they really help keep me inspired so thank you! and this story will start diverging from the storyline of the show really soon so im really excited about sharing some of my ideas with you guys in the chapters to come :) **

**dont be a silent reader**


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